


The Second Month of October

by ParadiseValley



Category: This Is What You Wanted (Saga)
Genre: Deaf Character, Family Drama, Famous/Ordinary, High School, M/M, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, POV Alternating, Small Towns, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-28
Updated: 2015-01-22
Packaged: 2018-01-21 04:01:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 68,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1536770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParadiseValley/pseuds/ParadiseValley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Isaac Baldwin has turned what he thought would be unbearable, into something he can't live without. But what he doesn't know is that the worst is yet to come. Can he rely on the people around him to push him through these hard times, or will his friends and family abandon him just when he needs them most?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Monday, Oct. 1st: Wake Me Up When September Ends

(Penner’s P.O.V)

_I walked up to the place that I found familiar. The building I recognized, but the surrounding area was just simply cornfields for miles. I didn’t know what drew me to this place. It could’ve been the figure outside of the building whose voice I heard in the back of my mind._

_“Wow, two times in one day.” The figure said to me. Everything about this person seemed normal, except for the fact that its face was smashed in, almost like the cartoons who landed straight on their face after falling from a high point._

_“You must’ve been born lucky.” I muttered, following after the figure who opened the door to the building. I don’t know what caused me to trust this thing in front of me, but I felt as if I’d met this person before._

_“I wasn’t born lucky,” It grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and threw me into a bright white room and abandoning me in a place I didn’t understand. “I just know how to make my own luck.”_

_I was trapped in a room full of mirrors, unable to turn any direction without seeing that face. Sirens blared over my head and I was beginning to suffocate, collapsing onto the ground with a spotlight shining down on me. Then the figure was standing over me, leaning down to touch my knees. I tried to scream but I seemed to be paralyzed. I didn’t like my knees being touched, not anymore and probably never again. Even when the figured disappeared I could still feel the pressure left on the spot. But then everything started shaking, kinda like an earthquake. The mirrors began falling one by one, smashing to the ground. Shards from the mirror bounced up from the floor and began cutting my skin as they flew by me._

_I woke up seconds later._

“You’re okay,” Isaac’s voice appeared out of the dark, calming my breathing slightly. I could feel his hand rubbing up and down the full length of my bare back. “You’re okay.”

“Bad dream.” I mumbled, taking in a deep breath and rolling on my side out towards the room. I tried my hardest to get the face out of my head, but nothing seemed to work.

“About what?” I noticed some of my hair stuck to my skin from the minor sweat.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I whispered, my eyes shooting as wide as they could. He pushed his chest fully against my back, breathing softly into my neck.

“Are you sure?” He wondered.

“Yeah.” I nodded, feeling him kiss my shoulder twice.

“You were talking and kicking in your sleep, kinda like you were running from something.” He sighed to himself. I couldn’t bring myself to tell Isaac that I didn’t want him touching in anymore. I wanted about nine feet between us so I could feel like I was able to breathe. I tried to close my eyes and drift off back to sleep, but something was stopping me from doing so. I think the reason for it was because I knew who the figure was in my dream.

I couldn’t find myself able to fall back to sleep even after I knew Isaac had drifted off. Something in me was keeping me up. It was probably all the thinking I was doing. Thinking about the figures face, how I couldn’t get those eyes out of my mind even if I tried my absolute hardest. I didn’t know what time I was when I first woke up, but once I realized that the sun was starting the peak in through my windows, I felt as if that was the first time I moved in days.

It seemed like four seconds passed before my alarm blared from across the room, signaling Isaac and I to get out of bed and start getting ready for school. I stretched my toes before I was about to turn off the alarm, but a hand smacked across my face just as I rolled on my back.

“Oww,” I muttered, running my hand over my forehead. “That was my face, you punk.”

He continued to lay there after I’d shut off the alarm, so I took matters into my own hands. I quickly rushed into Rebekah’s empty room and reached into the drawer of her bedside table. I found the thing I was looking for, but I also caught my eye on some unmentionables because I didn’t want to think about the idea of her having guys in my house whenever I’m not here. Or worse, when I am here!

I knew my sister had a whistle somewhere in her room because I could remember the countless times she used it on me so I would get up in the morning. Isaac was still the position I left him in, but instead of getting close to his face like Rebekah always did, I kept about a five foot gap between us before I blew into it.

“What the hell?” He exclaimed, shooting up out of bed and glaring at me.

“Get up.” I smirked.

“Were you trying to give me a heart attack?” He gasped, putting his hand over his heart. I smiled as I left him sitting in my bed to run into my bathroom to take a shower. I assumed he would use Rebekah’s to get ready, so I never went to check on him as I began styling my hair. It took me around thirty minutes to be completely ready for school, and when I heard noises coming from downstairs I figured that Isaac was also done.

“These are my favorite,” He said once he caught sight of me, his mouth completely full of food. “My parents won’t buy anything but Cheerios and Frosted Flakes and those get old real fast.”

“Mmm, well you can have as much as you want.” I smiled, sitting down next to him but not getting anything to eat.

“I’m gunna take you up on that,” He laughed. “Where’s Rebekah?”

“She’s still living at her place,” I began. “I think she’s got a lot on her plate right now dealing with teaching and being Mrs. Barker’s pet on a leash 24/7.”

“That must suck, but a least it’ll just be me and you here.” He pecked my lips as he got up to wash out his bowl in the sink. I clenched my jaw at the feeling of someone touching me. It made my skin crawl just thinking about it. I watched him from behind and started feeling concerned for him that he would never make nice with his parents ever again.

Once you lose that part of your life there isn’t anything in the world that can replace that, and coming from me it’s the honest truth. I didn’t want that for him because he needed his parents more than anything, especially since he has some internal struggles that led him to have a drinking problem. Speaking of his alcohol problem, I haven’t noticed him acting any differently except for that one time a couple weeks ago. So does that mean he’s gotten to the source of where it all started and learned how to control everything?

“You wanna head to school?” I asked, tapping my finger on the counter. “We can take my car.”

“Yeah, sure,” He nodded, taking his back pack along with his phone off the counter and waited for me by the door. I pulled it open after grabbing my bag from my room and held it for him as I locked it behind me. “You seem eager to head back to school.”

“Kinda,” I agreed, unlocking my car. “I mean I like learning new things and being around my friends.”

“How do you deal with that?”

“Deal with what?” I asked, starting the engine, throwing my sunglasses on my face, and sticking my car into the traffic.

“Growing up in a small town, having to go to school every day and then all of the sudden everything changes,” I kept my eyes on the road, but I was glad that I had my sunglasses on at this particular moment. I was always told my whole life that my eyes give away my thoughts and emotions, and with my dream from last night I was sure that this conversation would give everything away. “It must be stressful.”

“I think I realized not to taken even the little things for granted,” I could feel his eyes glued to my face. “You hear all the kids complaining about going to class but there are people all over the world who aren’t even able to get an education.”

“Is that all?”

“I learned how to deal with the transition from small town life to big city life,” I started. “But I’m still the same person I am now then I was two years ago.”

At first I thought that my comment ended the conversation when I turned my car off in the parking lot of the school, but I was wrong when Isaac added to the topic. “I think it takes a certain mind to be able to deal with what you have to go through every day.”

“My life isn’t hard,” I said, shaking my head back and forth while I waited for him to come around the side of the car so we could walk into school together. “I’m living the dream. There are people out there who have it way worse than any of us.”

I felt like Isaac understood what I was trying to say because he didn’t press on anymore, but as soon as we stepped inside the bell for class to begin rang in the hallways. I quickly squeezed on his hand and departed ways so I wouldn’t have to kiss him in front of everyone at school.

(Isaac’s P.O.V)

I’d gone through three classes without even a text from Penner. I was starting to think that something was wrong with him, and he was upset that I wasn’t doing anything to help. I was just looking forward to seeing him at lunch and I could ask him what was going on, if anything was going on at all.

During the last few minutes of math, Morgan wanted to know why she saw me leaving Penner’s house this morning. I then proceeded to explain to her what went on between my parents over the weekend.

“So what, you live with him now?” She wondered, making the situation sound like it was scandalous.

“No, we’re not living together,” I said, passing back the homework as students around me began clearing from the room. “He’s letting me crash there for a few days until I get things sorted out.”

“You guys must be at a good place.” She muttered as we walked through the hallways.

“We’re at a really good place,” I agreed, thinking back to the moments we’ve had since he returned from New York. “I’m happy and I think Penner’s happy.”

“Good, that’s good.” She said lowly.

“What about you and Jai?” I asked, obviously sensing something was bothering her.

“What about it?” She shrugged, weaving around the people who stood in the middle of the hallway, not caring if they are in anyone’s way.

“I take that as not so good.”

“He knows I lied to him about something and he won’t talk to me.” She mumbled, trying to keep the kids in the hall from hearing our conversation.

“How did he find out?” I wondered, knowing that she was talking about her play _Alice_. We fought our way through the line of people waiting for lunch and sat our bags down in the chairs. I found it strange that Jai wasn’t at our usual table yet, seeming as he was always the first one to lunch because he said that was the only reason he came to school every day. His comment never made sense to me because school food isn’t a great as he makes it out to be.

“I told him I was with Carly and Maddie.”

“Why didn’t he believe that?”

“He saw the both of them with Lucas at the diner the same time I said I was with them,” I nodded, telling her that I understood what she was saying to me. I stood silently as I tried to figure out what I was going to say next, but Morgan beat me to it. “I should’ve known that Jai wasn’t gunna sit with me.”

I followed her gaze across the lunchroom and saw Jai was sitting with some of his teammates from baseball, and Wes, my partner from Spanish class. “You can always sit with me and Penner.” I offered.

“Nah, thanks though,” She sighed, grabbing her things from the chair. “I’m just gunna get a bag of chips and go study for that book test in English.”

“Okay,” I said, giving her sad smile. “See ya later.” I slumped down in the open chair next to me and waited a few minutes before Penner snuck up behind me.

“Where’d Morgan run off to?” Penner asked, sitting in the chair next to me. There were whispers of Penner’s name coming from all around me, but it didn’t seem to bother him all that much.

“She’s studying.”

“Seriously?” He wondered, raising an eyebrow.

“Umm, not really,” I began. “There’s something going on between her and Jai.”

“Yeah, I saw him sitting with Wes,” I glanced over at Jai who was indeed sitting with Wes, but he wasn’t involved in any conversation. He looked like he was completely occupied with his own thoughts. “Have you seen your brother?”

“No, he was probably in the dean’s office or something.” I laughed to myself, glad that I hadn’t run into Nixon yet.

“If you need help dealing, you know I’m here for you,” He took my hand in his own, leaning in closer to me before whispering in my ear. “Listen I was thinking about doing something after school. Would you wanna come with me?”

“Where would we be going?” I grinned, biting on my lip.

“I distinctly remember you saying something about going boating—.”

“Are you for real?” I said a little too loudly for how close we were to each other. I could feel the people around us bring their eyes on us.

“I’m very for real.” He nodded.

“That’s awesome,” I wrapped both of my arms around his neck in appreciation for what he was doing for me. I felt his hands around my waist, but as I leaned back to look at him, I noticed his expression was brighter than it was just a few seconds ago. “I would love that.”

“That’s just what I wanted to hear.” He smiled, kissing me quickly.

“Hey guys.” A voice said from in front of us. We backed away from each other to see who it was.

“Oh, John what’s up,” Penner greeted, seeming as though he was better friends with him than I was. “I didn’t know you had lunch this hour.”

“I don’t, but I have a message for Isaac,” He grabbed my attention once he said my name. “Mr. Burkes wants to talk to you now.”

“Right now?” I asked, looking at Penner. His expression was just as confused as mine.

“Yeah, he’s waiting in his room for you.”

“Oh, okay,” I nodded. “Thanks John.” I smiled, watching as he walked away.

“That’s strange,” Penner mumbled. “Do you want me to come with you?”

“Nah—no, no,” I shook my head back and forth as I gathered all of my belongings in my arms. “I’ll catch up with you later.” I promised, wrapping an arm around his neck to give him a hug before I headed across the school.

I took me a while to find Mr. Burkes classroom since I’d never been there before, but when I came across his closed door, I knocked on it several times.

“Come in.” I heard from inside the room. I opened the door slowly, noticing the science teacher standing at his chalk board, taking notes for his next class.

“Mr. Burkes, you wanted to see me?”

“And you are?” He wondered without turning away from the board.

“I’m Isaac Baldwin, I think you’re my brother’s teacher.”

“Yes I am,” He muttered, setting the piece of chalk down and pointing to the desk in front of him. “Sit down.”

“Have I done something wrong?” I asked, setting my bag on the floor next to me.

“That’s kinda the point of why I have you here,” He removed his glasses from his face as his eyes stared hard into my own. It took everything in me to not look away. “We’ve been in school for a month now and Nixon's skipped eight of my classes.”

“Eight classes, are you sure?” I smiled, finding his reason for meeting with me a little irrelevant. “I mean, that's kind of hard to do.”

“Not when you're on drugs.”

“He can’t be on drugs,” I said, denying his statement. “I mean we just moved here, it’s not like he—.”

“It's his attempt at coping, Mr. Baldwin,” He interrupted. “And the signs are there. He's irritable, reserved, but mainly argumentative.”

“What are you saying, exactly?” I wondered, feeling the judgment coming off of Mr. Burkes.

“It's an impossible job, isn't it, practically being the parent to your brother?” He folded his arms across his chest, smirking at me slightly.

I glared at him while fiddling with my fingers on top of the table. “I’m not my father, and there’s nothing wrong with Nixon.” I said flatly.

“Wrong answer.” His voice was deep, not showing any emotion. The bell rang above my head before I could say what was on the tip of my tongue.

“If you’ll excuse me, but I have a class to be at.” I muttered, picking my bag up off the floor and leaving his class without looking back. I could now see why my brother hated Mr. Burkes so much.

(TIME PASS)

After school ended I thought that Penner bailed on me because his car was no longer in the parking lot, and I found it highly illogical that someone would steal a car like that. It would be so obvious whose car it was if someone got caught with it. I waited nearly an hour outside on the school benches for him to show up, and I almost threw in the towel and walked back to his house until he pulled his car along the curb in front of me.

“I was beginning to think you weren’t gunna show.” I joked, getting in on the passenger side and clicking my seatbelt before he began driving down the road. He still wore the same clothes as he did to school and his eyes were still covered by his sunglasses.

“Sorry, I had to talk with Rebekah.”

“About what?” I asked, looking outside as we drove along the beach and down to the docks.

“Oh, just stuff,” He shrugged, leaving the conversation to die out. I came to the conclusion that if Penner wanted to talk then he would talk, but I wasn’t gunna try and force anything out of him because that’s all I felt like I was doing. We didn’t say one word to each other until he put his car in park and grabbed a bag from the back seat. “Are you ready to go?”

“Oh, uh yeah, just let me get something real quick,” I nodded, reaching into my back pack to grab my motion sickness bracelet I carry around with me wherever I go. I haven’t found the need to wear it in quite some time, but seeing that I’ll be on a boat and unable to get off until we head back in a few hours I’ll need it more than anything.

I followed after Penner, passing by at least seven boats before he stopped in front of the oldest boat I’ve seen so far. Across the front of the boat the name Darlene was painted on the front in cursive blue letters. It was hard to make out through the green water stains all around the bottom.

Penner got on the boat first, but leaned back over the edge to take my hand and pull me on the boat with him. He grabbed onto my waist to steady me, looking in my eyes to check and see my expression. When he found that I was stable, he let go of me and proceeded to take the boat from the dock and out into the sea.

“Since when do you have your boating license?” I asked, setting my hands on the side of boat, looking out at the horizon. Being out in the ocean was something I’d never experience before, and it was a moment I didn’t think I’d ever have. Although I had the boat under me, I felt completely exposed. The ocean breeze was blowing through my hair and I could feel mist on my face the farther we went out.

“If you live in Camden and don’t have your boating license, the town’s people will burn you alive.” He laughed. I made my way over to where Penner was steering the boat, and watched his hands move different dials and switch things off and on.

“It looks difficult.”

“Not really, but it was at first,” He explained, still looking out at the ocean in front of him. “Now it’s like knowing how to ride a bike, you never forget.”

“When’s the last time you were on this?” I wondered, taking a look at how unused it looked. He engine was making strange squeaking sounds and there wasn’t a bit of shine anywhere on the boat.

“I haven’t been on this in—shoot, about five years ago.” He gasped, letting the boat sail on its own for a while. He stood on the same side as me, but kept his distance yet again.

“This looks like a fishing boat.” I said, trying to keep the conversation going. To be honest I was trying to get something out of him without even him realizing it. I didn’t know what talking about fishing boats was going to do, but it was better than nothing.

“It was my grandfather’s,” He began. “He taught me how to fish off this boat before he died.”

“Does no one else use this boat?”

“When my grandpa died, everyone wanted to sell it for a new boat, but I was against the whole thing,” He used several hand motions while explaining his past, and I was generally interested in hearing what he had to say. “No one understood all the memories I had with him and I wasn’t going to let someone I didn’t know come in and take it.”

“So what did you do to keep it?”

“We didn’t keep it at first,” I watched as he ran his hands along the wood as he spoke. “My parents tried to sell it for about a year but no one wanted to buy it, so they paid the guy from the junkyard to take it away.”

“Obviously you got it back.” I said, leaning on the railing. His body flinched and grabbed ahold of the wheel as we continued to go further and further out into the ocean.

“Yeah, it only took three years, too. I used some of my money that I earned from my band and found that the boat hadn’t even been touched since the day he came and took it off the water,” He looked at me out of the corner of his eye and smirked. “My parents think that someone in town bought it, they don’t even know it was me.”

“That sounds a bit rebellious Mr. Watson.” I said, making it seem like I was joking.

“If you want something done you have to go and do it yourself.” He shrugged still with a grin on his face.

“How far are you taking us out?” I wondered, watching as the buildings of Camden faded away each minute.

“Just about a mile or so,” He reassured. “You can see the caves really well from there.”

“Oh, I bet it looks really cool from this angle.” I agreed.

“I remember the first time I met you, we were at those Tuesday night parties and I took you to see the caves.” I was surprisingly shocked that he actually remembered what happened the day that we met. Ever since this morning he’s seemed like a different person and just something as simple as recalling something from a few weeks ago makes him seem like he’s finally himself again.

“That was something I don’t usually do either,” I laughed. “It was just something about you that made me feel comfortable and I just wanted to be around you all the time.”

“Hmm.” He hummed.

“What?” I smiled, watching his expression.

“You took the words out of my mouth.” He said, before changing the subject. “Are you cold?”

“No, I’m okay,” I muttered, turning my head so I could look at him from the corner of my eye. A shimmer of light caught my attention just inches from my feet. “Look a penny.” I smiled, picking it up from the ground and examining it in my hand. When I realized that it wasn’t a lucky penny, I placed it face up back on the floor of the boat. Penner put the boat in “park” before walking over to me.

“You're a serious weirdo, you know that?” He called, coming up beside me. He was still keeping his distance away from me, and nothing was telling me what was making him do this. I was beginning to wonder if I’d done something wrong, that I’d cross some line and ruined everything good between us.

“It isn't lucky unless it's face up.” I explained, pointing at the money.

“But now it's just a penny that thinks it's lucky, but it isn't.”

“Well now it can be lucky for someone else,” I shrugged, realizing he was now closer than he was before. “Besides, haven't you ever heard of making your own luck?”

I noticed his body tensed as I finished my sentence, but I didn’t want to ask him what was wrong in fear that I would make him angrier at me. “Well, what do you know? A lucky penny.” He leaned down and picked the penny up.

He twirled it through his fingers for a few seconds before launching it out in the ocean. “What did you do that for?” I asked, scrunching my eyebrows together in confusing.

“I don’t believe in luck.”

“Well there has to be reason why things happen the way they do.” I watched the ripples of the water as they faded out after a few seconds.

“It’s called fate.”

“So you believe in fate, but not luck?”

“Luck is for the weak,” I didn’t make any movements to reply, but he continued on explaining himself. “Fate is for the ones who know what they want, but aren’t quite sure how to get it.”

I nodded as I bit on the inside of my cheek. I think it’s just me, but everyone around me seems to be good at making up inspirational quotes to life. “I guess that makes sense. Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

“Are you happy?” I blurted without a second thought.

“What’s not to be happy about?” His voice had a hint of laughter as he said each word. I paused as I tried to gain the courage to say what I was thinking, but I went with my gut and said it anyway.

“I guess my real question is are you happy being with me?”

“Do you think I’m not?” He answered with another question. I watched his expression change from confusion to realization in a fraction of a second. “Did you talk to my dad again?” He asked, stepping closer to me than he already was.

“No this doesn’t have anything to do with your dad.” I shook my head back and forth and looked out at the water as I began growing frustrated that he wasn’t understanding what I was trying to say.

“Then tell me what made you think I wasn’t happy.” He said softly.

“I mean I feel like you’ve been avoiding me today,” I admitted, shrugging my shoulders. “I don’t know what’s going on, but something seems different.”

I could tell that there was something he was debating with in his mind by the way he looked at the ground. “The dream I had last night it’s just messing with my whole day.”

“So that’s what’s bothering you?” I asked.

“I’m fine.”

“So you are happy with me?” I said, keeping he same question in the conversation.

“Of course I am you dork!” He exclaimed, throwing his arms loosely around my neck. “This is the happiest I’ve been in a while.” His body was flushed against mine, and my hands rested on his waist.

“Oh, okay.”

“What else is going on?” He wondered, pulling us apart.

“How come—then how come we’re not like—you know, together?” I asked, stuttering to get my question out.

“We are together.”

“I know we’re together, but—but I wanna be together differently.” I said, trying to give him a hint at what I wanted without actually coming out and saying it.

“I don’t know what—.”

“Penn,” I interrupted, finding the guts to lay it out there without beating around the bush. “I want to be your boyfriend. We’ve been doing a lot more than just talking these past couple weeks and people keep asking me if you’re my boyfriend and I have to say no because I don’t even know myself.”

“I thought I was your boyfriend a long time ago.” He said softly compared to my freaking out voice.

“Then why didn’t you ever say anything?” I asked, calming myself down.

“I didn’t think it needed to be announced to the world,” He smiled, but that soon faded once he saw my hurt expression. “I didn’t mean it like that.” He sighed.

“It’s fine.” I said, adverting my eyes.

“Isaac Baldwin.” He began, his eyes glued to mine.

“Penner Watson.” I smiled, trying to get the attention off of me once I felt my cheeks beginning to heat up.

“Don’t make me laugh, I’m trying to be serious,” He said, trying to straighten his face. He took a pole from the boat and reached into the water to pull out a lily pad and offer it to me. “Isaac Baldwin, since I love making you happy, will you please, please, please be my boyfriend.”

I chewed on my lip, trying to make it seem like I was thinking really hard about his proposal, but I was only joking. I took one step and closed the gap between us by placing my hands on his waist to bring our bodies closer together. I then proceeded to cup his face with my hands and lay multiple kisses on his lips and wrapping my arms around his neck. “You’re the one who’s a dork.”

“Do you feel better now?” He mumbled, setting his hands under my shirt and rubbing his fingers along the dimples in my lower back. We stood like that for a couple minutes, just listening to the water around us. It was nice to be able to be completely alone with Penner and Penner to be completely alone with me.

“I didn’t feel bad in the first place,” I began, catching his attention. “I just wanted to get the answer out of you.” I smiled, feeling accomplished.

“You sneaky little—.” I cut him off with my lips before he was going to swear at me. I could feel the vibrations of his laugh on my hands as it was coming through his neck. I couldn’t help but smile into the kiss and my teeth accidently touched his lips as they were pressed against my own.

“I’m getting kinda hungry.” I joked, still not taking my lips even an inch away from his.

“Are you crazy?” He muttered, pushing against the back of my head to get our lips to touch once again. “We just got out here.”


	2. Tuesday, Oct. 2nd: With Every Tomorrow Comes Another Life

(Penner’s P.O.V)

My dream wasn’t as intense at the night before. This time the figure didn’t touch me. That was the only difference. I think that would explain why I woke up and couldn’t take my eyes off of Isaac. He was about a foot away from me in the bed and when he opened his eyes I reached out and touched his elbow.

“Hi.” I whispered, a smile growing on my face. Our eyes made contact and he pulled himself closer to me by grabbing onto my waist. He shifted his body so our ankles were tied together and our noses were practically touching.

“Hey boyfriend.” He mumbled, sleep still in his voice.

“Hmm,” My smile grew bigger on my face at the name he used for me. I had to admit, there was a certain feeling now that we were “officially” boyfriends that wasn’t there until last night. I think that once we were both on the same page we could take a breath and relax around each other. “Did you have fun yesterday?”

“Definitely,” He nodded. “I especially liked what we did when we got back home.”

“Hey, that’s not fair,” My arms tightened around his torso. “I was off my game.”

“Hopefully you’ll do better next time.” He joked.

“We can’t all be masters of Jenga.” I muttered, feeling our toes move back and forth against each other.

“You’re just mad that I kicked your ass.”

“Don’t talk smack!” I gasped, tickling his sides just to hear him squeal. He was screaming my name to get me to stop, but I let my fingers loosen up when his feet kept kicking into mine.

The longer we lay in bed, the less time either of us had to get ready for school, so when I got out of bed first he grabbed onto the back of my shirt to try and keep me from leaving. “C’mon, we gotta get up.” I laughed, tapping his shoulder to motivate him to get his body out of bed.

“No, I haven’t even gotten a kiss yet.” He pouted, throwing the covers over my head. I rolled my eyes at how dramatic he was being and leaned against the doorframe of my room, preparing to get the whistle from Rebekah’s room. I was starting to wonder what she was doing or where she was at since I hadn’t heard a word from her in a few days.

“Maybe if you get up and brush your teeth I can make an exception.” I’d never seen him get up that fast in all the time I’ve known him. As he dashed past me and into the hall, he retraced his steps and pulled on my arm from behind, spinning me around to give me and open mouthed kiss on my cheek. Those few short minutes we had together were the only good thing about my day, and the bulk of it hadn’t even begun yet.

At school, I found out that I was failing English. Plus, on top of that I had to leave Isaac sitting alone at lunch because Mr. Taylor needed to have me take some sort of test over the book that I hardly remembered. It was a no-brainer that I failed that as well.

But for the first time since I showed up back in town, I was swarmed by a group of 14 year olds who wanted pictures and autographs. I think they were waiting for the perfect moment where I was all alone walking into the diner and they could ambush me then. It still shocked me that our fans were so young because our lyrics usually talked about love, sex, and drugs. They probably thought that “I’m so high, I don’t wanna come down,” means we’re on a Ferris wheel at the annual State Fair.

It was now around 4 PM, and I showed up at the diner in the hopes of running into Mr. Reed. Rebekah always tells me how he’s the type for day drinking, and this seemed like a good enough guess that he would be here. I wanted to see if he would try and talk to Isaac about going back home and working things out with his parents. I didn’t want to be the one to do it because I knew he would get mad at me for trying to kick him out of my apartment, which wasn’t what I necessarily was trying to do.

Naturally, Zach wasn’t sitting at the bar like I assumed, but instead of leaving, Morgan sat in the chair right across from me.

“You’ve been here for an hour and haven’t ordered anything.” She said, flatly.

“I’m waiting for someone.”

“Who?” She wondered.

“It doesn’t matter, their obviously not gunna show up.” I shrugged, glancing towards the door as if the breeze coming in and out would sweep me away from this awkward teenage reunion.

“I would’ve thought you were waiting for Isaac,” She began. “It seems like you two are getting pretty close.”

“Uh, yeah I guess you could say that,” I nodded, thinking about Isaac. The last time I talked to him was after school when he made us rush back home because he had to go down to Camden Care to get Katherine. It’s been nearly a month since Isaac told me that she was deaf and it still hit me like a ton of bricks whenever I thought about it. For some reason it was hard for me to wrap my head around that a child could go through something as life changing as having permanent hearing loss. “We’re closer then you and Jai.”

“Actually Jai and I made up.” She snapped, taking my comment a little too seriously. I only knew that Morgan and Jai were on the outs because Isaac told me she was lying to him about being in the school play.

“How’d you manage that?” I wondered.

“I explained some things to him and now everything’s good,” She looked up at me through her eyelashes. “Now you see how easy things can turn out if you actually talk about them.”

“I can’t believe you’re still pissed about me leaving. You’re the one who cut me off, not the other way around.”

My chat with Morgan was paused once John cut into our conversation, and he proved time and time again that he was certainly good at that. “Hey, Penner.”

“Oh, hey John,” I smiled, glancing at Morgan to check if she was making the same expression as I was. “How’s school going?”

“It’s great.” His grin wasn’t at all convincing. John was a tall guy, and that took my eyes off of the child cowering behind him.

“Who is this?” I wondered, shifting my eyes to the boy.

“This is my brother, Nathan.”

The boy looked at least ten years old, somewhere around Trey’s age. His blonde hair lay flat on his head. “Hi, I’m Penner Watson.” I leaned down to his level so I could look him in the eye, but as I stuck my hand out for him to shake, he hid his face in the back of John’s shirt.

“Sorry about that, he’s really shy.” He apologized, rubbing Nathan’s back to try and comfort him the best he could.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s not a problem.”

“Would you like to join us?” Morgan asked, joining the conversation. I knew she wanted John to sit with us that way she wouldn’t have to deal with the fighting that was about to happened between her and I.

“Oh, I—I don’t want to interfere.” John shook his head back and forth, glancing down at Nathan.

“Please have a seat.” I pointed to the chair sitting directly in front of me. He pulled his brother on his lap and began looking around the diner. I could tell that he was uncomfortable by the way his knee bounced up and down, so instead of sitting with nothing to talk about I just said the first thing I could think of. “So what brings you here?”

“Oh, uh just picking up some food for my dad.”

“What does he do?”

“He’s actually in the process of writing a book,” He nodded, exchanging looks between Morgan and I. “That’s kinda the whole story of why we moved here.”

“Is your dad Lewis Tulsan?” I blurted, thinking of a name I remembered.

“Yeah, do you know him?” His voice seemed quieter the more he talked.

“No, I’ve never met him,” I looked towards Morgan who silently shook her head back and forth. “My sister is kinda showing him around town and giving him all the facts of Camden.”

There was another short pause before John said, “It looks like the whole school is here.”

“Yeah, a lot of people come here to hang out,” I explained, looking around the diner. There was a lot of posters from movies and records pinned up to the walls. There was also a pool table in the far corner of the restaurant that was being occupied by Jai’s sister, Hannah and some older guy I’d never seen before. “It’s a nice place to just chill.”

“Not to mention the food is amazing.” Morgan pointed out. “So, where did you move from?”

“Montana.” John said, looking down at his brother.

“That’s a big change.” I breathed, watching as Nathan was fidgeting in John’s lap.

“You’re last name is Watson, right?” He asked, taking the conversation way off course.

“Yeah that’s right.” I nodded, squinting my eyes slightly.

“I stayed with some Watson’s when I did my foreign exchange program last year. Do you have any family in Leeds?”

“Actually I do,” I smiled, blinking a few times. “Some great-great- grandparents or something like that.”

“Helena and Alan?”

“I think so.” I mumbled. I know his point didn’t necessarily have anything to do with me, but at this point in my life, I was beginning to grow annoyed when all anyone wanted to talk to me about was my life or my family. I never thought that anyone wanted to talk to me for just being Penner Watson. People wanted to talk to me because I was Penner Watson, bass player of Blunt of the Fourth.

“What do you know, small world, right?” I grinned at Morgan then back at me.

“Johnny—.” Nathan whispered, pulling on the bottom of John’s shirt.

“Oh, well I should be getting this one home.” He plucked his brother off his lap and as soon as he stood up, Nathan took John’s hand in his.

“See you at school.” Morgan mumbled.

“Yeah.” He smiled. He paused at the counter to take a to-go bag of food before pulling Nathan gently along behind him.

“Okay, that was weird.” She said, sitting up in her chair and pointing at the door John just walked out of.

“No, it wasn’t.” I muttered, shaking my head back and forth.

“Are you kidding me?” Her eyebrows shot all the way up on her forehead. “He’s lived here almost a month and he’s never been to the diner.”

“Maybe they’re on a budget or something,” I offered, not understanding how she can say I was a terrible friend not five minutes ago and then try and act like nothing happened. “It’s none of our business why John doesn’t come to the diner.”

Her eyes adverted over my shoulder, sighing to herself before mumbling, “Duty calls.” and going back into the kitchen before I could bring up our previous argument. I glanced at my phone and rushed out of the diner when I realized I nearly missed my 5:30 appointment.

I was meeting with Lucas’s mom, who was the town therapist I first visited when my grandfather died at the age of 13. She was also there when the whole Tyson problem occurred. I probably would’ve gone mad if I didn’t visit her every day the past couple of years. I didn’t had the need to see her in almost a year because I felt as if everything was starting to get under control, but once I saw the figure pop back up in my dreams I knew I was starting to get bad again.

“Hi, I’m Penner Watson and I have an appointment with Veronica Stark.” I said, smiling at the lady behind the desk.

“I will let her know you are here.”

I watched as she came out from behind the counter and around the corner and disappearing, leaving me to sit alone in the waiting area. I picked up a magazine that sat in the chair next to me, and the front of it had a picture of Blunt of the Fourth on the cover. As hard as I try to sort of escape that world, it always comes out of nowhere to remind me that that was my new life. I lazily flipped through the pages until the woman came back a few minutes later to tell me that I could go back to see Mrs. Stark.

The moment I opened the door, she was waiting in her chair for me. “Penner,” She grinned, hugging me briefly and signaling me to sit on the couch. “I haven’t seen you in quite some time. It’s so good to see you again.”

“It’s great to see you, too,” I smiled as wide as I could. “I just wish that it wasn’t under these circumstances.”

“Why don’t we go ahead and get started then?” She suggested, taking out a pen from her inside jacket pocket. “So tell me what’s going on.”

I started picking at the couch like I usually do when I’m nervous. It could be proven in interviews and onstage during performances. “They’re happening again,” I said, bluntly. “My dreams, I mean.”

She silently scribbled something in her notebook before asking, “What do you think caused your dreams to reoccur?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t done anything differently.”

“You’re still in the same room?” She asked.

“Same room, same building, same everything,” I explained. “It’s just—.”

“Just what?” She wondered once I paused.

“This time the figure talked to me,” I muttered, keeping my eyes on the ground. “But the strange thing was is that I had this conversation once before.”

“Who have you had this conversation with?”

Her question caused my palms to get all sweaty. I hated that I could remember this. “I had it with Tyson the first time we met.”

“And what was he saying?”

“It doesn’t matter.” I mumbled. I could feel myself sinking further and further into the couch, trying to escape somehow.

“Listen, Penner,” She said softly, noticing how reserved I’d become. “I know this is difficult to talk about, and what happened to you should never happen to anyone. Ever. You’ve made such outstanding progress in such a short amount of time, and I’m extremely proud of you. But you and I both know that it’s better to speak your mind then to keep it bottled up inside, right?”

“Yeah.” I nodded, slowly coming out of my shell.

“Right,” She nodded. “So what was Tyson saying in your dream?” She persisted.

“It was something about luck, he was saying that he makes his own luck,” I paused when I made a connection in my head. “Oh my gosh.”

“What’s the matter?”

“He said that exact same thing to me.”

“Who said the same thing?”

“Isaac,” I breathed, swallowing hard. “He said that same thing to me yesterday, about making your own luck.” I felt like I couldn’t think straight. How is it that Isaac said nearly the exact thing Tyson said two years ago? None of this made any sense.

“Isaac Baldwin?” She wondered.

“Yeah do you know him?”

“No, your father told me about him when I ran into him at the store last week.” She explained slowly.

“What did he say?” I asked, leaning up in my chair. A couple weeks ago, Isaac met my dad for the first time and to say the least it did not go well at all. My dad flat out told Isaac about Tyson without letting me handle it myself. It’s like he purposefully wanted to ruin any relationship I’ll ever have again just because my mom and dad think I lied about everything that happened between me and Tyson.

“Please, there’s nothing to worry about,” She tried reassuring me, only making me feel slightly better. “I don’t make judgments about people unless I meet them for myself. Penner, I want you to think about the day you met Isaac.” She said, taking my mind off my father.

“Okay.” I agreed, taking a large breath and thinking back to the beginning of September.

“How long ago would you say it was?” She wondered.

“About a month.”

“Okay, good,” She again scribbled something in her notebook. “Now, when did you start having your dreams again?”

“About a few days ago,” Our eyes made contact, and I could imply what you was thinking. “Wait, you don’t think that Isaac is the cause of all this?”

“I’m just giving my opinion,” She started. “You haven’t had your dreams since almost a year and then Isaac shows up and you begin having them just a few weeks later. And then you tell me that he says the same things Tyson has said to you.”

“What are you saying, that Isaac is actually secretly working for Tyson so he can continue to ruin my life?” I exaggerated.

“I’m just saying that I think Isaac is triggering some memories,” She shrugged. “He’s the first relationship you’ve had since Tyson, am I correct?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“If I was in your shoes, I would consider the fact that you could get even more vivid dreams the longer you stay with Isaac,” I started to protest to her statement, but she cut me off. “But I also think that the only way you can get over these dreams is to make new memories with Mr. Baldwin in replace of your old ones with Tyson.”

“What should I do?” I asked. If I break up with Isaac, there’s a chance my nightmares would go away, but if I stay with Isaac I would still get nightmares, but they could eventually go away. Either way I’m suffering in some way or another.

“I think you need to think about what’s best for you,” She looked down at her watch and stood up. “Looks like your time is up. If you ever need to talk just make another appointment and I’ll be glad to help.”

I sighed to myself and walked out of the building and to my car, driving the long way home so I could think to myself for a few minutes.

I figured once I stepped foot in my house, Isaac would trample me down, but that’s not what happened at all. “Who’s there?” Isaac’s voice called as soon as I walked through the door.

“Izzy, it’s just me.” I breathed, locking the door behind me. It was now after 6 PM and he’d been home for who knows how long.

“There you are!” He exclaimed, coming out of the living room. “I was wondering where you’ve been.”

“I just got caught up at the diner,” His arms wrapped tightly around my neck as if I’d just returned home from war. “I ran into my sister and you know her, she doesn’t ever stop talking.”

I tried to come up with something believable that would stop him from asking anymore questions about my night, and I can’t have him find out about my dreams or my therapist field trip after school. His grip on me loosened once my arms around him tightened, acknowledging his presence.

“Have you eaten anything?” His hands rested on my shoulder as I walked into the kitchen to grab a drink out of the fridge.

“Umm, not really, just something small,” I lied again. I was starving to death but I didn’t want to have to talk about my night with Isaac just in case my lies started getting confusing to even myself. “I’m really not all that hungry anyway.”

“Oh, okay,” He nodded. “Can I tell you something?” He asked, leaning against the counter with his arms folded across his chest.

“Sure.” I said, taking a sip of my water.

“I saw my mom today.” He mumbled.

“Really?” My eyes widened. I was beginning to think that he would never want to look at another Baldwin family member again. “What happened?”

“Umm, I went to pick up Katherine after school and she was there waiting to talk to Rebekah about something. Thankfully there was no yelling, but we just talked about the weather and what was happening at home,” He sucked in a breath. “She kept saying how Trey and Kitty missed me, but I wasn’t surprised she didn’t say anything at all about Nixon. She also wanted to know where I’ve been staying the last two days.”

“Are you thinking about going back home?” I asked, timidly.

“I don’t think I’m fully there yet,” He began rocking back and forth on his heels. “I want to spend as much time with you as possible.” I gave him a weak smile and chewed nervously on my fingernails. “Do you want to watch a movie or something?”

“I’ve actually got a headache and I was just gunna go sleep it off.” I muttered, pointing my thumb towards the stairs that lead up to my room.

“Oh,” He swallowed. “Do you want me to lay with you?”

“No, no I just want to be left alone.” I said a little too harshly. All I could think about was my appointment with Mrs. Stark and I was taking my anger out on him. He was just being sweet, he didn’t deserve this.

“Okay.” He nodded, making his way back into the living room. I mentally slammed my head into the cabinet multiple times before I took off after him.

“Actually, Izzy,” I said, clearing my throat. “Could you come lay with me?” I could see the light in his eyes come back as the words came out of my mouth. He followed me up the stairs and turned the lights off in my room once I was in my bed. I placed my head on his chest and felt his strong arm wrap around my shoulders. I didn’t care what Mrs. Stark said. If I was going to have nightmares, so be it. There was no way I was going to let Isaac out of my grasp, not when I just got him. He was going to save me, and I was going to save him.

 

 

 


	3. Wednesday, Oct. 3rd: My Universe Will Never Be The Same

(Penner’s P.O.V)

I went to bed next to Isaac and I woke up next to Isaac that very morning. The only reason in knew that was because I felt a hand that wasn’t mine slap against my cheek. Along with the sounds of my alarm blaring throughout the room, his voice groaned in my ear.

“Turn it off.” He whined, repeatedly pushing against my shoulder.

“Okay, okay,” I reached my arm over to the night stand to switch the alarm off on my phone. “There.” I breathed, laying on my back to let myself adjust to being awake. I was startled when I felt soft fingers running up and down my chest and I opened my eyes to see Isaac looking back at me. “What time is it?” He whispered.

“6:45 AM.” I mumbled.

“Ugh.” He groaned, throwing his arm around my waist while burying his face into my side. After a few moments of silence, I wrapped my arm loosely around his shoulder and began running my hands through his messy hair. I noticed his exposed ear twitched which only happens when he moves his eyebrows while he’s thinking.

“What are you thinking?” I wondered, catching him off guard.

“I’m not thinking of anything.” 

“Yes you are, I can tell by the way your eyebrow is raised.” I explained, watching as he wiggled to find a more comfortable position.

“I’ll tell you later, it’s not that big of a deal.”

“You sure?” I asked.

“Totally.” I could feel his limbs stretch as he lay next to me.

“So since you’re thinking about something. I’ve got something on my mind as well.”

“Oh yeah?” He moved so he was putting all the pressure on his elbows.

“I’ve just remembered that I haven’t given you your souvenir yet.” I explained, watching as he moved his face closer to mine.

“Hmm,” He grinned. “Well when’re you going to give it to me?” His lips were about an inch from mine, getting closer and closer every second.

“When you least expect it,” I rolled out from under him in attempts to start getting ready. “Get up.” I smiled, looking back at him.

“No, come back,” He whined, reaching his arms out at me. 

I walked around the bed over to his side and leaned down so our noses were almost touching. He probably thought I was going to kiss him, which is just what I wanted him to think, but then without warning I ripped the sheets off his body and watched as he curled his body together to find the warmth that was once there. “I hate you!” I heard him shout from the bathroom that was connected to my room.

After stepping out of the shower, I didn’t know if Isaac had gotten out of bed yet. I slipped on my boxers and a t-shirt and began to turn the corner into my room when I was met with a pillow to my face.

“Got ya!” Isaac laughed, constantly hitting me in the stomach with my pillow.

“You’re dead.” I grinned, wrapping my arms around his waist and pushing him back against the bed until I was on top of him.

“I’m sorry!” He yelled once I began attacking his sides with my fingers. “I’m sorry!” He repeated, giving me his pouty face, knowing that would get me to stop. I lifted myself off his body and grabbed my jeans from the closet before going back into the bathroom to fix my hair just the way I liked it. I met Isaac about a half hour later downstairs where I saw him sitting at the island eating a bowl of Lucky Charms.

“So we’re going out for dinner tonight.” He said, his mouth full of cereal.

“Oh, really,” I started, cocking an eyebrow as he nodded. “We as in who exactly?”

“Me, and you, and a few other people.” His voice carried off the more he talked.

“A few other people?” I wondered, putting the box of cereal back in the cabinet.

“Yeah, like Carly, and Jai,” I waited for him to continue because he wasn’t giving me any eye contact. “And more than likely Morgan.” 

“Isaac.” I breathed. Everyone knew that Jai, and especially Morgan and I didn’t get along all that great. But when I’m told that I’m supposed to meet and have dinner with them, I immediately turned it down.

“You have to make up eventually.”

“Yes, but the key word is eventually, which means like ten years from now.” I explained, not dramatizing even a little. 

“Are you going to come with me or not?” His eye grew wide and pouty, very much like a puppy. I tried my best to not give in, but when my boyfriend is looking at me like that I can’t say no.

“I’ll go just for you.” I mumbled, caving in to his request.

“Thank you,” He smiled, coming around the island to squeeze his arms around the side of my waist and kiss my cheek. “You’re the best.”

“Uh huh,” I muttered. “You better not ditch me and leave me alone with them.”

“I won’t, it’ll be fun,” He promised. “C’mon let’s go to school.” He grabbed me by the hand and dragged me to the door where we put on our shoes and grabbed our back packs and jackets before we got in my car and drove down the street.

(Morgan’s P.O.V)

Last week, my mom told me that Jai got the job at the diner. At first when I found out, I wasn’t too excited since we were on bad terms the past couple of days, but the both of us talked it out last night and things seemed to be getting back to normal. This was the first day that he and I were scheduled to work together and I was a little nervous.

I walked through back door like I used every time I came into work, and I nearly ran into a ladder that was set just inside. I glanced up at the ceiling and saw that Jai was getting down stacks of to-go cups from the storage cabinets.

“Hey, sorry about that.” He said, climbing down and moving the ladder out of my way.

“How long have you been here?” I wondered, noticing his apron had more than a few ketchup stains.

“Since about noon.” He shrugged, carrying a handful of cups and putting them underneath the counter.

“So you skipped Chemistry again?” I asked, sitting down in one of the counter seats while Jai wiped down the counters.

“Morgan,” He whined, scrunching his eyebrows together. “You act like it’s a class that I need to have.”

“It is a class you need to have if you want to go to college.”

“Who cares if you know that one hydrogen atom and two oxygen atoms make up water?” He asked, throwing his hands up in the air.

“It’s two hydrogen and one oxygen.” I corrected.

“That’s exactly my point,” He said, pointing at me. “It’s just a bunch of crap that won’t ever help me in the real world.”

“You’ll regret skipping later.”

“If I stayed I would’ve regretted not taking these extra hours and getting more money.” I let the argument die down so we wouldn’t be on the outs again. After his comment, no more than ten minutes later he huffed and threw his head down on the counter.

“This is boring.” He moaned, his head laying on the counter. Only two people were in the diner, and it was the same two people who came in at this time every day. The elderly couple always kept to themselves unless they wanted a refill on their coffee, but other than that they didn’t say a word.

“You haven’t even had this job a week and you’re already complaining.”

“Who eats a 3 PM?” He asked, rhetorically. “It’s completely dead in here.” He said, pointing out into the empty restaurant.

“What am I supposed to do about that?”

“I don’t know, liven it up.” He suggested, leaning on the counter so his face was closer to mine.

“How am I supposed to do that?” I wondered.

“Try something like this.” He whispered, putting his lips on mine. 

“Oh, god, not on the counter.” A voice said behind me. At first I was afraid that I was my Mom, but it was a face I hadn’t seen in a long time.

“Harper?” I was in shock when I saw my older sister standing there with sunglasses in her hand.

“Well,” She cleared her throat, looking around the diner at all the people. “This isn’t the welcome home party I was expecting.” 

“Where’ve you been?” I breathed, still not believing my own eyes.

“Where’s Mom? I’ve been looking everywhere for her.” She asked, avoiding my question.

“She’s working at the hospital, she doesn’t come in on Wednesday’s.” I explained, watching as she turned her back and walked out of the diner without another word.

“Well that was an unpleasant surprise.” Jai commented.

“Extremely unpleasant,” I agreed. “I’ve gotta let my Mom know she’s back.” I pulled out my phone and went into the back of the restaurant to warn her that my sister was on her way to see her.

(Isaac’s P.O.V)

After school, I waited with Penner until it was time to meet my friends at the diner. Penner still didn’t like the idea and I had to drag him out of the house and into my car.

“Stop acting like a child.” I joked, watching as he pouted in the passenger seat.

“This is worse than that time in Nevada when I accidentally put my hand on a cactus and had to pick the needles out myself.” His head hung low and he was shaking hi head back and forth.

“Come again?” My eyebrows shot up at his strange story.

“Oh, never mind.” He waved it off as we pulled into the parking lot. I watched as he chewed nervously on the inside of his cheek.

“Hey,” I said, catching his attention. I grabbed onto his hand and placed it in my own. “Everything’s gunna be fine, there’s no need to worry.” I tried comforting him. To be honest, I thought it was kinda strange that Penner was freaking out this much. I mean, being a famous musician, you have to deal with people you hate all the time, right? But maybe he was having such a hard time dealing with this because he knew Jai and Morgan before he became famous.

“Just hold my hand,” He requested. “Please?”

“Of course.” I smiled, pulling him closer so our mouths could connect. After a few quick pecks, we walked hand in hand to the front doors and stepped inside. I waved down Morgan from across the room and she came over to meet us.

“Whoa, there’s a lot of people here.” I said over the loud talking. It was packed from wall to wall and it was hard to find a place to sit.

“It’s half price soup night every Wednesday,” She said, waving at Jai to come and join her. Penner let go of my hand and made his way through the crowd and over to a large table that could sit at least eight with just three people sitting there. I watched as he walked away because he was the one who said he didn’t want to be ditched, and now he was leaving me alone. I thought we were in this together! “Apparently everyone in town loves it.”

“Clearly,” I agreed, still wondering what Penner was trying to do. “You can’t even find a seat here.”

“Well it looks like Penner has the seating under control.” Jai muttered, pointing across the room. The woman Penner was talking to, gathered up her friends and her belongings and moved to a smaller table in the back. Penner pointed at the table and sat down, claiming his spot.

“He's probably already been hit on, like, 35 times,” Morgan muttered, “He's total cougar bait.”

“Impressive.” I nodded, not having a care in the world that Morgan was secretly trying to make me jealous.

“More like embarrassing.” Jai piped up.

“Where’s Carly?” I asked.

“She’s getting a ride from Maddie and Lucas.” Morgan explained.

“I didn’t know they were coming.” I said, moving out of the way to let someone in the door. “Should we go sit down then?” I offered. 

“Yeah, we’ll be there in a sec,” Morgan nodded. “We should probably wait for them to show up.”

“Oh, okay.” I went over to the table that Penner was sitting at and sat down right next to him. “Well this is a lot more hectic then I was imagining.”

“This is actually quite calm.” Penner said, leaning in close so we could hear each other.

“We’ll you’ve been in much larger crowds than this,” I pointed out. “You’re used to this kinda stuff.”

“I’m just trying to make it through the night.” Penner admitted, laughing slightly.

After about ten minutes, Morgan, Jai, Carly, Lucas, and Maddie joined us at the table. Penner’s expression to Maddie and Lucas showing up was complete shock. Most of the night he tried talking to Lucas because I think he’s the only one out of the group that didn’t hate him.

“Crap.” Morgan muttered, looking over towards the door. A woman with dark hair walked over to our table and started talking with Morgan.

“I still haven’t been able to find Mom.” She said.

“If she’s not at the hospital then I don’t know where she is.”

The woman looked around the table and examined each of us, looking at me the longest. She kept glancing back and forth between me and Penner, strangely observing the both of us.

“Carly, honey.” She said, holding out her arms for a hug. Carly stood up and hugged the woman, softly patting her on the back.

“Hi, Harper.” Carly mumbled.

“Long time, no see.” Harper smiled, letting go of Carly.

“How are you doing?” Carly asked, looking down at Morgan so she would do something to get rid of her.

“Oh, same old, same old,” She smiled, twisting a strand of Carly’s hair in between her fingers. “Morgan tells me a guy broke your heart.”

“Harper.” Morgan warned. I turned my head to look at Penner and his eyes were looking in his lap. He was playing with his fingers and trying to avoid eye contact. I cleared my throat, and took one of his hands so I would know he was still sitting there next to me. 

“Just kidding, calm down,” She smiled, playfully hitting Morgan on the shoulder. “Well if you’ll excuse me, I need to talk with my brother.” She left without another word. I watched her move across the room and over to Grayson Moseley, Morgan’s brother.

Well now everything made clearer sense. Harper was Morgan’s sister. Through Harper and Grayson’s large hand motions, I noticed Nixon come walking in through the back door and over to Grayson who looked over his shoulder and the three of them went into the back room of the diner.

“Do you know what you’re getting?” Penner asked, catching my attention and looking me in the eye.

“Umm, yeah I think.” I nodded, trying to get my mind off of what my brother could possibly be doing. From the looks of it, Harper didn’t look like a great influence to be around, and I knew that Grayson was a terrible one just from past experiences.

The waitress came over and we all ordered our dinner, and we all tried to make conversation, but it just turned into a couple’s night. Morgan and Jai kept to themselves, Carly, Maddie and Lucas talked amongst themselves, and Penner and I just relied on each other to not make things anymore awkward then they were.

After everyone finished their dinner, I excused myself so I could use the restroom, but I was actually just going into the back room to see if I could find anything back there that would give me proof that Nixon was up to no good.

I began looking in the shelves and behind containers of food for whatever I could find

“You’re not supposed to be back here,” A voice startled me and I turned my head to defend myself, but it was just Penner. He walked up beside me as I continued to look through all the supplies. “What are you doing? 

“I’ve become my worst nightmare.” I admitted. There was a piece of newspaper crumbled up in between large cans of peaches that caught my eye.

“How’s that?” He wondered.

“I’m acting like an adult who has to dig through a 14 year olds life,” I pulled out the paper and found a small baggie that was filled with weed. “I see the hiding places haven’t gotten any more creative.” I stormed out the back door and down to an opening where the sewer system opened. I dropped the bag down into the pipe and huffed, staring out at the ocean.

I began thinking out the meeting I had with Mr. Burkes, Nixon’s science teacher, on Monday. He completely made me feel like the bad guy, he made me feel like I was the one who was supposed to be looking after everyone. I can’t take that kind of pressure right now.

“What brought this on?” Penner asked after I sucked down a few deep breaths.

“Mr. Burkes humiliated me.” I said, softly.

“Been there.” He joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“‘It’s an impossible job,’” I mocked, thinking about what Mr. Burkes said to me. “Got it, thanks, like I didn’t know I was screwing up.” I choked back a sob, trying to stay calm.

“You’re not screwing up.” Penner said standing behind me, his chest against my back. His large bass playing hands were gently running up and down my arms.

“Yes I am.” I nodded, feeling a single tear slip down my cheek. 

“Izzy—,” Penner started, but I interrupted.

“You wanna know why? It’s because I’m not my parents,” Penner made a move to stand in front of me, but I adverted my eyes somewhere out in the ocean. “I’m gunna do something wrong and he’s gunna get worse and its gunna be my fault. It is impossible.” 

Penner gently placed both of his hands on my neck so I would look at him. “Isaac, you’re just have a freak out moment, everyone gets them from time to time,” He said, his voice was soothing as he attempted to calm me down. “Listen to me, it’s not your responsibility to raise them, and if it is this is just the fear talking. You’re a little scared that’s all. We all are.” 

I nodded in understanding. What Penner was saying made a little bit of sense. It was true, I was having a freak out moment. It was also true that it’s not my job to raise my siblings. I’m supposed to be a teenager and enjoy being with friends. And it’s true that I’m scared about the future because I can’t figure out what’s going to happen.

I grabbed onto Penner so I could pull him into a bone crushing hug. His arms would tighten and untighten around me just to make me feel secure. My phone vibrated in my pocket and let go of my boyfriend to look at the message.

“Crap.” I said, looking at the screen.

“What is it?” He asked.

“My mom wants me to go pick my brother up from basketball practice.” I explained, putting my phone back in my pocket and starting towards my car.

“I’ll go with you.” He offered, following me.

“That’s not a good idea.”

“Why not?” He asked, taking my arm to stop me in my tracks.

“Once I take him home from practice they’ll see that I’m with you and know that I’ve been staying with you this whole time.” I clarified, unlocking my car and sitting down.

“Is it bad that they find out?” He smiled, getting in the passenger seat of my car.

“It’s just that they’re the type to banish me from ever seeing you again.” I said, trying to keep a straight face.

“Yeah, but you wouldn’t listen to them would you?” He said, spontaneously kissing me.

“You’re right, I wouldn’t,” I said, taking my lips off of his. “But I don’t want to take that risk. I’ll go alone that way you stay out of the fighting.” I drove Penner back to his house before I drove down to Trey’s school where he was having practice. 

“All right, guys huddle up,” Trey’s coach called, clapping his hands together to gather all the boys into a circle. I couldn’t make out what the coach was saying but once everyone all cheered the same thing, I figured practice was over. I spotted my brother behind the group of boys running towards the locker room and his coach stopped him in his tracks. “Trey, pick up the balls.”

I saw his head dropped and he started gathering as many basketballs as he could in his hands. There was roughly about 15 balls that the coach ordered Trey to pick up and by the time he had four in the cart, the coach was out of the gym, leaving my brother alone. I watched as he tried to pick up two balls at once and that’s when I stepped in to help. I reached down to grab at the ball he was struggling to pick up and his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree.

“Izzy,” He breathed, dropping everything to wrap is arms around my waist, burying his face in my stomach. I brushed my fingers through his hair, thinking about how much leaving actually affected my siblings. “I knew you’d come back.”

I sighed to myself, looking down at my youngest brother. I didn’t want to say that I wasn’t coming back because I wanted him to still have hope that someday I would come home, but I couldn’t exactly give him an answer for that. “I’m here to take you home.” I muttered.

He pulled back and looked up at me, his face full of disgust. He leaned down to pick the balls up again, but I stopped him and picked them up myself.

“Hey, gimme those,” I tried my best to shoot the ball at the basket, and by some kind of miracle it went through the hoop. “Come on.” Trey whined.

“Let's go, take a shot.” I smiled, trying to get him to play with me. The last thing I heard Trey say before I stormed out of the house was that he wanted to quit playing basketball. I could understand why he hated it, but I didn’t want him to give up just because he was having a rough time. Trey was a great athlete for his age and I could see him playing any sport he wanted to when he was older.

I grabbed the other ball out of his hand and shot it at the basket again. “Come on.” He pouted, chasing after the balls I’d recently shot.

“You gotta get fired up for your game this weekend.”

“I am.” He mumbled, throwing the balls into the cart and leaving me unconvinced.

I frowned at the tone of his voice and the sadness in his eyes. “Trey, let’s go sit down,” I motioned towards the bleachers and let Trey follow after me. “You used to love playing sports. I remember you and dad used to play hockey in the driveway till it was too dark to even see the puck.”

“Even when I missed, he'd always count it.” I saw a smile on his face for a fraction of a second before it was replaced with the same glazed over look he’d adapted over the past few days.

“It's okay to smile about it.” I said, rubbing his back.

“No, it's not.” He shook his head

“And it's okay to play sports.” I continued.

“No.” He denied again, his voice firmer than before.

“Why?” I wondered, finally getting to the point where he would tell me everything.

“Because he doesn’t play with me anymore,” I could tell my brother was trying not to cry because he sucked back a shaky breath and continued. “Because everyone talks about Matt and how I kissed him.”

“Trey,” My arm wrapped fully around his small shoulders and tried to comfort him the best I could. “The only thing sadder than Dad not being there for you, is knowing that by not being there, you're not doing what you love. We want you to be happy, that’s all anyone wants.” He sniffed and wiped his nose with the bottom of his t-shirt.

“But what if I don’t want to play basketball anymore?” He asked, looking up at me.

“Then we’ll find something that you’ll like even better than basketball,” I promised, hoping that I’d gotten through to him. “You’re my brother and I hate seeing you like this.” At that moment, everything became clear to me. The question I’d be contemplating in my head all day finally had an answer. I knew what my decision would be.

(Morgan’s P.O.V)

After a long night with friends and cleaning up the diner, I finally got home around 11 PM. The lights were all off and I assumed that everyone was asleep, so I quietly made some tea so it would help me sleep. It wasn’t until I turned to go to my room that I saw a figure sitting on the couch in the dark. 

“How’d you get in here?” I breathed, grabbing onto the wall for balance, spilling a little of my tea on the floor. I glanced at my sister, trying to understand why she would sit in the dark without acknowledging that she was there.

“I still have a key,” Harper said, holding it in the air. “If you didn’t want me to return you should’ve changed the locks.” 

I glanced down the hall and checked to see if the lights were off in my parents—well, my Mom’s room before I walked over to the recliner and sat down, not taking my eyes off my sister. “Where've you been, I haven’t seen you since the 4th of July.” 

“You know, here and there.” She smiled, throwing her feet up on the coffee table.

“No, actually, I don't.” I said, shaking my head back and forth. 

“So, brown eyes are the new flavor of the month, huh?” She muttered, changing the subject. That was the most annoying quality about my sister. You could never get a straight answer about anything, she always wanted it to be like a game or something. “So sorry I scared him off.” She said, sarcastically.

“He's not a flavor, Harper,” I growled, defending Jai. “I like him.”

“So he's the one?” 

“No, probably not,” I breathed, seeing the small glimpse of happiness in Harper’s eyes before I added, “But maybe.”

“Morgan, seriously,” She straightened her posture and placed her feet back on the ground. “The mayor’s son?”

Before Jai’s father became Mayor, his mom was a math teacher at the high school, and Mrs. Barker and my sister didn’t get along at all. She still holds a grudge on that family because she made Harper’s life a living hell. I don’t blame her for not liking Mrs. Barker, but she didn’t have to push her hate onto Jai.

“Harper, seriously knock it off,” I mocked, trying to think of something else to talk about, but what came out wasn’t a great topic either. “So, I’m assuming you don’t know about Mom and Dad then?”

“Oh, I know that they’re getting divorced,” She nodded, feeling the material of the pillow next to her. Her response gave off the vibe that she didn’t have a care in the world about our parents separating. I didn’t particularly like the idea, and my brother couldn’t have been happier to have Dad out of his life.

“And how do you know that?”

“Believe it or not I still have a few friends in town.”

I bit on my lip and nodded, not taking my eyes off her. “Have you seen Dad at all?” I wondered. I haven’t seen my father since I heard about the news that they were getting divorced and I was starting to get worried. I was also getting worried that no one in the family cared about him anymore besides me.

“No, but don't worry he'll show his face when he needs something,” She paused briefly. “I played that game.”

“Are you playing it now?” I asked.

“No.” She answered, genuine hurt appeared on her face. I didn’t buy it for a second.

“Then what are you doing home?” I snapped, tired of interrogating her.

“Are you trying to say I need a reason to come back?” I stayed as still as possible, that way she wouldn’t be able to read me. A smile appeared on her face, and leaned back on the couch. “So, tell me everything I've missed, hmm?”

“I can’t, I’ve got school tomorrow and I need to get some sleep.” I stood up and started towards my room, but then I heard her voice behind me.

“Of course you do,” I looked back at her over my shoulder, and she was waving at me. “Night, sis.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys I know it's been forever! But I pulled a senior prank with the rest of my class and got suspended from school.. anyways here's the next chapter.


	4. Thursday, Oct. 4th: I'm Just a Man, I'm Not a Hero

(Isaac’s P.O.V)

Over the past few nights I was beginning to grow worried about Penner because he was acting more different than usual. He only talked about the nightmares he’d been having just once, and I was afraid that he was going through something much worse than that. I couldn’t help but be nervous of his reaction of me telling him that I’m going back home. I honestly think he wouldn’t handle it well.

I was planning on telling him at lunch today, and I was praying that he would have something else he needed to do and would skip it, but I wasn’t surprised when I saw him sitting at our usual table alone.

“Hey, Penn.” I sighed, sitting down in the chair beside him.

“Hi.” He gave me a large grin and leaned across the table to kiss my cheek. I took in a deep breath and saw all the people looking at us as they walked by. I tried to avoid their eye contact and focus on something else, and I couldn’t help but notice the notebook he couldn’t take his eyes off of

“What are you doing?” I asked, noticing the chicken scratch on the paper in front of him.

“I’ve had this beat inside my head all day and I’ve been trying to write some lyrics to go along with it.” He explained.

“Can I see?” I wondered.

“I usually don’t let people see any of my work until it’s officially done.” He said, playing with the edges of the notebook like he was thinking about giving it to me.

“But?” I egged on, noticing the mood he was in was one of the better ones this week.

“But for you, I’ll make an exception,” He sighed, moving to place it in my hand but then quickly pulling it back. “And you have to swear that you’re not going to tell anyone or leak it on the internet or—.”

“Penner, I swear,” I placed my hand on his arm and looked him in the eye. “Besides, who am I going to tell?” I shrugged, flirtatiously smiling at him.

“I can list off a few names.” He mumbled underneath his breath.

“I won’t I swear on my life,” I persisted, shaking his arm that I had a hold on. “Just let me see.”

The expression on his face was unclear. It was obvious that he was uncomfortable letting me see his work, but there was also something contradicting that thought. Something that I couldn’t point out. “You can see a little and that’s it.” He passed me the notebook and I read the words on the page.

_Now that I know_

_I’m finally breathing_

_I can take this moment_

_And stop hallucinating_

_Because there’s nothing else_

_That matters but you_

“Wow,” I breathed, re-reading the words over and over again, trying to memorize them so I could keep them forever. “That’s really good.”

“You think so?” He asked, smiling as redness appeared on his cheeks.

“Absolutely,” I nodded, giving his notebook back. For a few minutes I just watched as he tapped his fingers on the table and mumbled words to himself, but then I remember what it was I’ve been meaning to tell him. “Hey, do you have a second?” I asked.

“Yeah, hold on.” He muttered, scribbling down lyrics onto a piece of paper along with a few music notes. “What’s going on?” He questioned, looking up at me with his full attention.

“Do you remember yesterday when I said I was going to tell you something?” I started off with, wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans.

“Umm I think I do, why?” He wondered.

“I went to pick up Trey from practice, right?” I continued, adding a few unnecessary details to the story.

“That’s where you said you went.” He muttered, jotting something down then looking back at me.

“Well,” I began, clearing my throat. “I wasn’t for sure about this when I first thought about it, but when Trey and I were talking, it became clear to me that they all need me.” I tried to get my thoughts out in one breath, but at the end of my sentence I ended up choking on my words.

He tilted his head to one side while giving me a confusing look. “It’s obvious they need you.”

“Penner,” I licked my lips and closed my eyes as my heart began beating faster and faster. “What I’m trying to say is that I’m going home. Tonight.” In my head I thought it would be a good idea to just tell him as fast as I could and maybe he would mix some of the words up or something. But by the look on his face that obviously wasn’t the case.

“Oh.” He gulped, avoiding eye contact. There was hurt written all over his face, but after he slightly coughed there seemed to be a glimmer of light in his eyes and he tried giving me a soft smile.

“It won’t be as bad as it sounds.” I said, trying to give him a bit of comfort.

“Izzy, I’m really happy for you.” He smiled, biting his lips as he proceeded to write more things down in his notebook.

“You don’t look happy.” I mumbled, seeing behind his fake smile.

“No, I’m just gunna miss having you in the house is all.” He continued to grin down at his music, this time patting my hand but still avoiding eye contact.

“Penner will you look at me?” I asked, leaning down so I can try and get his attention. Even though I knew I’d hurt his feelings in one way or another, he was starting to annoy me because he was avoiding the whole conversation we were having.

“Isaac, I’m fine,” He said flatly, looking me in the eye for the very first time. “I’m happy that you’re talking to your family again, I’m happy that you’re working things out.”

“I don’t believe you!” I said a little too loudly, watching as the people around us began giving us strange looks. “It’s obvious that you’re not okay.” I muttered, lowing my voice as he rubbed his hand up and down my arm.

“I’m fine, Isaac really,” The tone of his voice had me believing what he was saying, but as always, his face had me convinced otherwise. “Okay?” He gathered up the papers and stuffed them in his book bag. He got up without another word and went to wait in line for food.

That was the last time I saw Penner that day. He texted me once after school, saying that he had something important he needed to do, but I didn’t ask any questions. I ended up walking back to his house after school to gather up my things from when I ran away and throw them in my car. I debated for about ten minutes whether or not I was going to stay and wait for Penner to return home so I could see him before I went home, but then I knew I would be a complete mess so I quickly left without looking back.

I thought about showing up at my front door and they would let me just come walking back into the house without any kind of explanation, and for some reason I thought bringing home dinner would be the answer. I found myself in the diner ordering food for the whole family, and doing my best to avoid Morgan or anyone else I knew. But as usual, that didn’t turn out as planned.

“Isaac Baldwin,” A familiar voice said from behind me. “Long time no see.”

I turned around from the large menu on the wall to see Penner’s sister, Rebekah walking up to me. She threw her arms around me gently. “Hey, how have you been?” I wondered.

“Oh, just around and about,” She nodded. “How are things with Penner?”

“Umm, things are, well, interesting to say the least,” I cleared my throat, trying to choose my words carefully.

“What do you mean?” She asked, folding her arms across her chest.

“Well, I think he’s just going through something,” I shrugged.

“Oh, really?” She asked, genuinely surprised.

“Why do you sound so shocked?” I wondered.

“I just thought that if he was having problems he would’ve told me about it,” She explained, hanging her head. “I mean we haven’t talked in days.”

“Wait, he hasn’t said anything to you?”

“Nope,” She said, shaking her head back and forth. “I haven’t seen him since he got back from New York.” So Penner was actually going through something. All those times he told me that he was meeting Rebekah or he was spending time with Rebekah he was lying to my face.

“Oh, yeah,” I nodded. “That’s kinda weird.”

“Hey, I gotta go, Zach’s here,” She patted me on the arm. “It was nice catching up with you.” She smiled, walking over to Mr. Reed who was standing at the front door.

“Yeah, you too.” I grinned, several thoughts running through my head. Why would Penner lie to me about talking with his sister? Was he doing something behind my back that he knew I wouldn’t agree with? Isn’t that the only explanation to why anyone lies in the first place?

With all the thoughts running through my head about what Penner could be hiding from me, I nearly forgot what the reason was for me to be standing in a restaurant. I quickly ordered the only thing that I know everyone likes and went on my way.

As I pulled into the driveway, all of the memories from the fights with my parents came to mind. All of the yelling the threatening that happened days ago became fresh in my mind. I couldn’t see anyone through the large window in the front of the house and was thinking about turning around and going straight back to Penner. For some reason that’s the part that made me feel the worst about coming home. Penner was so sweet and caring enough to let me into his home without warning and now I was leaving the same way.

I also began thinking about Trey and Katherine, and how they felt after I left. I already knew how Trey was feeling, and that was the real reason I was coming home. I sighed to myself, turned off my car, and made my way inside with dinner. Naturally, the person first person I see is Nixon who is sitting on the couch with an Xbox controller in his hands.

“Well look what the cat dragged in.” Nixon said, pausing his video game to glare at me. I tried to think of a good comeback just to make even more irritated that I’d returned home, the disgust was written all over his face.

“I picked up dinner,” I settled, not offending him in any way. “Cheeseburgers and fries.”

He glanced down at the bag in my hand and then turned back to his game. “Nah, I'm good.”

“Eat anyway, I wanna talk,” I began, setting the food on the counter in the kitchen. After a few minutes of silence, I saw a figure move up the stairs. “Hey, you! Come and sit down.” At first I thought he was going to ignore me like usual and I’d just be wasting my breath, but then he came back and sat at the table like I told him.

“I have better things I could be doing so make it quick.” He said, slouching in the chair. I set a plate of fries and a burger in front of him and began shoving my own fries in my mouth.

“You know back in Nebraska, freshman year, I could eat my weight in fries, with extra cheese sauce. It was my munchie food whenever I got drunk.” I explained, dripping at least three fries into ketchup and then shoving them in my mouth.

“I remember that.” My brother nodded, still not touching his food.

“And the key word was got, past tense,” I started. “But, yeah I loved it. It was nice to get a little distraction from life or reality, and it worked for a while, but it never lasts though.”

“Well if it doesn’t last I’m gunna go enjoy it will I can.” He muttered, getting up from his place at the table and leaving the plate of food sitting untouched.

All night I wondered where my parents had gone. I didn’t see Trey or Katherine either and I didn’t want to ask Nixon where they went, so I just went up to my room like I normally would’ve. I scanned the room to see if anything had been moved or taken since I left and if I bet money on it, everything was searched through. My parents were probably looking for alcohol so it would explain why I reacted the way I did. I haven’t thought about having a drink in what seemed like the longest time, probably because I didn’t have a big enough reason to return to that.

As I lay in my bed, thinking about my life like everyone does in the middle of the night, I heard what sounded like voices and loud laughter coming from outside my window. I threw the covers off my body and peeked down into the yard to see two girls and a boy who looked awfully like my brother. “Nixon?” I mumbled to myself. I ran down the stairs and though the side door of the garage to see the girls already part of the way down the street. “Nixon, where were you?” I asked, stopping him before he could walk away.

“Are you going to tell me more stories about all the times you would get wasted?” He started, his eyes extremely red and droopy. “Look, Isaac I get it, you were cool once so that’s—that’s cool.”

As he reached for the doorknob, I had some reaction to reach down and grab a handful of pebbles that lay around the bushes in front of the house and throw them one by one at his back.

“Why—why did you do that?” He stuttered.

“You know I went easy on you all day because I was trying to talk some sense into you,” My voice was probably a little too loud for the time of the night. “Did you know that Mr. Burkes lectured to me about how you’ve been skipping class, but you know if you don’t stop you’re grounded.” I threatened, getting some stress off my chest.

“Parental authority, I like it,” Nixon smirked, giving me a thumbs up. “Sleep tight.”

 


	5. Friday, Oct. 5th: But I Guess I Fooled Myself

(Isaac’s P.O.V)

Just as I thought, I’d gotten no sleep last night. I had constant thoughts and scenarios of what Nixon was possibly doing last night. Obviously I considered—well, knew for a fact that he was either drinking or doing drugs by the way he slurred his words and his eyes were red and droopy.

And on top of that I still couldn’t get my mind off of Penner. I could still see his face as I told him flat out I was going home. I don’t know what I would do it I found out he hated me or something like that. I haven’t heard a word from him since yesterday at school and I was practically praying that he would be there so we could at least talk about it.

It didn’t take me a long time to shower and change, but the only thing going through my mind was a deliberation on how I was going to walk in for breakfast. I was expecting to go in smoothly and just be like, “Hey, I’m back!” but that’s not how it went at all.

Just as usual, my Dad’s car wasn’t in the driveway and I was thankful for that because my Mom was “more forgiving” than anyone in the family. I opened the front door, trying to not make a sound. I wasn’t surprised to see Trey laying on his stomach as he watched the morning cartoons, and the movement coming from the kitchen into the living room caught my attention.

“Isaac,” My mother gasped, stopping to look at me. She couldn’t take her eyes off of me, I mean she was looking at me like I was abducted as I child and she finally found me after six years when it was just a few days. “Oh, my boy.” She smiled, tears coming to her eyes.

To be honest, I was expecting a completely different reaction, something along the lines of yelling at me, telling me how stupid I was for leaving, and maybe a slap to the face just because I worried her. My brother hopped up from the spot on the floor and bolted over to me, latching his arms around my waist and screaming, “Izzy!”

I didn’t take my eyes off my mother who stood frozen in the entryway. “Trey, come and eat your breakfast.” She ordered, pointing to the kitchen table.

I could tell he pouted all the way to his seat by the way he walked, shoulders hunched forward with his head down. There was undeniable awkward tension between me and my Mom, and I didn’t know what to say. She approached me, looking me dead in the eye like she was prepared to lecture me.

“Mom, I—.” I started, but got cut off when she wrapped me tight in her arms.

“Isaac Daniel, I’ve been worried sick,” She growled. “I had no idea where you were, I mean you could’ve been dead for all we knew.”

“It’s only been a few days, Mom,” I rolled my eyes at her extreme exaggeration. “I’m fine.” I mumbled.

“Don’t ever do that again.”

“Don’t you know why I did it in the first place?”

“We don’t need to talk about that now,” She said, leading me into the kitchen. “Right now, we can just sit and eat breakfast like we used to.”

In front of me was just a box of plain cereal, something I’d forgotten about after staying with Penner and eating his breakfast. I felt my chest drop as I sat down in the chair next to trey who kept scooting his seat closer and closer to me.

“Where’s Nixon?” I asked, wondering if he’d already left for school.

“He should be down any minute,” She reached across my brother and poured him some juice. “Katherine will be so happy to see you.” She beamed.

At my Mom’s last words, there were thumps coming down the stairs. All of our attention shifted to the noise and Nixon appeared with my sister I his arms.

“She still can’t get her shoes tied—,” Nixon stopped, noticing me at the table. He took a glance at Mom and then back at me before clearing his throat. “Well, I’m glad I didn’t miss the Brady Bunch family reunion.”

Katherine finally laid her eyes on me and I could tell she was excited by the way she was flailing her arms and kicking at my brother to put her down. Since she was deaf, nothing came out of her mouth besides groans and whines as she waddled towards me with her arms extended out. I stood up out of my chair and leaned down to pick her up, causing her to scream with a smile on her face.

She immediately clung onto my neck and squealed into my ear, most likely trying to talk. She seemed to do that whenever she was overwhelmed because she would have too much on her mind to think about signing to communicate. I rubbed her back gently and as I tried to pull her off of me, she just latched on tighter.

“Can someone get her off of me?” I laughed, feeling my Mom taking her from me. My sister started squealing and hollering again as she was being strapped into her highchair. She slammed her hands on the tray in front of her to get someone’s attention.

I kneeled down at eyelevel and grabbed Katherine’s hands in my own to calm her down. “ **Hi**.” I smiled.

“ **Izzy**.” Her hands moved in a fast pace and I barely made out what she was trying to say. The happiness on her face was an extreme wake up call. Even though every single person in my family has done something to get under my skin, they each hold a place in my heart and I know that this where I’m supposed to be. This is where my happiness is.

I leaned in to place a kiss on her chubby cheeks. “I’ve gotta go to school.” I muttered to my Mom, grabbing my back pack. I felt a pull on my jacket and flipped around to see what it was, but it just turned out to be my youngest brother.

“Izzy, will you be at basketball tonight?” He wondered, looking up at me from his chair.

“Umm, I don’t see why not,” I shrugged, ruffling his hair. “I really gotta go. Nixon are you coming with me?” I asked. He glanced down at the floor, then at my Mom, and then back at me.

“I suppose.” He nodded. He left the room to retrieve his book bag, then proceeded to follow me to my car. We sat in silence all the way to school.

(Penner’s P.O.V)

I would be lying if I said that things between me and Isaac weren’t a little weird. I mean we weren’t avoiding each other, it was just one awkward conversation after the next. I knew that he was feeling bad about telling me he was going back home, and I didn’t understand why. I finally built up the courage after a few hours after returning home from school to go and talk to him about what’s been going on.

At first when I pulled into his driveway, I wasn’t for sure if Isaac was home or not, but I didn’t contemplate showing up just to back out now. As I approached the house, I wasn’t quite sure if I was supposed to go to go to his room first or just go ahead and knock on the front door. When I turned to step on the porch, I noticed Simba the cat peeking out the window then dashed away when he saw I was looking at him. I smiled to myself and cleared my throat before I knocked on the door four times.

“Penner.” Isaac’s mother said, opening the door.

“Hi,” I smiled, trying not to seem nervous. “Umm is Isaac home?” I wondered.

“He’s at Trey’s basketball practice,” She said, crossing her arms over her chest. “They won’t be back for another hour or so.”

“Oh alright,” I nodded, licking my lips. “Uh can you tell him I stopped by?” I asked.

“Actually, I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” She moved out of the way of the door, gesturing with one hand. “Please come in.” I was beginning to think this was some sort of prank or trick so I could get lectured about letting Isaac stay with me, but I stepped over the threshold anyway.

“Thank you.” I muttered, spotting Isaac’s sister, Katherine, standing behind Mrs. Baldwin.

“Can I get you something to drink?” She asked. I followed her into the kitchen, noticing Katherine’s eyes on me the whole time. She gestured for me to take a seat at the table.

“I’m fine, but thank you.”

She took a seat across from me and signed something to her daughter, something I obviously didn’t understand. She made the same sign more than once and Katherine waddled her way out of the room and up to stairs. “I first wanted to start off by thanking you.”

“Thanking me for what?” I wondered, raising an eyebrow.

“For providing shelter for Isaac during his breakdown,” She reached into a bag of pretzels that were sitting on the table and grabbed out a few. “Once I realized where he was, I was relieved to know that he wasn’t sleeping in his car on the side of the road.” She joked.

“It wasn’t exactly a planned situation, but I knew he would do the same thing for me if the roles were reversed.” I explained, trying to give her my side of the problem.

“The other thing I wanted to do was apologize for misjudging you,” I had to pause for a second because I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She was apologizing to me for her actions and feelings toward me. “I can see how much of an impact you have on my son. I haven’t seen him this happy in a long time.” Her expression lightened as her eyes adverted to the side, thinking of a memory.

“That’s my intention is to make him happy.” I reassured.

“And now that I see your intentions are good, I want you to read something.” She picked a journal up off the table and flipped through the pages until she landed on a certain one, pushing it across the table to set it in front of me. I wrinkled my eyebrows together and she encouraged me to pick it up.

I held the journal in my hands and began reading the written words.

_I thought it would only be once. I thought I’d stop once I figured out what the big deal was about. I remember when I saw Emmett drinking for the first time with a smile on his face. I wondered what was so good about it that made him so happy._

“This is Isaac’s journal,” I tossed the book down on the table, looking Mrs. Baldwin in shock. “I can’t read this, this isn’t right.”

“Please just read.” She shoved the journal back in my hands, practically forcing me to do something I knew was wrong.

_I thought about how sad I am and how long it’s been since I’ve felt honestly happy. So I gave in to peer pressure and took a drink for myself. It burned. It burned more than the loneliness hurts at first, but then after a while I saw the blackness and it was so bright and spectacular and it reminded me that I’m young and free and I’ve never felt so alive._

_It continued for months and I thought I was making the right decision that the drink is my only friend if none of the others have noticed, not even the one who says he’s my best friend for life. But if I’m being honest with myself, I know there’s no one else at fault._

_Gradually, it becomes more often and it no longer burns when it goes down my throat because I’ve been here time and time again and now I just feel the blackness that covers over my eyes. Little by little, the black becomes the only thing I live for, the only thing I stay alive for because I think I’ve never seen a color so exciting in my life and I’m scared to lose the greatness in death. But each time I drink, I go longer to see a more extreme color and the dizzier I feel, the brighter it is._

“I can’t read anymore,” I said once again, shaking my head back and forth. “I shouldn’t be doing this, this is his private—.”

“I’m giving you permission,” She said, cutting me off. “You need to know how much you’ve helped him.”

“But this doesn’t say anything about me.” My eyebrows creased together in confusion.

“That was written when he was 15 years old,” She took the journal out of my hands and flipped through the pages again, handing it back to me. The handwriting this time wasn’t as childish as before, but it hadn’t changed that much either. “I want you to read what he wrote two weeks ago.” She muttered. I looked back down at the page and began to read.

_I’m scared, too scared to tell anyone, too scared to ask for help, too scared to do anything but turn back to the bottle that offers me that tiny bit of comfort. But then his blue eyes flash at me, and the world still seems black. He told me to look at him, and then I can’t focus on anything but how blue everything is._

Once I finished the sentence there wasn’t any other words left to read. I didn’t quite understand what Isaac was trying to say, but then his mother helped me understand. When I took my eyes off the page and looked at her, there was a large grin on her face.

“You saved him,” She said, casually throwing another pretzel in her mouth. “You stopped him from relapsing.”

(Isaac’s P.O.V)

Dinner was just about ready for when Trey and I walked through the front door. There was also something waiting for me on the couch in the living room. Penner Watson sat leisurely on the sofa with my sister on his lap, bouncing her on his legs.

“Penner?” I gasped, stepping back to observe the situation.

“Hey, there you are,” He smiled, standing up and placing Katherine on the floor. I weaved through the toys that were scattered on the floor, but tripped on the edge of a plastic truck and began to fall. Thankfully, I was in arm’s length of Penner and he grabbed me by my shoulders before I hit the ground. “You alright?” He laughed.

“Yeah, yeah,” I nodded. “It’s just these stupid toys.” I grinned, kicking at the truck. I could still see the laugh that was on his face, but there were no words exchanged between us. After a few moments of silence, I cleared my throat once I realized that my family was still in the room.

“Penner, would you like to stay for dinner?” My Mom smiled, looking directly at him.

“I would love to,” He said, glancing at me. “I mean, if that’s not too much trouble.”

“Of course not, I’ll go get an extra place set for you at the table,” My Mom said, taking Katherine by the hand. “Trey, go and wash your hands, please.” My brother huffed, running out of the room and up the stairs, leaving Penner and I alone in the living room.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, finally taking him into my arms. He let out a sigh of relief once his arms rested around my waist.

“I came to see you, but your Mom said you were out,” He mumbled, pulling me down onto the couch. “Then your sister came over to me and I guess I just lost track of time.”

“You came to see me?” I muttered, biting on my lip.

“Yeah, I wanted to make sure you were okay because I felt things were a little weird at school between us and I thought—,” My heart swelled at his words, and to stop him from rambling I placed my lips gently on his, catching him off guard. When I pulled back his eyes were wide and almost stunned. “What was that for?” He breathed.

“I thought you were mad about last night.”

“Isaac, really it wasn’t that big of a deal,” He laughed. “I’ll admit I was caught off guard when you told me, but in all honesty I couldn’t be happier that you are back with your family.” He reached a hand up to brush at my hair. I noticed his eyes flickered down at my lips and out of bravery I reconnected our lips again, but was interrupted when someone cleared their throat behind us.

“We can eat if you’d like to join us.” My Mom said, rolling her eyes. I blushed slightly, and led Penner into the kitchen. Nixon was sitting at the very end of the table, leaving a spot for my youngest brother next to him. My Mom sat in between Trey and Kitty while I planted myself next to my sister, leaving Penner to sit next to Nixon.

“Trey, did you wash your hands?” My mother asked when Trey trotted to the table.

“Yes, Mom.” He mumbled. Everyone helped themselves to the spaghetti sitting in front of us, and it was awkward because no one had anything to say. I figured Katherine and Trey were still a little confused as to why there was a man sitting in the spot where our Dad usually sits, but wondering why he wasn’t home for dinner is beside the point.

“Everything tastes great, Mrs. Baldwin.” Penner said, taking a sip of his water.

“You know I don't mind,” She set her fork down and began signing so my sister would understand. “ **So what’ve you all been up to**?”

“Nothing.” I quickly said. None of my other siblings felt like adding any commentary, they just gave my Mom a bunch of shrugs. I saw Nixon raise his eyebrows and a hint of light came to his eyes.

“I’ve been hanging out with this guy Johnny Shadows.” He said, leaning up in his chair as if he was proud of the things he was saying.

“Huh?” I coughed, choking on a noddle.

“That sounds interesting.” Penner said, looking at me then at my brother.

“Who's that?” My mother wondered, and frankly I was wondering the same thing.

“He writes poems on the bathroom walls at school,” He began, mischief growing in his eyes. “Sometimes I help when I’m late to class because Trey's on a sugar rush in the mornings or Isaac's on the phone talking dirty with Penner or Katherine’s crying because we forgot to feed her again.” He smiled, stringing out lie after lie. I never once talked dirty to Penner over the phone!

“Nixon.” I growled, glancing at Penner’s blank expression.

“What?” He shrugged.

“Nixon, please don’t joke around.” My Mom said.

“It's not funny.” I muttered, shaking my head back and forth. From the living room I heard the front door open and close, noticing my Dad weaving around the toy truck I kicked earlier.

“I thought it was funny.” Nixon added.

“David, what on earth are you doing here,” My mother gasped when my Dad walked into the room, setting his keys on the counter. “I thought you were in a meeting?”

“I was, but there was a disturbance at the daycare and they needed the Sherriff right away.” He explained, loosening the tie around his neck.

“The daycare?” Penner breathed, catching the attention of my father. His expression grew hard as his gaze completely ignored my presence.

“I don’t think you’re welcome here son.” He said.

“Dad enough.” I mumbled, drawing attention to myself.

“Isaac,” He cleared his throat, unsure of what to say next. “This is very unexpected.”

“David, listen,” My Mom cut in. “I invited Penner to stay for dinner. If you would just sit down and eat with us I will explain everything later.” She offered, getting out of her chair to get another plate for him.

Penner leaned over towards me, putting his hand on my thigh and whispering in my ear. “Can I talk to you? Privately?”

He moved his head back and I looked at the serious look on his face. “We’ll be right back,” I said, tapping on Penner’s hand so he would follow me out of the room. “Are you alright?” I asked.

“Your Dad said something happened at the daycare.” He whispered, his eyes wide.

“It’s okay I doubt any kids were there.” I reassured, rubbing on his arm.

“But what about Rebekah?” He asked rhetorically.

“Do you think she was there?” I wondered, watching his expression. He looked down at the floor with his bottom lip between his teeth, showing signs of anxiety. “We’ve gotta get down there.” I mumbled, going to grab my keys.

“I’ll go,” He said, stopping me in my tracks. “Tell your parents I’m sorry.”

“Are you crazy, I’m going with you,” I disagreed with his lone wolf strategy and bolted into the kitchen. “We need to go find Rebekah and see if she’s okay.” I announced, not waiting for a response from my parents. Penner was already waiting in my car when I got out there and I immediately took off down the road.

“Isaac go faster.” Penner mumbled.

“Do you want me to get pulled over?”

“You’re not gunna get pulled over, every cop is at the disturbance.”

“Do you wanna drive?” I wondered, not wanting an answer.

“Please just—.” He stopped, his voice becoming very soft as if he was feeling vulnerable.

The closer and closer we got to Camden Care, the brighter the lights from the cop cars got. We were able to see them through the trees and we had to park three blocks away because of all the people standing in the street trying to get a glimpse of what was happening.

Penner was pushing his way through the crowd of people and I was following closely behind, grabbing onto the back of his shirt so we wouldn’t get separated.

“Son, you have to stay back.” A police officer said, holding Penner back by his shoulders. We’d just gotten to the front of the group and there was nothing holding the crowd back except for that one cop.

“My sister is in there,” He argued, trying to move past the cop.

“Sir, we have not cleared the situation and we do not have—.” The officer was cut off when a voice over his radio began talking.

“Standby for departure.” The voice said.

“What does that mean?” I mumbled just so Penner could hear me. He didn’t try to fight to cop anymore, but I could tell he was getting impatient as we waited for something to happen. My grip on his shirt tightened when the doors of Camden Care opened and a man in handcuffs was being escorted out. My arm jerked out of nowhere when Penner moved through the crowd to get a closer look at the man.

“Oh my God.” He breathed, stopping abruptly.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, latching onto his arm.

“That’s Ian Michaels,” He growled. Ian seemed familiar, like I’d seen him somewhere before, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Once the police had him secure in their car, three people came out of the building with blankets around their shoulders. As more cops began containing the crowd, the police officer that was holding the crowd back stepped in front of me and blocked my vision. “Rebekah!” Penner yelled, taking off past the cop.

When I tried to follow after him, I was held back by two officers who pushed me back with the rest of the people. My eyes fell on Penner as he latched onto his sister, holding onto her tight. I let out a sigh of relief when it was obvious that she wasn’t injured, but shaken up a bit. Penner was trying to find me through the crowd and when we made eye contact there was a wave of relief on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's another chapter for ya! Oh and btw the BOLD words mean that they're signing because I have a deaf character and that's how you can tell what's what okay!


	6. Saturday, Oct. 6th: Here Comes The Rest of Our Lives

(Morgan’s P.O.V)

I found myself pouring a cup of coffee after I didn’t even get a wink of sleep knowing that Harper was in the house. She’s always been the one to act shady, but something about this time around was different and I couldn’t find a reason why.

I had to work the morning shift at the diner while my mom takes Grayson to the dentist and Jai was going to give me a ride. My dad was supposed to take him, but ever since my parents separated my brother hasn’t said a word to him. I knew Jai showed up once there were several knocks on the door.

“Who’s that?” My sister said. I quickly turned to see her sitting at the kitchen table with her feet up on the chair next to her. I was starting to wonder how it was possible for her to get around so quietly without being heard.

“It’s Jai.” I mumbled, going over to the door and letting him inside. He followed me back into the kitchen where I saw my sister making a gagging face at his presence.

“Hi Harper.” He said, obviously fake smiling at her. She grabbed her water bottle off of the table and left the room, not saying anything to anyone.

“Well I’m going to be late, so let’s get going.” I grabbed my phone and my bag off of the couch before pushing Jai out the door. Since summer was officially over, it was starting to get colder and colder each day and Jai was cranking up the heat in his car as he took me to work.

“So I was thinking that we should hang out tonight,” Jai said as we passed by Camden Care. On the late night news, they said there was some kind of break-in that happened here last night, but I hadn’t heard anything specific about it. “You know after you get off work.”

“We can watch a movie at my place.” I offered.

“With your sister?” Jai mumbled, obviously not interested in my option.

“You know you don’t really help the situation,” I said, honestly. Since Harper never got along with Mrs. Barker she shoves all her hate on everyone else in the family, including Jai. “You could at least try to be nice.”

“Oh I’m sorry, it’s hard for me to show sympathy to people that hate me,” He joked, pulling into a parking spot when we got into the parking lot. “So, a movie tonight?” He asked again.

“Whatever you wanna do is fine with me, but I’m late and I got to go.” I smiled, trying to make him happy. I opened the door and waited for him to at least acknowledge me before I went inside.

“Okay.” He nodded, taking off back down the road once I was surrounded by the smell of freshly brewed coffee.

(Isaac’s P.O.V)

I’d woken up about ten minutes before my phone chimed from across my room. The events from last night kept my mind awake all night and I wasn’t able to get any sleep. It was after 10 AM and I was surprised that my parents hadn’t come to wake me up yet. I was sitting on my couch, catching up on _Arrow_ and I wouldn’t have known that Penner texted me if I hadn’t gotten off my butt to go check who it was.

_From Penn: Hey can you come take a walk with me? I want to explain what happened last night._

_To Penn: Yeah. When/where?_

_From Penn: I’m outside right now._

I instantly popped over to the window that looked out over the driveway and there he was, leaning his back against the passenger door of my car. His attention was directed to a car that was passing by on the street and I quickly moved back so he couldn’t see me standing there staring at him. I threw on some jeans, sneakers, and a red Nebraska cornhusker sweatshirt and ran downstairs so he wouldn’t have to wait any longer.

“Hey, what’s up?” I smiled, practically skipping over to him.

“I figured since it’s such a nice day out we should enjoy it,” He extended a hand out and I eagerly grabbed it as we took off out of driveway and down the road. “Plus I want to tell you about Rebekah.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, reaching my free hand across my body to grab his bicep in comfort. “Last night was really crazy.”

“I know,” He said, letting out a deep breath. “I just hope that your parents weren’t too mad that we ran out like that.”

“Actually when I got home they wondered how Rebekah is doing,” He nodded slightly to himself, looking at the changing leaves hanging from the tops of the trees. “What happened exactly?” I whispered.

“I guess Ian had been stalking her for a while now and things got too far out of hand,” He shrugged like it was no big deal, but clearly it was. “Rebekah said he’d stopped by the daycare once before, but this time he was really angry and came at her with a knife or something. She’s really freaked out but Zach’s with her now.” He explained, his facial expression still unreadable.

“Is she going back to work then?” I wondered.

“I don’t see why not,” He shrugged again. “The police took Ian away and I don’t see how they’ll let him anywhere near my sister.”

I nodded slowly, realizing how uncomfortable this was making him. I didn’t want to upset him, but I never heard the story of what happened and I desperately wanted to know. We walked in silence, taking in the scenery around us, but when his silence became too much I finally got to ask him something I’ve been wanting to.

“And how are you doing?” I mumbled. “You seemed pretty freaked out last night as well.” I admitted, noticing his Adams apple bob up and down as he swallowed hard.

“I’m better now,” He said, truthfully. “I stayed with Rebekah most of the night, that is until my parents showed up at her house and I immediately left.” He tried to laugh it off, but it was obvious he was trying too hard.

“Maybe you should crash with me for a couple days that way you can mend your relationship with your parents just like I did.” I joked, finally coming up to the spot of the sidewalk where the sand from the beach was flooding over the sides of the cement.

“I don’t think it’ll be that easy.” He muttered. Without warning, a loud car horn blared from behind us and pulled up alongside the street. I first I was a little freaked out because I didn’t know who it was, but when I realized it was Jai, I relaxed my shoulders and took Penner by the hand over to the window of his car.

“Hey guys.” Jai smiled. “I’m so glad I ran into you.”

“Yeah?” I said, leaning in closer so I could hear him over the waves from the ocean.

“Morgan and I were gunna hang out tonight and I was thinking that you guy could tag along,” He explained, cautiously glancing at Penner now and then. “I’m thinking nothing huge, just dinner or something like that.”

“You mean like a double date?” I wondered, raising an eyebrow while I looked at the brief look of disgust on Penner’s face.

“Umm, that’s one way of putting it.”

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” Penner chimed in.

“Look I know that there’s been a little awkwardness between you, Morgan, and me and I just think it’s important that we get over it.” Jai said, directing his comment towards Penner. I agreed with Jai completely even though if I told Penner that he would get mad at me for taking his side. Whatever happened between them all those years ago is in the past, and they need to learn to get over it if all of us ever want to be friends.

“I don’t know—.”

“I think that sounds like a great idea.” I said, interrupting Penner. It was obvious to me that he wanted to fix his friendship, but didn’t want to be the one to initiate it.

“You do?” He whispered.

“Yeah,” I nodded, smiling at Jai then back at my boyfriend. “A nice evening out with friends sounds like fun, don’t you think?” I said, rhetorically. I gave Penner one of those looks where I was saying that ‘we’re going whether you disagree or not so it doesn’t matter if you say no’ kinda looks.

“A double date it is.” He breathed, turning his eyes back to Jai.

“Okay so, we will see you tonight?” He asked for clarification.

“Okay.” Penner smiled, nodding.

“Alright, see you guys later.” Jai waved at us as he took off down the road.

Penner and I exchanged looks and continued down the sandy sidewalk together. I glanced out at the ocean, and it seemed to be grayer than usual. “You wanna know something?” Penner asked, catching my attention.

“What?”

“You always put me in situations like this.” He smiled at me.

“And what kinds of situations would that be?” I said, playing along.

“Oh, you know,” He began, throwing an arm around my waist. “Situations that I don’t want to be in or a part of always seem to have your name written all over them.” He pinched at my sides as he spoke and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You wanna know something else?” He raised his eyebrows at me to continue. “For someone who is constantly put in social situations, you would think that it wouldn’t be that big of a deal to go out with a couple of friends for a few hours.”

“That’s completely different,” He said, shaking his head back and forth. “I have to do those things, it’s my job.” He defended.

“Yes, but it’s also your job to play nice while you’re here,” I jabbed my finger in his chest, playfully giving him a stern look as I talked. “And that means going out with your friends.”

“Why do I need friends when I have you all to myself?” He wondered, biting on his lip. I squinted my eyes at him and leaned like I was going to kiss him and everything was going to plan. He was leaning in just as I was, but instead of our lips touching, I pushed my hand in his face and ran off to the beach, leaving him to stand there stunned.

(Penner’s P.O.V)

After spending our afternoon together, Isaac and I departed ways so we could go home and get ready for a spectacular evening with my best friends ever. I honestly didn’t mean a word towards the end of that sentence, but I had to convince Isaac that I was going to try to at least have some fun. About an hour before we were supposed to meet Morgan and Jai, I decided to pop in on Isaac at his house.

I approached his front door with a bouquet of flowers in my hand to lighten up the mood. I made sure before I was going to walk through the Baldwin house again that Isaac would be the only one there. He explained to me that his dad was working yet again, while his Mom took Katherine and Trey to the park. Yesterday I promised Mrs. Baldwin that I wouldn’t say a word to Isaac about reading his journal and I planned to keep it that way. I knocked three times on his door and waited patiently for a response.

I quickly looked down to see if my shoes were tied so I wouldn’t trip my way into his house. I heard the door open and my head instantly popped up.

“You got me flowers!” He smiled, taking them out of my hands.

“I figured it’s a date,” I said. “Why not do it right?” He pulled me inside by the arm and led me into the kitchen.

He filled a vase up with water to put the flowers in and set them in the center of the table. I think he noticed me staring at him because he lunged at me and wrapped his arms around me. I tightened my arms around him, but after being in each other’s arms for more than enough time we pulled back slowly.

Our gazes met and we wasted no more time connecting our lips together. His hands roamed around my body, landing on my lower back. He lifted me off the ground and placed me on top of the kitchen table, keeping our mouths together.

“You know,” He said through our lips. “It’s not too late to cancel.” I could feel his smile against my mouth, kissing me several times again.

He moved his body so it fit nicely in between my legs. I liked the feeling of him close to me like this. “Why would we do that?” I wondered, tugging him so our chests were touching.

“I don’t know.” He mumbled, our lips still going at it.

I opened up my eyes, finding his hands so I could get control. “We’re gunna go out and spend some time together with our dearest friends,” I sneered, causing him to roll his eyes. “Listen, can I let you in on a secret?”

“Hmm, story time.” He joked, stepping back to out more space between us.

“When I first came back to Camden, it was just to see Rebekah,” I began. “But you and I got into town on the same day.” I admitted.

“What are you talking about?” He asked, standing up straighter.

“I saw you siting at the Augusta Airport with Katheirne in your lap and I just hoped that by chance I would see you again—.”

“Should I be worried?” He wondered, scrunching his eyebrows together.

“No, no relax,” I laughed. “I’m just saying I couldn’t take my eyes off of you from the moment I first saw you.” I couldn’t help but run my eyes over his body, holding our gaze once our eyes met.

“So you’re saying that you stayed in town because of me?” His eyes glanced to the floor, turning his head so he looked out to the backyard. I noticed his actions and I jumped up from the table to catch the blush on his face. I set my hands around his neck, pulling his face so I could look him in the eye.

“I decided to stay here so I could get to know you,” I began. “So I could do things like this.”

“Things like what?” He whispered, setting his hands on my waist.

“Things like bringing my boyfriend flowers, taking him out on date, and trying my absolute hardest to be normal.” I explained, connecting our lips to continue where we left off.

With Isaac in my arms I began thinking back to what Mrs. Baldwin said. “You stopped him from relapsing.” The thought kept ringing through my head and I couldn’t help but smile. I gave him hope and happiness that he once thought he didn’t have. There was no greater feeling then giving my boy his life back.

(Isaac’s P.O.V)

Penner and I thought it would be a good idea if we got to the diner early that way we wouldn’t be the ones to awkwardly walk up to the table as Morgan and Jai stared at us. We sat ourselves at a table instead of a booth that way we weren’t all closed in together with just one way out.

Wes Hughes, my worst Spanish partner ever, walked through the door and I tried my hardest not to draw attention to myself. Ever since the run in I had with him at school, getting shoved against the lockers and being called a faggot, I was trying to steer clear of him. I could see him coming over to us, but instead of stopping to say something, he just continued to walk past us to sit with Lucas a few tables back.

“What just happened?” Penner asked, leaning to whisper in my ear so no one could hear. I’d never told Penner what happened with Wes, he only knew that I was upset that day. If Penner would’ve asked about it on another day I would’ve said something, but it was never brought up again.

“Nothing.” I said.

“So you just cringe in fear every time an athlete walks by you?" He mumbled, turning to look at Wes. I bit the inside of my lip and picked at the paper on the straw, trying to get my mind off of it. "Isaac, tell me." He ripped the straw from my hand and shifted in the seat to face me directly.

"If I tell you, you have to promise to let it go." I said, looking him in the eye. He glanced one more time back at Wes before sighing and nodding his head.

"I swear." I leaned in so Penner was the only one who could hear what I was about to say.

"You remember that day at school where I was really upset?" I asked.

"Umm you'll have to be more specific." He said.

“It was after you brought up Elena the first time, you know we’d just go into a fight about it.”

“Oh, yeah,” His eyes lit up once he realized. “When we talked on the beach.”

“Anyway,” I nodded. “We were sorta avoiding each other and in the hall at school a couple days later—.”

“Oh, the day you were upset?” He interrupted.

“Yeah it was—it was,” I stuttered, trying to find the right words. “Penner, I don’t even know what to say.” I admitted, shaking my head back and forth.

“You don’t need to make a story out of it,” He said. “Just tell me straight up what happened.”

I took in a deep breath and went for it, giving Penner what he wanted. “Wes wasn’t always the nicest to me.” I whispered.

By the expression on his face he was waiting for me to add something else, but when I didn’t I assumed that he put the pieces together for himself.

“You mean like,” He paused, looking at Wes with squinted eyes. “Like he bullied you?”

I pulled my top lip into my mouth and looked down, nodding silently. When I stopped the movement of my head he pushed his chair away from the table so he could stand up.

“Penner don’t!” I shouted, grabbing on his sleeve to pull him back down to his seat.

“You can’t expect me not to do something.” He growled, sitting down with anger in his eyes.

“It wasn’t anything,” I began, taking his hand in my own so he could look at me instead of behind me. “It was just a little pushing and some name calling and—.”

“And I’m gunna tear his face off.” He blurted.

“And you promised to let it go remember?” I smiled, trying to get his temper down. He opened his mouth to say something else, but made eye contact with me and sucked in a deep breath instead.

“I just can’t stand the idea of anyone hurting you.” He grumbled, shifting his eyes down to his lap to fiddle with his fingers nervously.

I gave him a soft smile and wrapped my arm around his shoulder, running my fingers along his cheek. He turned his head to face me and we just took in each other’s faces for a few minutes. My eyes glanced down at his lips and back up again, but when I saw his eyes were glued to my mouth, I attached our lips together in a blink of an eye.

Immediately a grin appeared on his face, making it hard to keep our mouths together. I pulled back and pecked his cheek, brushing his hair away from his face.

“You worry too much about me,” I whispered. “But I want you to know that I’m fine.”

“Isaac, you don’t understand.” He said, hanging his head.

“Then help me understand.” I insisted, turning to make sure Morgan and Jai weren’t walking up to the table. He starched at his eyebrows and looked up at me.

“After everything that’s happened lately with Rebekah being attacked and now you tell me what’s happened with Wes,” He paused, licking his lips. “Although I make it seem like I’m not the kinda person that takes things seriously all the time, but everything that involves you is at the top of my list of things to be concerned about and—.”

“Penner,” I laughed, placing my hand on top of his. “I know that you want to control things, but you can’t stop the people around you from making bad decisions.”

He nodded in understanding, setting his hand on the back of my neck. “I can at least try.” He leaned his head in for a kiss, pulling me in the rest of the way. We were only able to peck each other’s lips before Jai and Morgan came up to the table.

“Hey, guys.” Jai announced, pulling out a chair across from me to let Morgan sit down.

“Hi.” Penner and I said in unison.

The waiter came over to take our drink and food orders, and then the weirdness started kicking in. The beginning of dates are always strange because we just tend to glance back and forth from our date to our friends without anything to talk about. I always find myself in awkward situations, but now I have Penner by my side and he seems to make things a little more easier for the rest of us.

“So, Jai,” Penner started, clearing his throat. “How do you like working here?”

“It’s not that bad,” He said, looking at Morgan to see if her expression would change. “Morgan actually thinks this would be a good job for Harper.”

“Last I heard she was gunna work for the paper.” Penner said.

“She did for a while,” Morgan started. “Then she left town for a while, but now she’s back.”

Penner and I nodded in unison and then Penner spoke again. “How has that been, having Harper back?” He asked, sending the question toward Morgan.

“You know, same old Harper,” She shrugged, avoiding Penner’s eye contact. “I guess you could say she’s trying.”

I think everyone noticed that I wasn’t following the conversation and that the talk of people I didn’t know was showing all over my face.

“Harper is Morgan’s older sister,” Penner mumbled, leaning into me. “She was best friends with Rebekah growing up. That’s how Morgan and I first met.” He explained, a slight smile growing on his face.

“You’re kidding?” I breathed, thinking about Penner and my friends when they were kids. I wonder how it must feel to grow up knowing everyone in town before you’re even an adult. Lincoln wasn’t a huge city, but it was mostly filled with college kids and people that were too busy to start a conversation with you.

“Nope, we’ve known each other our whole lives.” He gestured towards Jai and Morgan who were talking to themselves, occasionally pointing towards the bar. I turned my head over my shoulder to see what they were looking at. All I saw at the bar was Morgan’s sister Harper, and a guy who looked as if he just graduated high school laughing it up with drinks in their hands.

“At least their having fun.” Morgan mumbled from across the table.

“Their drunk,” Jai said, adding his input. The waiter came back with our food and we began eating in silence again. “Remember when Morgan’s parents busted us here after the freshman year black light dance?” Jai laughed, focusing on Penner and Morgan.

“Oh my god yes!” Morgan chimed in. I tried to smile along with them, like I knew what they were talking about, but I don’t think I can fool myself any longer trying to act like I’ve known them for more than a month.

“Well, we were wasted and it was the first time I ever got drunk,” Penner said, genuinely smiling. “I blame Jai.” He laughed, pointing at him.

“Her parents got seated at the next booth—.” Jai started.

“Jai had me pretend that I was fainting so we could get away,” Penner interrupted, telling the story about how he remembered it. “Except that Morgan’s mom was a nurse so she jumped up to save me, and I ran, slipped on the wet floor and fell in front of everyone. I had a broken finger, a hangover for days and I was grounded from seeing the both of you for a week.”

Jai and Penner were laughing, and it was obvious that Morgan’s smile was fake. My phone continuously vibrated in my pocket, and I pulled it out to see that my mother was calling me. I excused myself from the table and went to the back door where it was more quiet.

“Mom?” I answered.

“Izzy,” She sighed. “I’ve been calling you for ages.”

“Why, what’s the matter?”

“I can’t talk about it over the phone,” She paused. “I need you to come home right away.” Her voice was very rushed and flustered, but I couldn’t detect anywhere in her voice that she was in any kind of danger.

“Umm, alright,” I nodded. “I’ll be there soon.”

I walked back over to the table and picked my jacket up from my chair. Everyone else was starting to finish their meals and Penner was eyeing me the whole time as I gathered my things in my hands.

“Is everything alright?” He asked.

“My mom just called,” I breathed. “She needs me to come home.”

“Oh.” He nodded.

“Hey, tonight was fun,” Jai said, gathering his things as well. “It’s been a long day and I’ve got to work early in the morning.”

“Yeah, me too,” Morgan added. “See you guys at school.” The both of them waved and walked out of the door without turning back.

“Sorry I’m bailing.” I apologized, walking arm and arm to my car.

“You’ll be alright won’t you?” He wondered. For some reason, I began coming up with insane situations in my head about what could possibly be wrong that my mom needs me to rush home.

“Yeah, she didn’t sound too freaked out over the phone,” I lied, trying to show a grin on my face. “It was just weird that she called me all of the sudden.” I have no idea why I lied. Maybe it was because I didn’t want him to worry anymore then he already does.

“I know,” He agreed. As I drove him back to his place, we didn’t say anything, but I pulled in front of his house just as one of his bands songs were playing on the radio. “Will you call me when you get home?”

“Of course,” I nodded. The both of us leaned in so our lips could touch for a few seconds before he pulled away and got out of the car. “Bye.” I waved, taking off down the road.

When I got to my house, I quickly took in a deep breath before stepping over the threshold into the living room. No one was sitting there, and I was starting to think that I’d been punked or something.

“Mom?” I called out.

“Out here.” She yelled back. I made my way through the kitchen and onto the deck where my mom was sitting in a patio chair with Katherine asleep in her lap and Trey sitting in his own chair with a Gameboy in his hand. When my brother realized I was standing there he instantly hopped up and grabbed at my arm.

“What’s going on?” I wondered. “Where’s dad and Nixon?”

“Your father just got a call from Sherriff Moseley,” She began, gesturing me to sit down. Trey jumped on my lap as soon and my butt hit the seat. “Nixon and a few of his friends were caught on private property using some, uh— illegal substances.”

“Is he in jail or—?” I said.

“All I know is that they’re in a holding cell,” She mumbled, raising her eyebrow. “We just have to wait until your dad gets back to tell us what’s going to happen next.”

“Okay,” I nodded, sliding my brother off my lap. “I’m going to my room.”

I couldn’t believe—well I actually could believe that my brother would be this stupid to do something like this. I just couldn’t believe he would be this stupid to do something like this and get caught. Nixon is going to be in so much trouble for this, and I almost feel sorry for him a little bit. Just a little bit.

After I took a shower and listened to some rap music for about a good two hours, I didn’t realize until it was nearing midnight that I was supposed to call Penner. I called him anyway, a part of me hoping that he wouldn’t answer so I didn’t have to explain what was going on.

“Hey,” He sighed, answering the phone. “I thought I’d never hear from you.”

“I’m home, teeth brushed, and ready for bed.” I joked, finding comfort in hearing his voice.

“Good, good,” I could hear the smile in his voice, but it quickly changed to something else. “Is everything good at your place?” He asked.

“Yeah, it will be.” I breathed, letting my head fall back against my pillow.

“What happened, you sound serious.”

“Not tonight,” I said, hoping that I didn’t make him feel like I was shutting him out. “I’ll tell you about it tomorrow okay?”

“Okay,” He agreed without hesitation. “I had a really nice time on our date tonight.”

“You’re such a liar.” I smiled, hearing his laugher through the phone.

“No, I’m serious.” He said, trying to contain himself.

“I had a really nice time, too.” I admitted, looking at the clock. “It’s late.” I muttered.

“I should go,” He whined. “I’ve gotta be up early tomorrow.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, I’m going over to Rebekah’s for a while.”

“That’s nice of you.”

“I know, I’m gunna win the brother of the year award,” He joked. “Goodnight, Izzy.” He said, gently.

“Goodnight.”

 


	7. Sunday, Oct. 7th: Sit With The Rising Sun

Sunday, October 7- Sit With The Rising Sun

(Isaac’s P.O.V)

I was exactly sure what time my dad brought Nixon home from the police station, but I knew for a fact that there would be yelling in the morning. That’s why it was so hard for me to get out a bed to go get some breakfast. Nixon is and probably will forever be in a huge amount of trouble for doing an unlimited number of illegal things at once.

Although I wasn’t surprised to find that Mom, Trey and Katherine were the only ones at the table, but it was awkward as we all ate in silence. I didn’t want to bring up what happened last night because I didn’t want to be the one to start an argument just when the day was starting. After I finished my cereal and no words were exchanged I quickly made my way back to my room until lunch rolled around.

I hadn’t heard from Penner all day, so I texted him a few times to come over after lunch, but I never got a reply back. I made my way back into the house and this time everyone, except Dad, was sitting together in the living room. Nixon and Mom were arguing about something when I sat down in the recliner. I knew it was a bad decision not to grab food first before I committed fully to participating with the conversation.

“—I’m just trying to fit in.”

“You didn’t have these problems in Lincoln,” My mom said. “What you’ve been doing, how you’ve been acting—it’s unacceptable.” Nixon rolled his eyes and slouched further into the couch, not saying a word.

“Is Dad here?” I asked, clearing the air.

“He’s at the station to figure out what exactly is going to be done,” She started. That wasn’t what I thought she was going to say. I thought she would say he was dealing with the Moseley’s divorce to at least talk about something else, not to stay on this topic. “He and your brother got home after 3 AM. They nearly woke up Trey with all the yelling in the hall.” She explained.

“It’s not a big deal.” Nixon mumbled under his breath, avoiding eye contact. I saw a thought appear on Mom’s head as it showed on her face.

“I think we need to have you talk to a therapist.” She said, placing my squirming sister on the floor.

“A therapist!” Oh great, here we go. My parents made me see a therapist when I first started having drinking problems, but they couldn’t honestly think that Nixon would go without a fight. I know I didn’t. “There’s nothing wrong with me!”

“This isn’t the first time you’ve done something irresponsible,” My mom could see that Nixon was about to open his mouth to protest even further, but she beat him to it. “You’re going and that’s that.”

“Unbelievable.” He huffed, storming the stairs up to his room.

I would assume that every parent’s worst nightmare is seeing your kid go down the wrong path, but I think they’re being extra hard on Nixon because they’ve seen me act like this. My parents obviously knew how hard it was to deal with me after I got hooked and they don’t want the same thing to happen to my brother.

Nixon, in my opinion, was being completely stupid and careless. I never got caught until I was so intoxicated that I had to be taken to the hospital by a stranger. My brother on the other hand got caught and thrown in jail for trespassing. Either his brain is fried, or he’s no longer as smart as he once was.

I also blame myself a little for how Nixon is acting. If it wasn’t for my drinking, he wouldn’t have even thought about doing something like this. Now I have a fear that Trey will be next because he’ll see the things his older brothers have done and think he can do the same. It’s all one big chain reaction and it started with me.

“There’s leftover dinner in the fridge.” Mom said, directing it towards me. I nodded silently and ruffled Trey’s hair as I passed him into the kitchen. I scarfed down a plateful of spaghetti before I tiptoed past Mom who was holding Katherine’s hands to help her dance.

In my room, I lay on my bed wondering why Penner wasn’t responding to my texts or my calls. It’d been about three hours since I sent my messages and I still haven’t heard anything back. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was out getting another tattoo to go along with his 50 other ones. How much does all of that cost? How much pain does a person go through just to have something on their skin forever?

I thought of something—well, someone that would answer all of my questions, and her name was Kat Von D. Every episode of LA Ink was on Netflix, I knew that for sure, but about halfway through the third episode I was starting to get some answers.

Each tattoo costs different based on its size. Either way, none of it is cheap. Throughout the episodes, I was trying to look at the facial expressions of the people in the chair, but they weren’t giving off any sort of discomfort. I’d imagine tattoos hurt just by what people say, that I depends on where you get it for the pain level to increase. Besides the placement, you have to take into account for the needles that jab into a person’s skin would hurt like hell.

“Are you watching L.A. Ink?” A voice asked from behind me. I immediately jumped out of my skin, shutting off the TV and turning to see who it was that snuck into my room. I don’t know why I felt like I needed to hide my curiosity of body modifications, but I had a feeling it was because of my parents and how they wouldn’t approve.

“Oh,” I sighed when I realized it was just Penner. At first I wondered why he was in my room, but I completely forgot I asked him to come over after lunch. “Umm yeah.” I nodded, scratching at my head nervously as he slouched down on the couch beside me.

“Don’t go quiet on me now.” He smiled once I picked my head up.

“Sorry,” I apologized. “I didn’t know you were coming over. I didn’t even hear you come up the stairs.”

“Well I’m glad I walked in on Kat and not Jake.” He laughed under his breath.

“Who’s Jake?” I asked, not remembering a guy named Jake from the show.

“You know, Jake Bass the gay porn star?” He hinted like the name was supposed to click in my head. “You know what, never mind. In some ways I’m glad you don’t know who that is.” He grinned, scooting closer to me.

“And you know him how?” I wondered, raising an eyebrow.

“We’ve met a couple times,” He started. “You know, gone out for drinks and stuff.”

“Oh, yeah,” I nodded. “Just doing normal stuff with a gay porn star is so typical.”

“Izzy, I’m kidding,” He said, stopping me before I could continue. “But I have met him a couple times though, that part was true.”

“Gotcha.” I said, giving him a thumbs up.

“Are you wanting a tattoo?” He asked, starting up a conversation.

“No, no I was just thinking about the ones you have and I wanted to know how it worked.” I realized after I said them, that my words sounded just a tad creepy out loud.

“Do you think about my tattoos all the time?” He flirted, leaning in closer and grabbing onto my hands that were in my lap.

“What if I did?” I mumbled, looking him in the eye. His focus was down on my lips and he closed the space between us for a brief moment, our lips touching for the first time today.

“Hmm,” He hummed, pulling his mouth off of mine. “You’re cute.”

“Shut up.” I said, pushing him off of me.

“I think you’d look badass with tattoos,” He said, biting on his lips as he crawled on top of me. “But they would take away your innocent look.”

“Exactly, so stop corrupting me.” I laughed, tapping my fingers against his cheeks.

“You’re the one who was watching L.A. Ink,” He joked, his face turning serious. “So what do you wanna know about them?”

My fingers ran over his visible tattoos that were scattered all over his arms. “Well I guess, just what they mean.” I shrugged. I pushed the sleeve of his shirt up so I could get a better look at the art on his upper arm.

“Why didn’t you just say that?” He ripped his shirt off his body and threw it over his head to leave him sitting shirtless in front of me.

His tattoos ran from one arm, over his chest, and back down his other arm. “Don’t tell me you have a random dragon on your back or something.”

“No, these all mean something, at least most them do anyway,” I could practically see his chest vibrate as he talked because of how close he was to me. “Take your pick.” He muttered, looking down at his tattoos.

I scanned my eyes over his body, trying to find one that stood out to me. I opened my mouth to say something, but stopped so I could take a look at his face. He was closer than I thought, but I knew he was comfortable with this as he ran his fingers through my hair and giving me a soft smile.

“This one.” I said, pointing to four rings of grey smoke that sit side by side on the crease of his arm.

“That’s kinda an inside joke,” He laughed, moving his right arm so I could get a better look. I raised my eyebrows hoping that he would explain more than that. “There’s four rings of smoke for each guy in the band. You know how you can smoke a blunt and that’s part of the band’s name—.”

“Penner I get it,” I said, stopping him from rambling. “That’s a really creative idea though.”

“I didn’t come up with it, Rico did,” He breathed, putting his arm back at his side. “It was the only idea I didn’t absolutely hate.”

As he talked I continued to look through all his tattoos, some huge and others small. Since they all blended together, it was hard to tell which ones were separate and which were supposed to go together. I spotted a tiny, green tinted alien spaceship on the inside of his left arm.

“Oh, what’s this one?” I wondered, poking at it with my index finger.

“I got that one when I went to Europe for the first time,” He started, smiling for a quick second. “I was like an alien over there because I’d never been out of the country before and everything was just really foreign to me.” He explained.

“No kidding,” I grinned, noticing words on the underside of his forearm. I twisted his arm, almost hurting him and I mumbled under my breath what it said. “ _Scarred with the things I have survived_.” It almost came out like a question, but I looked up at him and his expression was different. Before, his face had all kinds of curiosity, wondering which tattoo I would pick next. Now it seemed like he was distraught at the one I chose.

I dropped his arm and rested my hand against his cheek, trying to console him if he needed it. All of the sudden he lunged forward to attach his lips to mine. He caught me off guard and a part of me wanted to pull back and ask if he was alright, but the feeling of him pulling himself closer to me turned my brain off.

Without breaking away, Penner moved us from a sitting position to a laying down one. My head rested on the arm rest of my couch with Penner still on top of me, his naked chest touching my clothed one. Of course during these moments, my thoughts start to kick in. I began wondering if this is how he deals with things he doesn’t want to talk about. Does he bring up other subjects, or is he the type of person that deals with them head on?

Our lips continued to move at a pretty fast pace, but it wasn’t until we broke apart for air that I noticed a figure standing at my door.

“Oh great,” My brother gagged. “I get grounded and forced to go to therapy and you’re too busy sucking face to answer your phone.”

“What Nixon?” I breathed, using some of my energy to push Penner off of me. Penner’s face reddened slightly once he realized he was shirtless in front of my brother.

“Mom wants to see you.” He said, crossing his arms.

“Wait here.” I smiled at Penner who reached for his shirt that lay on the back of my couch.

“Yeah, good idea,” Nixon mumbled. “That way you guys can’t gross me out anymore then you already do.”

“Don’t be a dick,” I warned, following my brother from my room and into the house. “Hey mom.” I said, leaning on the back of the couch since she was on the floor with my sister. I noticed that Nixon looked over his shoulder and glared at the both of us before bolting up to his room again.

“I see that Penner’s car is outside.” She mumbled, grabbing a block and handing it to Kitty.

“Yeah,” I nodded, swallowing. “I forgot I asked him to come over earlier.”

“Is everything alright?” She wondered.

“Yeah, we’re just gunna hang out and stuff.” I explained.

“Listen, I’ll take Trey and Kitty to school tomorrow,” She started, looking up at me. “I wanted to talk to Rebekah about what happened, just to make sure she’s alright.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” I agreed, turning to walk away.

“Oh and one more thing,” She said, catching my attention. “I was hoping that you could talk to Nixon about what’s been going on.”

I scrunched my eyebrows together and shook my head back and forth at her request. “I don’t know—.”

“He won’t tell me or Dad anything and he’s always looked up to you.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” I muttered as nicely as possible. In case my mother hadn’t noticed, I’m not the therapist she was going to take Nixon to see, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to act like one either.

“Well, at least try.”

“Fine.” I sighed, making more progress towards the door.

“Tell Penner he can stay as long as he wants,” She blurted once I had my hand on the doorknob. “He just has to be gone before midnight.” I glanced over my shoulder to nod and smile before closing the door behind me.

I made it up the first couple of steps to my room before my phone vibrated in my pocket. The name flashing on the screen said _Jai Barker_ and I immediately answered it.

“Hey Jai.” I greeted.

“Isaac, what the hell did your brother do?” He growled into the phone.

“What are you talking about?” I wondered, stopping in my tracks and leaning my back against the wall.

“Last night with the cops,” He briefly explained. “Nixon got my sister and everyone else in trouble.”

“Oh, well last time I checked Hannah and Grayson were the ones pushing Nixon into all of this.” I said, defending my brother. I don’t know what Jai’s problem was, but he’s completely lost his mind if he thinks he can call me and start pointing fingers.

“Don’t try and pin this on anyone else because Hannah told me everything.”

“Well you might wanna talk to her again because she’s wrong.” I ended, hanging up the phone on him. I huffed before opening the door and chucking my phone on my bed.

“What was that all about?” Penner asked. I’d gotten all caught up with Jai’s call that I almost forgot he was still here.

“Nothing.” I made my way over to the couch where he was sitting fully clothed. I tried smiling to convince him, but he saw right through it.

“It didn’t sound like nothing.” He muttered, looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

“With everything that happened last night, Jai’s trying to say it was all Nixon’s fault.” I explained,

“Yeah you managed to leave that part out.” He smiled, laying his arm across the back of the couch.

“Sorry,” I grinned back at him, running a few fingers on his hand. I tried to form sentences in my head that would make sense of what happened last night, but instead I just started talking and things made sense on their own. “The way my dad put it was that my brother, Grayson Moseley, Hannah Barker, and Crystal Rooney were trespassing on private property with marijuana and alcohol. The cops held them in a cell for a couple of hours, but then my dad started using a lot of lawyer words and I sorta stopped listening.”

He blinked rapidly, nodding slowly as he processed what I just said. “Holy crap, that’s a lot to wrap my head around. What was Jai so mad about?” He asked.

“He was saying how Nixon was the one who got them in trouble,” I shrugged, waiting for Penner’s input on the situation once he was up to speed with everything. “I mean, I don’t trust Nixon the way I used to and he’s only been on the stuff for at least a couple weeks so his brain isn’t actually fried yet.”

“And you shouldn’t trust him like that because you’ve told me about all the crap he was doing, but if you ask me, I don’t think he’s the mastermind behind this,” He said, truthfully. Penner was right. Nixon started being friends with his posse when we got to town, and that seems like a short amount of time to go from newbie to team leader. There was no way Nixon was calling the shots about what they were going to do next. “Remember when we met and your brother was walking around drunk in the woods?” Penner laughed at the old memory.

That was the first time I noticed Nixon’s behavior start to change, and I wish that I’d done something more productive to stop it from growing worse. “Oh, don’t bring that up.” I groaned, throwing my head back to look up at the ceiling.

“Sorry, sorry,” Penner mumbled, scooting closer. “No more Nixon talk.” He smiled, using his fingers to zip his lips.

“My mom said that she’s gunna talk to Rebekah tomorrow so you might wanna warn her beforehand.” I joked, changing the subject.

“Oh, Rebekah will love that,” He said, sarcastically. “Is that all she had to say?”

“Hmm,” I hummed, noticing how he threw himself on top of me. For some reason I always thought if I was ever in a relationship that I would be the touchy-feely one, but I also never thought I’d ever meet Penner either. Just at a first glance you would think he was against that sorta thing, but in reality he’s extremely mushy and would deny it if you ever mentioned it to anyone. “She said you could stay as long as you want.”

“Did she say we could share the bed?” He muttered, leaning in closer.

I glanced my eyes down to his lips and back up at his piercing blue eyes that were staring into mine. “Don’t push your luck.” I breathed, attacking his sides with my fingers, but he pressure had no effect on his body.

“That won’t work on me,” He laughed, shaking his head back and forth. “But I know who it will work on.” His fingers immediately began squeezing at my sides, causing me to squirm in his grasp to try and get away. Once he let up I threw myself across the room to put distance between us so he couldn’t do that again.

“You better what yourself,” I warned, trying to sound intimidating. “I’ll find a weakness of yours soon enough.”

“Good luck with that.” He winked.

 

 

 


	8. Monday, Oct. 8th: It's Nice To Know You Work Alone

(Penner’s P.O.V)

I didn’t think I walked past Isaac this morning, but since he didn’t run into me and I didn’t run into him, it was strange being left to walk around school alone. I almost felt like a loner because other than Isaac, I really don’t talk to anyone else. I mean there’s Jason who obviously likes me because he’ll talk to me every second that I’m alone. And then there’s Jai and Morgan, but we don’t try to start small talk with each other.

When I saw Nixon in pass me in the hall on my way to Mr. Reed’s class, I did I double take to make sure I was seeing things correctly. For a second I thought about asking him if he knew where his brother was, but then I figured the last he wanted to do was talk to me.

I turned back around just in time to see Isaac brush past me, completely ignoring I was standing right in front of me.

“Izzy.” I called out, drawing attention from the students that were walking around. He looked in multiple directions before glancing over his shoulder back at me.

“Hey, there you are,” He smiled, weaving through the crowd to get to me. I pulled the both of us to the side of the hall where we could talk without getting run over. “I was wondering if you were at school today.”

“I was wondering the same thing about you,” I grinned, placing my hands on his elbows to draw him in closer. “I didn’t know if your parents were on Nixon Lockdown or whatever.”

“Oh, no they are,” He huffed, raising his eyebrows and nodding at the same time. “It just applies to everywhere he’s at, including stalking him at school.” He gestured down the hall to where Nixon was talking with Grayson Moseley.

“Well I know who to call if I ever need a private investigator,” I joked, noticing a slight grin appear on his face. “Listen I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my place tonight.” I said, changing the subject.

“Yeah, I’d love that.” He muttered, looking over my shoulder as he talked.

“Okay, okay great.” I said, following his eyes to see what he was looking at. His brother took something out of Grayson’s hand and looked around the hall to see if anyone noticed their exchange.

“I’ll be right back.” He growled, pure anger on his face.

“Isaac,” I breathed, following after him. I was praying to every higher power known to man that Isaac wouldn’t rip Nixon a new one, but that clearly didn’t work.

By the time Isaac pushed his brother against the wall, Grayson was long gone and I was left to guard the situation. “Great it’s Monday and you’re already buying drugs.”

“No, I’m not.” Nixon denied.

“Where is it, is it on you?” Isaac began grabbing at Nixon’s jacket pocket and started reaching for his back pack so he could search through his things. I didn’t know what to do, I mean it’s not my place to get involved because Nixon’s not my brother, but Isaac is my boyfriend and I always want to help if I can. I was just afraid that I’d cause Isaac to get even angrier if I were to do something.

“Stop, you need to chill,” Nixon shoved Isaac by his shoulders back into me. I could tell that Isaac was going to push his brother back, but I grabbed him by the waist to keep him from getting in trouble for fighting. “You’re freaking crazy.”

“If I was crazy, I would’ve ratted you out the second I knew something was up, but no,” Isaac grabbed onto my hand that held onto him and yanked it off his body. “I’ve been covering your ass from day one and I’m tired of it.”

“I don’t need this.”

It wasn’t until the students around us started to leave that I noticed Zach finally pushed his way through the crowd to see the two brothers glaring at each other. “Whoa, what’s going on here?” Without an answer, Nixon turned to walk away from the scene, leaving me and Isaac to stand alone with Mr. Reed. “Are you okay?” He asked, glancing back and forth between us.

“I’ve been better.” Isaac mumbled.

“Listen I know it’s not my place, but Nixon’s an idiot,” He said without holding back. “And I know this with certainty because I was once a ‘Nixon”, trust me they learn eventually.”

While Zach talked I focused all my attention on Isaac, whose facial expression didn’t change. “Thanks, Mr. Reed.”

“Now,” Zach started, his voice becoming more serious. “I suggest the both of you head to class.”

I nodded at his statement and turned to Isaac once more time. He grabbed onto my hand to stop me from following Mr. Reed and I quickly kissed his cheek so there was no possible way he could convince me to ditch class although that sounded like the greatest plan ever.

(Nixon’s P.O.V)

I told my mom that I had to stay after school to rewrite an English paper, but obviously that was far from the truth. Hannah wanted to meet at the Stoner Pit after school and when I got there, Grayson was sitting on the ground next to her with smoke coming out of his mouth.

At first we tried to make small talk. They told me that they heard about the confrontation in the hallway earlier and I shrugged it off because I didn’t have any interest in talking about it. I was also offered a hit, but declined when I realized there was no way I could get high at school and I didn’t feel like answering my mom’s questions. Then Hannah brought up the events of the past few nights and we all shared our punishments.

“I didn’t get home at least two hours after you guys left,” Grayson started, rolling his eyes as he talked. “My dad thought it would do me some good to be in a cell for a while.”

“That’s bogus,” Hannah snorted. “What did your parents say?” She asked, focusing her attention on me.

“Umm the usual I guess,” I shrugged. “They’re making me go talk to a therapist or something because they notice me acting different.”

“It’s not acting different if this is who you’re supposed to be.” She said, wagging her finger at me.

“And who’s that?” I asked, sliding down the wall to sit next to her.

“Someone who lives free without any regret.” I nodded silently, becoming startled when Grayson fell on his side, asleep. Hannah snickered as scooted closer to me. “So I heard it’s your birthday.”

“Who’d you hear that from?” I wondered, arching my eyebrows.

“No one important.” She said, shaking her head back and forth.

“Well whoever it was is wrong,” I started. “My birthday isn’t until next week.”

“Who cares when it is, it’s all about what we’re going to do for it,” She laughed, slapping me on the shoulder. “There’s this party a few towns over tomorrow and you should go with me.” She said in a tone that made it nonnegotiable.

“I don’t know.” I breathed.

“Hey, if you’re afraid of getting into more trouble, here’s something I learned in science class,” She turned her body to face mine. “Once you’re wet, you can’t get wetter. If you’re already in trouble then it’s not like you’ll get into more trouble.”

She did have a point there. I mean, I’m already grounded, plus I’m forced to go talk to a shrink so there’s nothing else my parents could possibly do to me to make my life even worse. “Who’s all gunna be there?” I wondered.

“The both of us,” She gestured to Grayson who was passed out on the ground. “Crystal and whoever else is cool enough to know about it.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I’m down with that.”

“I’ll tell you more at school,” She muttered. I nodded in agreement, but when the back door of the building next to us opened our eyes grew in fear. “Will you help me with him?” She asked, grabbing one of Grayson’s arms.

“Sure.” I said, helping to get him on his feet and to Hannah’s car. As I watched her drive down the street, I started walking home where I would act like a juvenile prisoner for who knows how long.

(Penner’s P.O.V)

I found myself straightening up my room before Isaac showed up. I knew he wouldn’t care if it was a little messy, but I still wanted to present myself as a put together, normal guy. He was already running at least twenty minutes late, and when I heard clatter coming from the kitchen I immediately went downstairs.

Instead of it being Isaac, who wouldn’t come into my house without knocking first, it was Rebekah. Ever since Ian invaded the daycare, she’s been staying at her place and I was glad to hear that she wanted to come over, but she didn’t know that Isaac was going to be here also.

“Hey Rebekah,” I greeted, watching as she poured wine into a glass.

“Hey,” She said, taking a gulp of her drink. I was a little confused on where my sister got the alcohol because after I learned of Isaac’s problem I threw it all out. “It feels weird not going to my place, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, it’s been a little too quiet around here,” I agreed, sitting across from her. “I hope you don’t mind, but Isaac should be here any minute.”

“It’s your house, not mine,” She said, putting her feet up on the table. “Besides, I think I can keep myself occupied for a while.” She help up the wine bottle to me, shaking it a little.

“Can you do me a favor and keep that away from Isaac while he’s here?” I pointed at the bottle hoping she wouldn’t ask any further questions. The last thing I wanted was for Isaac to see that sitting there and give him any sort of temptation.

“You can count on me.” She winked.

“Anyway,” I said, clearing my throat. “Did Mrs. Baldwin talk to you?”

“Yeah she did,” A sarcastic smile broke out on her face. “She basically wanted to know if I was mentally and emotionally stable enough to have my full attention on her kid,” She chugged down another gulp before continuing. “Of course I can’t say what I really wanted to say so I just said, I’m feeling great and have a nice day.”

“What did you want to say?” I wondered, knowing just how sarcastic my sister could be.

“Where should I start,” She mumbled, her eyes widening. “Let’s see, I know your son is dating my brother and I think that’s great, but I was recently held hostage by my psycho ex if you didn’t know and if I still need a little time to recover from that I think it wouldn’t be so bad. And just because my brother’s boyfriend is your son, doesn’t mean you get any special treatment from me or anyone else.”

“Yeah, it’s a good thing you didn’t say that,” I agreed, laughing along with her. “Listen, I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

“Shoot.”

“You’ve worked with Lewis Tulsan right?” She nodded, but gave me a look of confusion. “What do you know about him?”

“Umm nothing much really, I’ve never met him.”

“But I thought you were talking with him for Mrs. Barker?”

“We talk on the phone, we’ve never talked face to face.”

“Isn’t that a little strange to you?” I asked. This was almost on the level of psychotic, I mean from the vibe I’ve got from John and his brother it seems like this Lewis guy has them on a tight leash.

“Not really, he’s a pretty busy guy,” She explained. “Why the sudden interest with him?”

“Oh, it’s nothing.” I muttered, trying to let go of the topic.

“You know that’s how I can tell you’re lying.”

“Rebekah, honestly it’s not a big deal,” I insisted. There was several knocks on the front door, signaling that Isaac had finally showed up. “Okay, that’s Isaac.”

“Don’t mind me.” She smiled, stashing the wine.

I made my way over to the door to let him in. He stood there with his arms wrapped around his body because he wasn’t wearing a jacket. “I was starting to wonder when you’d get here.” I grinned, opening the door wider to silently invite him in.

“Sorry, I was dealing with Nixon.” He apologized, throwing his arms around my neck. My body involuntarily shivered when I felt his cold hands on the back of my neck. I rubbed my hands up and down his back to try and warm him up.

“When are you not dealing with your brother?” I muttered, rhetorically.

“I don’t know,” He sighed. “I’m just glad that I’m here with you and we can—.”

“I’m still here, ya know.” Rebekah called from the kitchen. The both of us exchanged looks, Isaac’s face red with embarrassment.

“Come on,” I muttered, tugging on his wrist as he followed closely behind me. I led him to my room and closed my door behind us, noticing how he looked around my room at the things hanging on the walls. There were a few awards on a shelf next to my bed, the VMA award standing out the most.  “I found a shirt of yours from when you stayed over.”

He crossed the room to take it from my hands and putting it up to his face. He made a comment about how the item smelled like me and then proceeded to throw it on my bed. He looked through his eyelashes at me and stuttered slightly as he said, “I-I missed you today.”

“Why?” I breathed, running my hands along his arms. “I’ve been right here.” I reassured, trying to see if his face would give away any of his inner emotions.

“It’s just that I haven’t seen you except for that one time at school and the rest of the time I’ve been having to follow Nixon around because I can’t trust him not to get into trouble,” He paused to suck in a breath. “And all that time I waste on him is time that I want to spend with you and I feel like we don’t get to be together all that much anymore—.”

“Izzy, relax.” I interrupted his rant, catching him off guard. I rested my hands on his neck, feeling a higher level of warmth on his skin. “There’s no reason to get worked up. We’re together now, right?”

A smile appeared on his face as he nodded his head. “I’m sorry. I felt like I couldn’t get enough air in unless I said what was on my mind and I know that I saw you yesterday and the day before that but I don’t think I’ve been actually thinking about the fact that you are right there because my head has been filled with orders from my parents—.”

“Isaac, you’ve gotta learn to take a breath when you talk,” I joked. I noticed as I talked that his eyes kept glancing down to my mouth. “Do you want a drink or anything?” I blurted without thinking. Nice one Penner.

“Umm, I think I’m okay for now.” He made a move towards my lips, but I finished the distance between us. At first it started out short and fast pecks, but then quickly progressed to long and slow kisses, our mouths opening now and again. When I felt that Isaac wasn’t kissing back anymore I pulled back and opened my eyes to see that his attention was on something else.

“What?” I breathed, looking at his stunned expression.

“You have the new Mario Kart.” He blurted, going over towards my stack of video games. A lot of questions ran through my mind like, why were his eyes open while we were kissing, but I brushed it off.

“Oh, don’t even say what I think you’re gunna say.” I warned.

“What was I gunna say?” He asked, raising both eyebrows.

“You were gunna say that you can totally whoop my ass and I have to stop you right there because that is where you are wrong.”

“Do you wanna challenge that?” He wondered, hanging the game to me.

“Definitely,” I accepted, putting the game in the console. “But let’s make it interesting. Each round I win, you have to take a piece of clothing off.”

“I think it would only be fair if the same rules applied to you as well.”

“Who says I play fair?” I said, squinting my eyes as I sat down on the end of my bed next to him.

After tons of flirtatious and competitive banter, plus finishing what seemed like twenty rounds, and a few bites to the neck from Isaac, we decided to see who actually won this little competition. I was left in nothing but my boxers, but when I gazed over what Isaac was wearing, he was in boxers just like me, but he still had his left sock on as well.

“Hmm, looks like I—.”

“Don’t say it.” I said, putting my hand up in his face.

“You’re such a sore loser,” He muttered under his breath, hoping I wouldn’t hear. I knew of a way to make him squirm and I used it wisely. I practically launched myself at him and pressed my hands into his sides, but didn’t stop even if he was yelling. “Okay, okay I’m sorry! Truce!”

“What was that?” I asked, dumbly, most of my body on top of him.

“Truce! Penner, stop!” I pushed myself off of him, laughing to myself. “I hate it when you do that.” He breathed, laying there to recover.

“I told you, I don’t play fair,” I said, throwing my body back so we lay next to each other, looking up at the ceiling. “And apparently neither do you.” I muttered, thinking back to the biting during the game.

“I’m honest!” He gasped.

“You only won because you distracted me.” I declared, shifting to my side so I could pinch at his skin.

“I won because you took your eyes off the prize.” He muttered, swatting at my hands.

“My eyes were always on the prize,” I whispered, my voice becoming serious. “That’s why I lost.”

“That’s so cheesy.” He said, shaking his head back and forth as he turned his head to look at me.

“Speaking of cheesy,” I got up from the bed once he reminded me of something. “You know something I haven’t done yet?

“What’s that?” He asked, sitting up.

“I just remembered that I haven’t given you your souvenir yet.”

“Hmm I almost forgot.”

I went into my closet where there was a secret safe behind all my clothes and unlocked it to pull out Isaac’s souvenir from when I was in New York at the end of last month. I held it behind my back until I stood in front of him and unveiled it for the first time.

“I know it doesn’t look like much, but just hear me out.” I handed him a clear jar and he grabbed onto it with both hands so he wouldn’t drop it. At that very moment I realized how much of a mistake this was just by the look on his face. He raised an eyebrow at me and I sighed in defeat and plopped myself down next to him. “When me and the guys went up to the Empire State Building the clouds were really low and it was foggy so I sorta put the clouds in the jar and put a bunch of nines on it so you could always be on Cloud 9 because I always like making you happy, but I waited this long to give it to you because I didn’t know if it was a good enough—.”

“I love it,” He interrupted, putting the jar in his lap and grabbing onto my neck to attach our lips together. “It’s the most thoughtful thing anyone’s ever given me. Thank you, Penn.” He whispered, pulling me into his arms and resting his head on my shoulder.

I wrapped my arms around his body, gently rubbing my hands up and down his bare back. “You’re welcome, baby.” I mumbled. The only sounds that could be heard was the sound of pots and pans coming from the kitchen. When we pulled apart, it was the first time I realized that both of us weren’t wearing any clothes.

“I should,” Isaac started, clearing his throat. “I should put a shirt on or something.” He got up from the bed, carefully placing his jar on my bed and grabbed his shirt off the ground.

“So how’s your sister?” I wondered, breaking a slight feeling of awkwardness.

“She’s great,” He responded, throwing my shirt at me. “Rebekah’s doing great with her.”

“I was actually thinking about getting to know her better.” I swallowed, hoping I didn’t cross a line after our great night together.

“Yeah?”

“I mean if that’s alright with you?” I said, throwing on my pants as well. “I’ve just gotten to know your brothers a little bit better then Katherine and I—.”

“I think that’s a great idea.” He said, surprising me for the hundredth time tonight.

“You do?”

“If Katherine loves Rebekah she’ll learn to love you too,” He explained, fixing his hair in the mirror. “At least she didn’t meet you in a cemetery like I did.” He joked, turning around and leaning his body against my dresser.

“That’s a great conversation starter though,” I laughed. “Someone will ask how we met and the honest to God answer will be in a cemetery.” I explained.

“You do have a point there,” He smiled. “I think I’ll take that drink now.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter for ya!


	9. Tuesday, Oct. 9th: Just Like A Crow Chasing A Butterfly

(Morgan’s P.O.V)

It’s only been about a month since school started and I feel like my head is going to blow up. There’s about two months until the play and on top of that, Grayson is doing his stupid stuff again and it’s not because of our parents separating even though that’s what he claims. And Harper is being Harper. It just seems like everything that has a hand in my life is spinning out of control.

Speaking of spinning out of control, Jai came strolling in and immediately came over to me. He’s been starting to slack off in school as well and I haven’t talked with him in a while about it. All he ever talks about his getting a baseball scholarship, but he doesn’t seem to realize that you have to work hard in school if you want to get into college.

“I’m surprised to see you here,” He said, catching the attention of the people around him. “Actually, I’m surprised to see you anywhere.”

“I’ve been busy.” I shrugged, filling up cups with coffee.

“Yeah,” He nodded with a smug look on his face, sitting at the bar where I was working. “So have I, but I’ve been making time so I can be with you and every time I wanna hang out you always have something going on.”

“Jai,” I said a little too harshly. “I’ve got a lot of school stuff to do, a lot of college applications to fill out—.”

“Yeah I get it.” He muttered, biting on the inside of his cheek. At first when I went to go help other customers I thought that Jai would get up and leave, but when he didn’t I went back to him and he was now holding a menu in his hands.

“Can I get you something?” I wondered when things began growing awkward.

“Do you know what bugs me?” He asked, putting the menu back in the slot.

“People taking your order?” I mumbled, sarcastically.

“Do you ever feel like if you show someone who you actually are they won't accept you?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I do.” I started to sweat a little bit. I began to wonder if he knew about me being a part of the Drama Club and was waiting for me to lie to his face about it. I tried to play it off like I had no idea what he was getting at and hopefully he bought it.

“Like being yourself isn't good enough,” I licked my lips and looked down at the floor. “That's exactly how I feel.”

“Jai.” I sighed, scrambling through my brain to try and think of something to say.

“I gotta get to practice.” He mumbled, sliding out of his chair and out the door. Just as he was leaving, Isaac came inside to sit in his place.

“What was that all about?” He wondered, probably noticing how upset Jai was.

“Just everyday drama.”

“Listen,” He started. “I need your help with something.”

“Okay?” I said, raising an eyebrow.

“So that thing with the cops a few nights ago—.”

“Oh, yeah,” I interrupted. “Grayson got in a lot of trouble with my parents.”

“Yeah same with my brother,” He agreed. “Mr. Reed came up to me in the hall today with a note that was written back and forth between Nixon and Hannah. I guess he must’ve took it from them in class and it says that they’re talking about some kinda party tonight in Waverly.” He handed the note over to me and I opened it up to read it.

“And what does this have to do with me?” I wondered, leaning on my elbows and reading the chicken scratch on the paper.

“You wouldn’t happen to know of anywhere they’d be going do you?” He asked, timidly. “Would Grayson have said anything about it?”

“All I know is that there are some people that like to gather in places where they can enjoy it without being disturbed.” I explained, handing the note back to him.

“What kind of places?” He asked.

“Old warehouses, dried up cornfields, that kind of stuff.”

“Anywhere in Waverly?”

“Maybe,” I shrugged, taking my phone out of my pocket. “I'll try to pull up a map.”

“Thanks for this,” He smiled. “I know it's asking a lot.”

“As Jai likes to remind me, Nixon's in this mess because of Grayson, and I figure I owe you one for keeping the play a secret,” I typed in directions from Camden to Waverly, waiting for the Wi-Fi to speed up. “Have you talked to him today?” I wondered, looking up at him.

“No, why?”

“Just curious,” I smiled, remembering what Jai had said to Isaac over the phone on Sunday. “Here, that's your best bet.” I said once I sent the map to Isaac’s phone.

“Thanks, Morgan.” He grinned, leaving just as Jai did.

(Isaac’s P.O.V)

After getting information from Morgan, I walked back to Penner’s car where he was waiting for me. After Mr. Reed gave me the note he took from my brother, I told Penner all about it and what I think Nixon was up to tonight. I didn’t exactly tell him what I was planning on doing because I knew he would think it was a bad idea. I was fully fasted in the passenger’s seat before Penner started asking questions.

“Did you get anything?” He wondered when I didn’t come back with the coffee I claimed to be getting.

“How do you feel about a little trip to an abandoned trailer park?” I asked, throwing the questions back at him.

“Isaac, I don’t know.”

“Penner, my brother’s there.”

“Where?” He breathed, turning to face me. “Where exactly is he?”

“If you don’t wanna go with me then just say so.” I said, noticing his hesitancy.

“Wherever you’re going, it’s not gunna be alone.” He shook his head back and forth, looking me in the eye, protectively.

“It’s in Waverly,” I shrugged. “It’s about an hour away and I know he’s there.”

“You wanna track down your brother in a place you’ve never been to?” He raised an eyebrow at me, looking at me like I’m crazy.

“Well I’m lucky you’ll be there with me,” I smiled at him, scooting closer so our faces were closer together. He examined my face, trying to find any hint that I was joking, but I doubt he found one.

“Why do you wanna do this so bad?” He mumbled.

“Because he’s my brother,” I said once again. Penner’s face gave off the vibe that my reason wasn’t a good enough one. “Please.”

“A-alright fine, let's just— let's just go.” He shrugged, sucking in a breath through his nose. He unclicked his seat belt and looked over at me. “But, you're driving.”

Once we got on the road, it felt strange to me that I was driving such a nice car and I knew that it was draw too much attention. I took the liberty of going by my house to change cars, making it out of the driveway before either of my parents noticed us.

Throughout the drive to Waverly, there wasn’t anything to talk about between us and we tried our best to make small talk, but in the end we were left with listening to the radio.

“How much longer?” He asked, sitting up in the seat.

“I don’t know, that’s what you’re supposed to be telling me.” I smiled.

“Oh, right,” He muttered, clearing his throat. It wasn’t until we drove past a sign that said _Waverly 13_ that he spoke up again. “Looks like we got about 13 miles to go.”

“Thank you,” I said, sarcastically. “For being so helpful.”

Penner reached across and playfully punched my knee and then rested it on the same spot. He kept it there throughout the rest of the drive occasionally tightening his hand now and again. Once we got into town we parked under a street lamp on the main road.

“So what now?” Penner asked, looking around to see if there were any people around.

“It’s a small town, smaller then Camden,” I started, getting Penner’s attention back. “I think we should lay low and just scope the place out.”

“Okay,” He agreed. “It’s almost 10 PM so let’s get in and get out and get home.”

“Short and sweet, I like it.” I smiled, pulling out into the street, circling the town until we came across a sign.

“ _Clear Creek Mobile Homes_ ,” Penner mumbled. “Do you think this is the place?”

“It seems about right, doesn’t it?” I couldn’t see much because of the darkness, but the few houses I could see looked as if they’d been torn to shreds. The sidings looked like they went through a hurricane, but then I began to feel the vibrations from the music coming from further in the park. “This is definitely the place.”

“What are we gunna do?” He asked.

“Like I said,” I began, turning my car off. “We lay low and just act like we belong here.”

“Well I’ll have you know that I am an expert at acting like that.”

We both got out of the car, the music becoming even louder than before. I could see Penner looking at the side of my face like he wanted to say something, but he instead extended his hand and took mine in his.

“Let’s get this over with.” I muttered as Penner and I began walking into the park at the same speed. We knew we were getting closer when more and more parked cars began piling up and we ran into more and more people.

The people were, let’s just say, different. Most of them had multiple piercings in their face and had the same amount of tattoos that Penner had. As soon as we got to the front door, there was a strong smell coming from inside.

“What is that?” I asked, stepping through the door after Penner.

“Smells like weed,” He mumbled into my ear so he could be heard over the music. We walked past the first open door and looked in, but the only thing we could see was people covered up with a bed sheet and the bed banging up against the wall. I immediately jerked Penner’s arm so we didn’t have to be more scarred for life then we already were. “Oh my God.” He laughed in my ear and squeezed my arm to guide me into the kitchen.

I wished he hadn’t. Among the unknown faces were beer bottles by the dozens. Some were spilled on the floor or on the table, filling the room with their smell. Others were just waiting to be picked up and swallowed like the rest of them.

Penner must’ve recognized someone or went up to the nicest looking person he could find because he left me to stand alone while he went and talked to a guy on the other side of the room. He left me alone to try and calm myself down, to fidget with my fingers and weigh the options of whether or not taking a drink would be a good idea.

I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath. By the time I opened my eyes, Penner was standing in front of me against. “The guy said he hasn’t seen anyone like I described. Then again, most of the people here don’t know where they’re at.” He laughed, a smile on his face.

“Okay,” I muttered, not caring if I was heard or not.

Penner stepped in closer so our chests were touching. “Are you okay?” He wondered, putting a protective arm around my back.

I shook my head back and forth, shoving my hands into my jacket pocket as I searched for something to run through my fingers to distract me. I started to feel lightheaded and I latched my arm onto the back of his shirt to balance myself.

“Okay, okay,” Penner muttered, putting his arms around me to support my body. He weaved through the crowd of drunk, not looking into the room where people were having sex and into open air.

I couldn’t take it anymore. Every emotion that I’ve kept inside all started coming out at once. All the anger I’ve had towards my brother, all the fear I’ve had as I hoped he wouldn’t end up like me started taking over my whole body. And I became so overwhelmed that I began to cry. I cried not caring if Penner was here to see me, not caring if I was embarrassing myself. I just cried.

(Morgan’s P.O.V)

Shortly after Isaac left, Dean Rooney came in and sat in the same spot at the bar like he did every night and ordered the exact same thing he always does. It seems like ever since he turned 21years old back in August he’s spent every penny he owns on alcohol. I just don’t understand why he would rather drink in a public place instead of in the privacy of his own home.

My guess is that he liked all the attention he still got for being one of Camden High Schools greatest baseball players ever. Every night he always gets old people coming up to him and telling him just how good he used to be. Nowadays Dean didn’t seem like he’d be good at anything anymore, and I was afraid that Jai would end up turning into him.

My other guess was that he liked the attention he got from women. It was no secret that he was handsome and I am in no means complaining that he comes in every night, but it was obvious that he fed off the attention of the people around him. I suppose that answers the question to why he doesn’t stay home and drink.

“Dean Rooney.” I was too busy cleaning the counters to notice Satan’s Spawn walk up to the bar, but I could pick out that voice anywhere. “Why am I not surprised to see you here?”

“Speak of the devil,” Good one, Dean. “Where’ve you been?”

“Around, about.” My sister shrugged, taking the open seat next to Dean.

“I’ve been there,” He agreed. “What brings you here?” He wondered.

“I thought I’d switch up my night a little bit.”

“Well you came to the right place.” I tried my best to block out the conversation, but it was like witnessing a car crash, you just couldn’t look away. It was a good thing they were too caught up with each other to notice I was frequently glancing at them now and again.

Harper and Dean dated for like three months in high school when my sister was a senior and Dean was a sophomore. It was obvious that the two most self-centered people would never work out. I noticed that a few chairs down that Penner’s sister, Rebekah and the history teacher from school sat down together.

“Umm, whiskey, please.” Rebekah muttered.

“I'll have the same.” A look of shock appeared on Mr. Reed’s face when he realized it was a student serving him hard liquor. Usually you had to be at least 21 years old to serve alcohol, but since my family owns the place, the Moseley’s’ are practically allowed to do whatever we want.

“I screwed up.” I heared Rebekah saying as I set their drinks in front of them. If my sister hasn’t noticed me by now it was because she was purposefully trying not to. I didn’t have a problem with that because by the end of the night there was no way I wanted to claim her.

“Yeah, you did.” Mr. Reed agreed.

“Rebekah?” Harper said from my right, catching the attention of Penner’s sister. “Rebekah Watson.”

“Harper!” Rebekah exclaimed, getting out of her chair to hug my sister. “This woman is crazy.” She muttered towards the teacher.

“Not as crazy as you.” Harper smiled, looking at Dean who signaled for another refill.

“I’m not anymore, but I’m allowed to take a night off once and a while.”

“It’s good for the soul.” Harper responded.

“Great for the soul.” Dean chimed in.

“This is not going to end well.” Rebekah laughed, looking back at Mr. Reed who was forcing a smile on his face.

“Can’t wait.” Dean slid down to the empty seat to talk with Mr. Reed as Harper explained her life to Rebekah. Just listening to my sister could make your IQ drop and thankfully a group of guys that worked at the gas station came up to the bar asking for a round of drinks. I couldn’t thank those men enough.

(Isaac’s P.O.V)

“Penner I can’t—I can’t,” I wheezed out as we got closer to my car. “You gotta get me outta here I’m—.” I gasped for air as Penner opened the passenger door of the car and helped my inside. I couldn’t stop thinking about all the alcohol that was there, the smell of it stuck was in my head. I kept thinking about how it made me feel, how one sip could change the way I was feeling towards my brother. I kept thinking about how all those drinks in that trailer could turn my brain off for at least a few hours and after everything I’ve gone through over the years I was willing to let that happen.

“Shh, shh just breathe, okay?” Penner whispered, once he was in the driver’s seat. “I’m gunna get you some water.” He muttered, going to open the door.

“No! Penn—.” I shouted, grabbing for his arm.

“Okay, it’s okay I’m right here,” He extended his arms out to rub at my back. I tried to thinking of others things besides drinking. I tried focusing on the feeling of his hand going up and down my back, but I began breathing unevenly as I figured out that it wasn’t working. “Isaac, baby, you gotta relax.” He said, rubbing his hand a bit faster. I could tell that Penner didn’t know how to calm me down, and I was of no use either because even I didn’t have the answer.

“I need to leave, there’s—there’s too much of every-everything here.” I managed to choke out.

“Okay, I gotta get your brother first alright?” I could feel that more tears were on the verge of running down my face as I thought about Penner leaving me alone. I didn’t want to be alone. “It’ll be okay, you just wait here and try to sleep.” He wiped his hand across my forehead, pushing the fallen bangs out of my eyes.

“What about you?” I whispered, noticing how the clock was about to strike midnight.

“My life is made of late nights and early mornings,” He tried to joke, putting his hands on my cheeks to peck my lips a few times. “I’ll be back before you know it.” He mumbled, kissing my cheek and sliding out of the car and going back down the road to where the party was.

I locked the door as a precaution so I wouldn’t try and steal the one thing I needed most right now. I also locked the door because I didn’t want to bust the door down to go chasing after him. I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want to be alone. This locked door couldn’t keep me back because all I had to do was flip the lock on the door and I could open it at any minute.

I glanced out the window and could no longer see Penner because of the darkness and the feeling of loneliness kicked in even more and I never opened a door so fast in my life because it was dark and I didn’t want to be alone.

 

 

 

 


	10. Wednesday, Oct. 10: Into The Night, Desperate And Broken

(Nixon’s P.O.V)

This was without a doubt the greatest night of my life. I was here with the greatest friends I ever had, plus Hannah. I didn’t want Hannah to be my friend, I wanted her to be my girlfriend. If Grayson ever found out that I had a crush on her, he would skin me alive.

He left sometime during the night, leaving and Hannah alone with me in a yard of some trailer. I remember getting here, but I don’t know what happened after I took my first drink. Whatever I was smoking gave me some kind of warm feeling and it felt amazing with the cooler air blowing around me.

“All right, we should probably go,” Hannah said, getting out of her seat, tripping over her feet, and then laughing at herself. “Grayson left about ten minutes ago.”

“You sure you can walk?” I joked.

“We'll see.” She tripped over her feet once more, and then fell over a pile of beer cans that lay in the grass a few feet away.

“Don’t expect me to help, my head's all messed up.”

“I can't find my truck.” She whined from the ground, her attention focusing on the stars.

“That's probably a sign you shouldn't be driving it.” I pointed out, getting out of my seat to help her on her feet as best as I could. I wasn’t in any better state then she was and was tempted to just lay next to her on the ground until we both sobered up.

“You're more stoned than I am.” She laughed as she leaned all her weight on me.

“C’mon, we gotta find the truck.” I dragged her along with me, looking at the ground the whole time I walked, but everything was spinning too fast.

(Penner’s P.O.V)

After leaving Isaac to calm down by himself, I started my journey to find his brother. I’d never seen Isaac freak out like that and I didn’t have a clue how to help him. I figured the only way to get out of here was to get Nixon and take him home with us.

I didn’t go back in the trailer that we’ve already looked through so I went a few houses down to see if I could find anyone. Just as I was about to turn and go back, voices came from behind the trailer I was in front of.

I was hesitant to go around the side to see who it was that was making those sounds because they could be doing something illegal—well more illegal then what they were already doing. In the back of my mind is the part where I have to be cautious of my safety as well. If someone here were to recognize me, they could kidnap me and sell my body for money or something, but that’s a bit drastic.

From behind me, I heard the sound of snapping sticks and instantly turned around to see what was sneaking up behind me.

“What are you doing here?” I gasped, widening my eyes.

“I could ask you the same thing.” Isaac whispered.

“You’re supposed to wait in the car,” I looked him up and down, trying to figure out how he pulled himself together so quickly. “Are you feeling better?”

“I’m fine,” He mumbled. “I figured since Nixon is my brother I need to be the one to find him.”

“Isaac, it’s not a big deal,” I began, pulling him closer so he blended in with the side of the house. “I saw how you were acting—.”

“I said I’m fine.” He snapped. We exchanged looks in silence. I tried to remind myself that sleep, hunger, and other factors were coming into play and that would explain why we were snapping at each other.

“What the hell?” A voice said from behind us. We turned towards the voice and saw Hannah Barker alongside Isaac’s brother. “What are you doing here?” Nixon wondered. Isaac stood frozen, trying to process the fact that his brother was standing in front of him.

“You’re coming home with us.” It probably wasn’t any of my business to tell Nixon what to do, but I wanted him to know that there isn’t any way he can convince the both of us to let him stay.

“You must think I’m crazy if you think I’m going anywhere with you.” I waited for Isaac to say something, but it was like his brain was turned off. He’d waited all night for this and now he’s completely blanking.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” I started, trying to figure out the best way to get him to come with us. I didn’t want to have to literally drag him out of here like a child, but if it came down to that I would. “So I suggest you come with us now so you don’t embarrass yourself in front of your friends.”

“You’re not my father.” He spit back at me.

“Nixon just do it!” Isaac finally spoke up, catching everyone off guard. “We didn’t drive all the way out to the middle of nowhere to hear you complain like a baby.”

“Thanks for the concern,” Nixon muttered, sarcastically. “I’m going home with Hannah.”

“No you’re not, and Hannah shouldn’t be driving,” Isaac said, shaking his head. “You’re both drunk and high and whatever the hell else you are. Now let’s get going before anyone notices we’ve left the house.”

Surprisingly, Isaac was really convincing and I figured Hannah felt the same way when she began walking willingly with us. We paused a few feet away when Nixon hadn’t moved. He noticeably rolled his eyes and huffed, following after us to the car.

I volunteered to drive back into town, having to stop once to let Hannah throw up on the side of the road, but other than that Nixon and Hannah slept in the backseat. I didn’t want to bring up conversation with Isaac because I was afraid that he would lash out at his brother in such a confined amount of space.

We dropped Hannah off first at her house and then drove as quietly as possible to Isaac’s, switching off the headlights so they wouldn’t draw any attention. Nixon got out of the car first, walking up to the house like a jewel thief.

“Do you wanna stay with me tonight?” I asked.

“I shouldn’t,” He denied. “I have to come up with an excuse to where we were all night and I’m not looking forward to that. I also don’t want to explain why I was at your house on a school night either.”

“Okay,” I nodded, understanding where he was coming from. It was nearly 3 AM and Isaac looked more exhausted then I did. “Isaac, you know I’m here for you, right?”

“I know, Penn.” He whispered.

“Then tell me what’s wrong.” I pleaded, focusing all my attention on him.

He swallowed hard, looking out the window and then back at me, tears forming in his eyes. “It’s not right, it’s not fair,” He hiccupped. “He’s 14 years old, he shouldn’t have to live like this.” It was hard seeing Isaac cry, especially when he seems like a strong person on the outside. It made me wonder just how much emotion Isaac was keeping buried inside him. I wasn’t one to talk either since I kept everything to myself for a really long time.

“Isaac.” I breathed, reaching for his hand.

“There has to be another way,” He mumbled, confidently as he wiped at his tears. “We have to fix it.”

“We will Izzy hey,” I grabbed onto the sides of his face so he would look at me. “We will, okay?” I promised.

He nodded silently, sniffing and letting out a long breath. “I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier,” He said, looking me in the eye. “I've been fighting with my own mind, I'm fighting with my brother and we're too stubborn to talk to each other.” He explained, cracking a smile.

“Hey, nobody ever said it was gunna be easy.” I said, trying to comfort him.                  

“Yeah, try doing it on your own.” He mumbled under his breath. I felt like saying something, something like ‘You’re not alone, I’m here for you,’ but that’s already been said. Instead we said goodnight—well, good morning, technically—to each other, exchanged a few kisses, and I got in my car and drove home to get at most four hours of sleep before I had to tackle a new day.

(Isaac’s P.O.V)

If you think getting about seven hours of sleep at night it torture the next day, try functioning with about three. It’s like walking around with no emotional connection to anything, which in some cases is a good thing. At lunch, Penner didn’t seem too bothered by the lack of sleep, but I suppose that he’s used to that since he has such a hectic life and all.

We sat and just talked about minor things, like how hard the English quiz is going to be on Friday, and if we slept well or not. I don’t think I had any energy to think of anything else to say. After school, Penner took me back to his house so I could get my car. I’ve been parking there recently because the both of us thought it would just be easier than taking two cars to school when we end up being together most of the time anyway.

I accepted his invitation inside, but informing him that I could only stay for at least an hour at the most. When he left to get us something to drink, I took advantage of the couch and closed my eyes for a few minutes, but that was until he came back and tapped on my leg.

“It looks like you got about as much sleep as I did.” He grinned, handing me a bottle of water.

“Thanks, Penn.” I muttered, pulling my legs back so he could sit next to me.

“I’m only joking,” He said, laughing to himself. “Did your parents say anything this morning?” He wondered.

“They don’t seem to have a clue,” I started. “Although my brother got to stay home from school because he was ‘sick’ when he got up this morning.” I rolled my eyes, using air quotes around the word “sick”.

“Why am I not surprised? He asked, rhetorically. “How’s everything with you?” He wondered after a short pause.

“I’m fine.” I shrugged, trying to convince him otherwise.

“Isaac, stop saying you’re fine,” He muttered, placing his hand on my arm. “I know I don’t understand what you’re going through with the alcohol thing, but I want you to tell me honestly how you’re feeling.” Halfway through his sentence I looked away because I didn’t want to have this conversation. Especially not now when my lack of sleep can cause me to be moodier then I normally am. When I glanced back at him, there was a look on his face that said he wasn’t going to back down unless he got an answer out of me. It was like someone flipped a switch on my adrenaline and I just said whatever came to mind.

“Penner I don’t know!” I whined, throwing my hands in the air. “I feel anger and guilt towards my brother and I feel like I’ve pulled you into things that I shouldn’t have. I’m pissed at Jai because he was saying all those things about Nixon, but now I feel like an idiot because my brother could’ve done all those things he was accused of. And all I want to do is watch Seinfeld and lay in my bed all day, but I can’t because I have every responsibility in the world on my shoulders—.” I sucked down a much needed breath and watched as Penner stared at me, many expressions showing on his face.

“Listen,” He muttered, pulling me closer to him. He threw an arm around my shoulders and used his other arm to go across his body and place in on my knee that was pulled up to my chest. “I’ve got something to do tomorrow night, but how about on Friday you come over and stay with me. We can watch Seinfeld and lay in bed together all night.”

I sniffed and nodded at his offer, feeling instantly better. “That sounds amazing.” I smiled, resting my head on his shoulder. Above our heads, thunder roared from the sky.

“I’ll even try to take all those feelings away and leave you with pure happiness.” I could feel Penner kissing the top of my head. I could also feel myself drifting off to sleep in his arms, but was startled when another loud boom came from outside.

“I should get home before it starts pouring.” I mumbled, pulling out of his arms. He held onto my hand as I tried to retrieve my jacket from the front door. I turned around to see him glazing at me from the couch. He pulled on my hand to bring me back down to his level.

Our lips touched without a second thought, and the feeling of his mouth on mine caused sparks to surge throughout my body. Another strike of thunder rang above our heads and I pulled away with a smile on my face. If I would’ve looked back on my way out the door I know for a fact that he would’ve been watching me.

My plan for when I got home was to go unnoticed by any member of my family, grab something to eat that would last me all night, plus about five bottles of water that way I wouldn’t have to leave my room at all. That wasn’t how it turned out to be.

“Isaac Daniel Baldwin,” My mother said as she came into the kitchen, my face buried in the pantry. “I’m going to try and stay as completely calm as I can and I want you to do the same. Are we on the same page here?” She managed to ask between her gritted teeth.

“Yeah,” I sighed, grabbing the bags of chips and sitting down at the table. “I knew this was going to happen sooner or later.”

“I have yet to talk with Nixon because I don’t think I can be calm around him because I expect him to behave like this,” She managed to stay standing and began pacing back and forth. “But you—what were you thinking?”

“What do you mean?” I wondered, trying to avoid implying something she didn’t even know about.

“Your dad got a visit today from the Mayor,” She started. “He says that his daughter didn’t get home until late last night and he claims that you and Nixon had something to do with that.”

Oh, shit. I completely forgot that Hannah could play a huge part in keeping quiet about this whole thing. I didn’t even think about the fact that the freaking Mayor would be suspicious about his daughter’s late night adventures.

“Before you get all crazy, just know that Nixon is just doing this for attention,” When Mom got the hint that I was about to spill my guts, she sat down across the table from me. “He’s tired of being left out and he’s just trying to fit in. I learned that much from Psych class.” I explained.

“And what was it that Nixon did for attention?” She asked, waiting for me to continue.

I gulped so hard that it couldn’t probably be heard throughout the whole house. I knew I should tell her what exactly Nixon was doing with his free time, but I wouldn’t want my own brother to rat me out if I was to do something like this. I came to the conclusion that I no longer cared if I covered for him or not because he would continue to make the same choices. “He went to a party in Waverly last night. With Hannah Barker.”

“What were you doing there?”

“Penner and I were there to bring him back home, honest.” I muttered, trying to clear my name. I was starting to feel uncomfortable explaining these events to her because she was starting to get that look in her eye that I know so well. It was the exact look I got when I started down a long and dark path a couple years ago.

“Penner was there?” She wondered, raising her eyebrow. It was probably a mistake to mention that detail, but I didn’t want to get myself in trouble if I left out a part of what happened.

“I asked him to go along with me in case something went wrong.” I mumbled, trying to bring out her motherly instincts in case I wasn’t off the hook yet. I thought she was going to ask more questions about what I’d done that night, but thankfully she started wondering about other things.

“Was Nixon drinking?” She asked with her eyes closed, her face filled with disappointment.

“Yeah.”

“Smoking?” I nodded once more. “You didn’t drink did you?” Her voice was filled with concern. As much as I wanted to, I didn’t. Elena, my counselor back in Nebraska, said that restraining yourself to not drink will make you feel stronger in the end. I don’t really know how she came to the conclusion because if anything I felt weaker than I did before.

“No, no I was careful about that.” I reassured.

“I’m gunna need to get security cameras or something because he snuck out right under my nose.” She exaggerated, causing me to smile.

“When does he go see that therapist?” I wondered.

“Her name is Veronica Stark, he goes on Thursday after school.” She informed.

“Okay,” I nodded. “Do you need me to go?”

“No, I’ll need you to stay home with Trey and Kitty,” I nodded again so she knew I understood what she was saying. I got out of my chair and grabbed my snacks and drinks, but had to stop when Mom grabbed my attention. “Isaac, I’m trusting that you’re telling me the truth about what happened last night.”

“I am,” I said, confidently. I heard footsteps coming from upstairs and I tried to think of something that would get me out of talking with my siblings for the night. “Mom, I’m not feeling all that well so I’m just gunna go get some sleep.”

“Dinner will be ready around 6 PM.”

“I think I’ll pass.” I called from the living room, practically jogging all the way up to my room.

Most of the night I sat on my couch, watching a range of things from movies to TV shows and I would constantly change my mind because nothing seemed to catch my attention. Mom came up once to check on me, but when I heard someone coming I pretended to be asleep that way I could be alone. I didn’t really think it through all that well since I would have to convince her I wasn’t sick at all.

Sometime after the sun went down, more footsteps could be heard coming up the stairs and I still faked being asleep. When the person didn’t knock on the door, I popped one eye open to see who it actually was because Penner had a habit of showing up out of nowhere. As much as I wanted it to be him, it was only my brother and he looked pissed.

“How could you tell Mom what happened?” He asked, coming to stand in front of the TV. I waited for him to explain more so I could pretend I didn’t know what he was talking about, but when he just continued to stare at me I figured he really knew what I’d done.

“I was trying to look out for you.” I explained, sitting up.

“I don’t need you to help me.” He snarled, shaking his head and crossing his arms.

“No Nixon, that’s where you’re wrong,” I denied, standing up a little too quickly. “Everything that you’re doing—you’re just making mistakes that I’ve already made. You were there through it all and now you’re gunna follow in my footsteps and ruin your life. I see the future you could have and you’re throwing it away. It pisses me off. That’s why I helped you. Now that I know you take it for granted, don’t expect me to do it again.”

The seriousness in my voice must’ve got the message across because Nixon gave me one last look up and down and left my room without another word.

After telling my brother I’d no longer look after him made a weight appear on my conscience. I used to be the type of person who tried to please everyone, no matter how uncomfortable it made me feel. Now I’ve learned that if you believe you made the right decision, you shouldn’t apologize to the people who think you’re wrong.


	11. Thursday, Oct. 11: Play Out The Same Old Tragedy

(Nixon’s P.O.V)

This lady, Veronica Stark, wasn’t as old as I thought she was going to be. Her age didn’t make me want to talk anymore then I wanted to. She started off by making small talk, like what grade I was in or how I liked living in Camden. I would simply nod or give a one word answer most of the time. The therapist thought if my mother was no longer in the room that I would start talking. I mostly just wanted Mom to quit breathing down my neck.

“So,” She tried again. “It’s just you and me. Are you ready to talk now?” She wondered, adjusting in her seat.

“If it’ll get me out of here, sure.” I mumbled, crossing my arms.

“I’ll try to make this as painless as possible,” She grabbed her pen off the table next to her and wrote something in the notebook on her lap. “So your Mom says you’ve been having some behavioral issues lately.”

“Not really.” I denied, still trying to give easy answers.

“Then what would you call it?” She asked.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I’m just doing what my friends are doing.”

“And you think you have to do the things they do?”

“They’re my friends.” After every time I said something, she would scribble something down in her notebook and I figured that I should no longer be surprised every time it happens.

“That didn’t really answer my question.” She muttered, looking back at me.

“I do what my friends do.” I said again, my monotone voice kicking in.

“Okay,” She nodded. “Would you say your friends have an impact on your decisions?” She wondered.

“I do what my friends do.” I repeated for what felt like the hundredth time.

“Yeah, I get that,” She grinned. “So you go to parties because they do?”

“If they didn’t then I wouldn’t.” I mumbled, completely over this pointless session.

“Why not?”

“I can make my own decisions.”

“But I thought you do what your friends do?” I hated that. I hated that she pointed out everything wrong with my story. I hated how it made me seem like an idiot. I glared back her, hopefully showing no trace of emotion on my face. “So you decided to skip multiple classes, use how many illegal substances, and sneak out of the house to go to Waverly all on your own?”

This felt more like an interrogation then a therapy session, and I’ve had recent practice with the first one. My mom told me that I would feel more comfortable with myself by the end of the appointment, but I just felt pissed off at the world. Pissed off that my mom dragged me here, pissed off at the therapist for trying to get inside my head.

“Are we done?” I muttered, realizing she pointed out almost all of my past mistakes.

She flicked her wrist to look down at her watch and then back up at me.  “I suppose we are.”

Before she finished her last word, I was out of the seat and on my way out the door. I took a glance towards my mom who was having a conversation with someone in the waiting room.

“Mom, let’s go.” I said, not paying any attention to the person I knew all too well

“Penner, you can come on back.” The receptionist at the desk said, catching the attention of the three of us.

“It was nice talking with you.” She smiled, letting Penner shift his way past us. “Well, how was it?” She wondered.

“Terrible.” I spat, waiting for Mom to unlock the door. Why was Penner waiting to see a therapist? Man, just wait until Isaac got a load of this.

“Why’s that?” She asked, pulling out of the parking lot.

“I’m done talking.” I muttered, looking out the window as we drove down the road, pulling into the diner for dinner that I was promised.

(Jai’s P.O.V)

I waited in the parking lot for about ten minutes, trying to figure out if this was a good idea to come talk to Morgan. A part of me didn’t want to, but another part of me missed her and wanted to make things better. With the lack of parking spaces, I could easily go inside and not be noticed if I decided to bail at the last second. I figured that was the best plan.

Once inside, my eyes immediately shot towards the bar where the TV hung. The Red Sox game was on and I weaved through the people to get a closer look at the screen.

“You’re not one of those people who hang out at work on your day off are you?” Grayson muttered from behind me.

“If I didn’t know better I’d say you don’t have work either.” I said, keeping my eyes glued to the screen.

“This is punishment I get for living life.” He mumbled, coming to stand next to me.

“You mean living life like an idiot?” I joked, sorta.

“If everyone wasn’t so focused on being caught up in their boring lives, you all would see that all the things we’ve been doing isn’t a big deal.” He explained, freely giving his point of view.

“It’s a big deal when you constantly drag my sister into it.” I said, pushing back.

“I don’t drag her into anything,” He denied. “She does everything willingly.”

Something set off my temper and I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and threw him against a pillar. “If I were you, I’d would think about making new friends.” I growled, not caring if everyone in the restaurant was staring.

“I wish I could stay and chat,” Grayson muttered, pushing at my chest until I backed away. “But I gotta get back to work.” He straightened his shirt and disappeared into the crowd. I resumed my position watching the Red Sox game when someone from my past came strolling in.

“Jai Barker,” Dean smiled, sticking his hand out. “What do you know?”

“Dean Rooney,” I said, shaking his hand. “What's up, man?” Back in middle school, Dean and I became friends when the varsity players had to help the younger kids for when they got to high school. If it wasn’t for the coach forcing them to do that, I doubt Dean and I would be friends.

“You had a rough season last year.”

“It's kind of hard to recover when you lose half your games.” I sighed, thinking back at our horrible team. Thankfully the incoming freshman are a bit better than the seniors we lost.

“How long have you been working here?” He asked.

“How do you know I work here?” I wondered.

“Dude, I’m here all the time.” He said, finishing off whatever was in his glass.

“Right,” I nodded. “Just about a couple weeks.” I mumbled, answering his question.

“Looks like you’re on the right track.” He laughed, setting his glass on the counter, signaling for a refill.

“Minus the state championship.” I added. Four years ago when Dean was a senior, the baseball team won the state championship and he was named the MVP. I doubt that’ll ever happen again in my lifetime, but I was just lucky enough to witness it.

“Well, we can’t all be baseball gods.”

“Can I get you something else to drink?” Morgan said, a few strands of loose hair hanging around her face. “You haven’t been here an hour and you’ve already had a few drinks.”

“I know when I need to stop.” Dean said.

“Water, coffee?” Morgan pushed.

“You know what I’ll take a glass of water,” Dean grinned. “But instead of filling it up with water can you put bourbon in it? That’d be great.”

Morgan looked at me for some back up, but it was obvious that Dean wasn’t going to settle for anything less. “You heard the man.” I shrugged. She snatched his glass off the counter and filled it up with the drink he requested.

“Anything else I can get you?” Morgan asked, forcefully putting a smile on her face.

“Actually, if you see Carly tell her I’m sitting here like a loser waiting for her.”

“You two are friends?” Morgan breathed, raising an eyebrow in disbelief.

“Is it so hard to believe I’d have one?” Dean wondered, almost halfway through his drink.

“Yeah, it is.” She nodded. Dean picked up his glass and raised it to the both of us, taking a drink out of it and then leaving to blend in with the other people. Naturally, just as he left Carly came walking up to the both of us. All of her attention was focused on Morgan, and I turned back to the game because Carly had no need to talk with me, but I kept my ears on just in case they started talking about me.

“How did this happen?” Morgan wondered, referring to Carly’s friendship with Dean.

“Well if you weren’t so busy with yourself, you would have time to notice Dean and I have been meeting here the past few nights.” Carly explained, her voice higher than usual.

“Carly, you can’t meet him here if he’s here every night.” Morgan said, bringing the mood down which was something she usually did.

“It doesn’t matter,” Carly said, waving her off. “I’ve been after him since the 8th grade and now I finally have him.”

“Take him.” Morgan muttered.

“Where’d Dean go anyway?” Carly wondered. I was beginning to wonder the same thing since he was more than likely drunk and wandering around with people he probably didn’t know. It was like looking after my sister.

“I don’t know.”

“I’ll be back.” Carly said, pulling away from the bar to search in the crowd. I looked back to see if Morgan was still there, but when she wasn’t I looked back at the screen.

I stood alone to watch the game, but when movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention, I noticed that I knew the person that sat down a few chairs to my left. I waited a few moments to see if anyone was going to join him, but when no one did I took the empty chair next to him, still keeping my eyes on the game.

(Isaac’s P.O.V)

While I was at home looking after my youngest siblings, my father unexpectedly walked through the door. I couldn’t remember the last time he was home early from work when it didn’t involve some sort of emergency. He said if I wanted to go grab dinner for everyone we could all sit down and eat as a family like old times. I only took him up on the offer so I no longer than to sit and watch after the little demons. Trey and Katherine looked like saints on the outside, but once they get riled up there’s no way to bring them back down.

After placing in an order for an extra-large pizza, I was forced to wait at the bar until my food was ready. That wasn’t the smartest idea since I could easily reach over the counter to grab at their alcohol, and I considered doing it, too, but I didn’t particularly feel like being arrested tonight.

Instead, I ordered a Pepsi and began playing Fruit Ninja on my phone, but that was until an old friend sat down next to me. I waited for Jai to say something, but he continuously glanced back from me to the TV with a baseball game on screen.

“What’s up? I mumbled, shifting uncomfortably in my seat.

“I didn’t expect to see you here,” He started. “You don’t seem to hang around anymore.”

“You’d be surprised where I’ve been hanging around.” I laughed under my breath, taking a gulp of my drink.

“Would Waverly be a good guess?” He raised his eyebrow, obviously knowing where I’ve been. “Hannah got in so much trouble when my parents found out, but I suspect your brother got some sort of punishment as well.” He grinned, leaning in closer to me.

“Don’t you have somewhere you can be, Jai?” I muttered, growing increasingly annoyed with him. I don’t understand why Jai felt like he needed to get under my skin even more. He already knew I was mad at him when he yelled at me over the phone the other night. For some reason, I think he wants to make it seem like he’s the perfect one around here.

“Don’t look so down,” Jai clasped a hand on my shoulder. “Who could’ve guessed that your own brother would betray you?”

“Is that what this is about?” I asked, shrugging his arm off of me. “You’re still me at my brother.”

“He’s been making a lot of people angry lately.”

“Well just remember that I’m the one who dragged your sister’s drunk ass out of Waverly, too,” I muttered, glaring at him. “So he’s not the only one pissing people off.”

“She’s unpredictable, that one.” He grinned at me.

“And that makes everything she’s done okay?” I wondered, drawing attention from the people around us. “Who was it that corrupted my brother in the first place? Oh yeah, Hannah Barker.” I picked my jacket up from behind my seat and stormed off to the ordering counter where Morgan was working.

“Isaac—.”

“How much longer until my food is ready?” I asked impatiently, noticing her overwhelmed expression.

“We’re busier than normal, it’s going to take a little longer than ten minutes.” She explained, pointing around at all the customers.

“Just—,” I started, taking a deep breath. “The quicker the better.” She nodded in understanding, but want to go take an order from someone a few chairs down.

“Listen,” She said once she came back. “Saturday is my dad’s birthday and he always has this big party to celebrate. Do you think you’d want to go?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I’ll tell my parents about it.”

“Okay, great.” She smiled.

“You know,” I said, catching her attention. “If I go, Penner is coming with me.”

“Hmm, looks like you order’s done,” She said, avoiding my comment. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” She finally handed me my food and turned to serve other customers. The whole time I stood there talking with Morgan, I could feel Jai staring at me from behind. Honestly, I wanted nothing more than punch him square in the face just so I could knock some sense into him. I don’t know if it was just me, but it seems like everyone in town is beginning to show their true colors.

I turned to leave the diner with a large box in my hand, skillfully dodging people except for one person who purposefully put himself in my way.

“Nixon?” I breathed, noticing my brother standing alone before me. “What are you doing here?”

“Mom stopped to grab supper on the way home.” He explained.

“Looks like Mom and Dad think alike.” I mumbled, motioning towards the take out in my hands.

“I’m surprised you’re here.”

“Why do you say that?” I wondered.

“Mom said you had to look after Katherine and Trey.”

“Dad got home from work early.” I said, taking any hope that he could get me in trouble, away.

“I would’ve thought you would be here with your boyfriend.”

“Penner has some sort of plans tonight.” I shivered, the cool breeze making its way inside through the doors.

“Yeah, I know.” My brother smiled.

“You know?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” He nodded. “He was going in to see the therapist just as I was leaving.” He explained, genuine joy on his face.

“That can’t be right.” I muttered, shaking my head.

“You might want to talk to him about that.” I blew past Nixon and headed straight for my car. I already had to deal with Jai tonight and now my brother has to get a word in, too. I just want to be at home with my comfort food and call it a night.

When I got home, fully in bed with at least four slices of pizza next to me, Penner’s name popped up on the screen of my phone. I quickly answered it once I swallowed the food that was in my mouth.

“Hello?” I greeted.

“Hey there,” He said. “I just thought I’d call you before the day is up. We didn’t really have a whole lot of time to talk today.”

“Yeah, I know.” I agreed.

“But tomorrow I can finally have you all to myself.” He purred into the phone.

“Hmm,” I hummed, thinking about the day we would have together. The two of us lounging together, watching endless hours of TV, and perhaps a few heated make out sessions, but nothing was guaranteed. “I can’t wait.”

“Did you enjoy babysitting?” He asked, mocking me a little.

“Surprisingly, nothing caught on fire.” I joked, reminiscing back to the one time Nixon tried lighting a candle when he was ten years old, and he nearly burnt the house down. Since I never told Penner that story I doubt he would get the joke. “How was the thing you had to do?” I wondered.

Somewhere in the back of my mind believed what Nixon told me. Why would he go through all that trouble just to say Penner was seeing a therapist? If he really wanted to piss me off he could’ve said something like, ‘I found Penner making out with some guy in the back of his car.’ I just found my brother using the therapist as a reason to try and upset me to be a weak effort.

“Oh, it was good,” Penner said, clearing his throat. “My sister is getting rid of some of her stuff and she needed help putting it in boxes.”

My mind flashed back to the day when Rebekah said she hadn’t seen Penner since he got back from New York. I couldn’t help but feel like whatever Penner was doing, it didn’t involve Rebekah at all.

“Well, if she needs anymore help just let me know.” I offered.

“Will do.”

 

 

 


	12. Friday, Oct. 12th: Words Like Violence Break The Silence

(Isaac’s P.O.V)

After school, Penner wanted me to go straight to his house, but I still needed to pack my stuff for the weekend. I’m sure Penner would let me borrow whatever I wanted, but I didn’t want to make a habit of it. In the morning, I told Mom I’d be staying with him for the weekend. She didn’t particularly have anything to say about it except for the usual ‘be careful’, but that was to be expected.

I realized it was colder than most nights once I was on my way to his place. Leave were constantly falling from the trees and blowing in the wind. Days were getting shorter and the nights got longer, and the sun was already setting in the West. Halloween was one of my favorite holidays, but just because of the candy, but because anything was possible. You could be anyone you wanted.

The longer I drove the more the heat in my car began giving out. I looked away from the road just for a moment to try and fiddle with the problem, then suddenly out of nowhere a tree branch fell on the hood of my car, causing me to spiral out of control and to skid to the side of the road. I tried to gather my breathing and checked to see if I’d hurt anyone or damage anything. When it was obvious no one was around, I proceeded to get back on the road, but something was stopping me from doing so. I got out of my car to find out that one of my front tires was completely flat.

I learned how to change a tire in auto tech class freshmen year, but I wasn’t sure if I would be able to do it since I was never in a situation where it was necessary. If I wanted to, I could abandon my car and walk at most three miles to Penner’s house, but then I’d have to explain where my car was and walked through the tundra.

I searched through the trunk of my car, finding everything I needed to change it. I dialed Penner’s number to let him know where I was at. Naturally, just as I began rolling the spare tire he answers the phone. “Hey, where are you at?”

“I gotta flat tire.” I explained, leaning my back against the car.

“Where are you?” He asked.

“Close,” I muttered, looking at the closest street sign. “I’m on Cherry.”

“Are you okay?” He wondered, a hint of laughter in his voice.

“I’m fine,” I sighed. “I know how to change a tire.” I explained.

“I’m coming.” He said, not taking me seriously.

“Do you know how to change a tire?” I wondered.

After a short pause he continued. “I’ll stand there and watch you do it, smarty pants.”

“Seriously, I got it,” I began, shielding myself from the cold wind. “I just called to tell you where I was.”

“Hurry up,” He breathed. “I don’t want you being out there by yourself.” He said, genuinely.

“You’re sweet,” I smiled. “You’re always looking out for me.” I laughed. Even though I made it sound like I was joking, I was dead serious. There was a number of moments, Waverly coming to mind, where he was practically a guardian watching over me. There was a sense of relief knowing that he was always going to be like that.

“You don’t really give me a choice, do you?” He mumbled into the phone.

“That’s the only reason I keep you around,” I joked. “Look, the sooner I fix this the sooner you get to see me.”

“Okay, okay,” He breathed. “I’ll be waiting for you.” He promised.

“Bye, Penn.” I said, hanging up the phone.

As I began working on changing the tire, people that were either walking on the sidewalk or just happened to dive by would stop and ask if I needed any help. Every time I would have to stop what I was doing and politely say I was fine. It was strange to have every person go by asking if I was alright. In Nebraska, if something like this were to happened, usually one person would ask every one hundred people.

Since I’d never been in a situation where I’d needed to change a tire, I had to recall information from a couple years ago. It seemed like it took me about twenty minutes or so to fix and then I was back on the road towards Penner’s house.

I got up to his front door and I would’ve sworn he was waiting there just to let me in because he was there in front of me before I could get two knocks on the door.

“Hi,” He grinned, holding the door open for me. He gently pulled me into his arms and placing a kiss on my cheek. “Your face is freezing.” He laughed, leading me into the kitchen.

“It gets colder here than it does in Nebraska.” I explained, defending my cool skin.

“Well, I’m gunna make you some tea.” He said, taking out mugs from the cabinet.

“Oh, no you don’t have to do that.” I muttered, shaking my head back and forth as I tried stopping him from making a big deal out of the weather.

“Isaac, it’s tea, not a college loan.” He filled up the kettle with water and placed it on the stove to heat up. “So how exactly did you get a flat?” He asked, holding his hand out for me to take. I grabbed onto it and let him lead me into his living room where he sat down on the couch and pulled me down next to him.

“A branch fell on top of my car and swerved to the side of the road.” I shrugged, brushing it off like it was nothing.

“Are you hurt?” He wondered, looking at me with alarm on his face.

“I’m fine.” I said, convincingly.

“Good,” He smiled, leaning forward to brush his lips against mine. “I probably would’ve gone crazy if something were to have happened.”

“You’ve survived this long without me,” I said, noticing his eyes shift to the ground. It was probably a bad idea to joke around about my death—or the death of anyone to be exact. When the kettle began to howl from the kitchen, Penner got up to retrieve it for me although I offered to get it myself.

“Thanks.” I said, taking the cup from his hands. I leaned forward so I wouldn’t spill it all over everything, and blew on it silently to try and cool it down. On my lower back, I could feel Penner brushing his fingers on my exposed skin where my shirt came up. It was an oddly calm feeling, but it also brought butterflies to my stomach. Once I placed the cup on the coffee table in front of me, I looked back at him over my shoulder, noticing his eyes glued to me.

“I can feel you staring at me.” I breathed.

“How could I not?” He mumbled, his hands still on my body. “You’re so beautiful.”

I turned my head forward again to hide my blushing face. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say next. Was I supposed to say thank you and compliment him back? Or would that be too old fashioned? When he sat up so our shoulders were touching, I could tell that he knew I didn’t know what I was doing. I swallowed hard when his eyes gazed into mine.

“I-I uh, I d-don’t—.” I stuttered nervously, adverting my eyes elsewhere. I could see a smile grow on his face, enjoying my nervousness.

“You’re cute,” He muttered, grabbing onto my cheeks to press his lips onto mine. I pressed back onto his, causing our kiss to become more forceful. My hands rested on his hips as our lips moved in sync. Suddenly, Penner pulled apart and stood up in front of me. “As promised, shall we begin our scheduled evening together?”

“Like you even have to ask.” I grinned, going up the stairs first and completely forgetting about the tea Penner made for me.

I plopped down on his bed first, watching as he entered his room shortly after I did. We both decided that it would be best just to turn on Netflix that way we could change what we were watching at any moment. Penner went to shut off the lights and then joined me on his bed. Since Seinfeld wasn’t on Netflix, I chimed in that we could watch _Psych_ , which I thought was funny and entertaining, and he didn’t seem to have a problem with that.

On top of trying to guess who the bad guy was, we would laugh here and there, especially at the parts where Shawn would give his best friend Gus a completely ridiculous name when they were working on a case. Just being around Penner made me feel things I’d never felt before, and that caused me to do things I wouldn’t normally do. I wouldn’t normally blush or stutter, and I especially wouldn’t have an erratic heartbeat every time he looked me in the eye.

Since it was clear that I had an ongoing alcohol problem, I honestly just needed someone to come into my life that really cared about me. Someone that would sit and have long conversations about things that didn’t necessarily matter. Someone that would want to go on late night adventures in search for nothing in particular. I, more than anything needed someone that would be there for me at my lowest points and be genuinely happy for me at my highest.

I turned my head to look at Penner and I could tell that he was happy to be here with me. Penner was that one person I needed. It was obvious to me that I was starting to have urges to drink again, and it sometimes helped when I would write down all the things that caused me to have those urges, or to just honestly talk about anything.

I’d only wrote about Penner once, and that was when I could’ve cared less about staying sober. But then again he was the one I stayed sober for. I figured if I was to take even a sip, I would lose him. I doubt I’d ever tell him that just in case that freaked him out. I didn’t want to put that kind of pressure on him just in case we were to break up and I were to relapse. He’d definitely blame himself for that.

“What?” He grinned when I still hadn’t looked away.

“Nothing.” I said, shaking my head back and forth. I threw my arm over his shoulder, pulling us closer together. He rested his hand on my leg and we sat and watch two more episodes before the growling in his stomach became extremely loud.

“Hey, I haven’t eaten yet.” He defended. The both of us went down to the kitchen together and watched as he drained the water out of the kettle and opened up his fridge. “Let’s see, we have leftover pizza from last night.”

“Hmm, my favorite.” I joked. He stuck his tongue out at me as he set the plate in the microwave.

“Can you get the drinks out of the fridge?” He asked.

“Sure,” I nodded, opening the fridge and noticing something different about what was inside. The last time I was in his fridge it was stocked with at least four different kinds of alcohol, and now there wasn’t even a trace of it. Whether or not he was the one drinking it, it just seemed odd that all of the sudden it would just disappear. “Where’s your alcohol?” I wondered.

He turned from the microwave to look at me, and I couldn’t tell if it was guilt or some other emotion that was on his face. “I just figured it would be best if it wasn’t in the house.” He explained.

“Why?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

“Izzy, I’m sorry,” He apologized. “I didn’t mean for it to make you upset.”

“I’m not upset,” I smiled, making my way over to him so I could crush my arms around him. I rested my chin on his shoulder as I felt him placed his hands on my back. “I just don’t want you to change your life just because of me.”

“Like I said, it’s for the best,” He began. “I mean I’m almost 18 years old and I’ve been drunk more times than I can count. That shouldn’t be alright.”

“You’re starting to sound like me,” I tried laughing, but probably making things worse. I could tell that he was wanting to say something, but I assumed he thought he would make things worse, too. “Thank you for thinking of me.” I muttered, kissing his neck.

“You know I do,” He said. I could feel the vibrations from his throat on my lips as he talked. “We’ve already discussed this while you were off doing some kind of reckless driving.”

“I was doing no such thing.” I gasped, pulling back to see the silent laughter on his face. Without a warning, he pulled my face closer to his so he could attach our lips together. As our lips began moving faster, Penner’s hands began moving lower until the rested an inch below my hips. I tried to keep my breathing under control as they continued to go lower until his hands rested on my butt.

He bent his knees slightly, causing me to bend my head down so our lips stayed connected, and lifted me off the ground and set me on the counter. He grabbed my knees and pulled them apart so he could fit in-between them. I locked my ankles behind his back and tried to pull his even closer, but then the alarm for the microwave began blaring in our ears. The both of us pulled back and Penner stretched his arm to pop open the door to stop the annoying sound.

He rested his forehead against mine and whispered an apology because our moment together was interrupted. The smell of pizza began filling the air and when Penner went to grab plates for the both of us, I hopped down and grabbed a piece for myself. We carried our food back to his room, continuing on with _Psych_ and making small conversation.

I couldn’t help but think back to last night where I was 80% sure Penner lied to me about where he was again. I wanted to bring that up, but I was afraid that I would ruin the fantastic night we were having together. After watching one more episode, we decided to take a break and just sit with each other. Penner was leaning his head on my shoulder and I had a protective arm wrapped around him. He grabbed at my free hand so he could play with my fingers. I felt that since the both of us were calm and relaxed, now would be a good time to bring it up.

“What were you up to last night?” I asked, breathing in the scent of his hair.

“I was with Rebekah, like I usually am.” He said, calmly.

“Oh,” I nodded. I thought about letting the topic go, just because I was worried that I might annoy him with all my repetitive questions, but I cared more about knowing the truth. “Did she have anything interesting to say?”

“No, not really.”

At least he wasn’t lying about that. Rebekah couldn’t have anything interesting to say because he was never with her to begin with. I sucked down a deep breath and cleared my throat before continuing on. “You know, I talked to your sister the other day.”

“Oh yeah?” He muttered.

“Yeah, and she told me that you haven’t talked with her since you got back from New York,” I tried my best not to make it sound like I caught him in his lies, but when he sat up and turned to look at me, the expression on his face was obvious that he felt that way. “I just find it hard to believe that Rebekah would forget every time you two were together.”

“Izzy—.” He started.

“I tell you what’s going on with me,” I interrupted, my temper beginning to rise. “And I want you to do the same.”

“What haven’t I told you?” He wondered.

“You haven’t told me about the therapist you’ve been seeing.” I said, accidentally letting that slip off of my tongue.

He let out a long breath, glancing across the room and then back at me. “How do you know about that?” He asked, softly.

“Nixon saw you yesterday.” I explained.

“I hoped he wouldn’t say anything.”

“Tell me,” I mumbled, my voice becoming gentler as I placed a comforting hand on his back. “Are you okay, I mean are you having—problems with something?” I asked, struggling to find the right words to say. The more I thought about the things that could be wrong with him, the less I found. He seemed perfectly put together to me, unless he was hiding some huge secret like I was at first, I really couldn’t put my finger on it.

I could tell that the wheels in his head were spinning to find some way to say what was on his mind, and it was clear that he’d given up and said whatever it was he needed to. “Isaac, I’ve been having nightmares.”

“Nightmares about what?” I wondered.

“Just something from my past and I’ve gone through this before, but they’re back again.” He explained, shrugging like it was no big deal.

“Why didn’t you tell me this?” I asked.

“Because I’m fine,” He began, looking me in the eye so I would understand. “Because even though I’ve been having these nightmares, having you around has been like the best dream I’ve ever had.”

Even though I was mentally angry with him, something in my heart fluttered with happiness at his words. I consciously leaned in to peck his lips before wrapping my arms loosely around his neck.

“Don’t think that makes up for you lying to my face.” I whispered in his ear, feeling his hands rest on my waist.

“I know it doesn’t,” He nodded. “I should’ve told you to truth from the beginning, but I was scared.”

“Scared of what?” I wondered, pulling back to look at him.

“Scared that you’d constantly worry about me,” He shrugged. “Scared that I wouldn’t be looked at the same, like there was something wrong with me.”

“I constantly worry that people do the same thing to me,” I added. I wasn’t just saying that to make him feel better because it was true. I rarely told anyone about my struggles because I had so many of them, and it was hard to ever get a person to change the way they look at you once they already have their own opinion. “But I just have to trust that they won’t.”

“I can’t just magically hand over trust, ya know? It has to be earned,” He paused, to clear his throat. “That’s probably why I didn’t wanna tell you.”

“You don’t trust me?” I breathed, scrunching my eyebrows together.

“Of course I do,” He convincingly reassured. “I just— I just, God why is this so hard to explain?” He groaned, stuttering with his words.

“Probably because you don’t trust yourself.”

He sat for a while, taking in what I’d just said before tightly pulling me to him, whispering, “I’m sorry, Izzy. For everything.”

“Just tell me next time, yeah?”

“I will, I promise.” He mumbled, burying his head in my chest. I glanced towards the clock in his room and it was nearing midnight. I was starting to become a little tired just because of having to get up early and having to go to school this morning. We agreed on watching a movie called _Nowhere Boy_ , which is about John Lennon as a teenager, and I don’t exactly know when I fell asleep, but I could feel Penner pressed up close to me when I did.

 

 


	13. Saturday, Oct. 13th: First Light Tonight, First Light Tomorrow

(Penner’s P.O.V)

Sometime during the night, Isaac nudged against me, complaining about how hot it was. I suggested that I move to the couch downstairs, but he rejected that and latched onto me despite the heat in the room. It wasn’t until the sun began cracking through the windows that the both of us woke up again. I knew Isaac was up before me because he was playing with the bottom of my shirt. I figured I scared him when his hand jumped back when I reached for it. None of us said anything at first, we just moved our bodies closer together and watched as the room began to grow brighter.

Laying there in the silence had me thinking about the discussion we had the night before. I hoped that he wasn’t still upset that I’d kept a secret from him, that he understood where I was coming from. But when he kept butting his head against my shoulder every now and then, it seemed like he was over it.

“Hi.” I whispered into the silent room.

“Hey,” He breathed, his voice giving off the tone that he was smiling. “I don’t wanna get up.” He huffed, moving his body closer to mine if it was even possible.

“It’s Saturday, we don’t have to,” I pointed out, noticing his sigh of relief. “We can lay here all day together, how does that sound?” I asked, leaning down so our faces were even with each other.

“I’m gunna take you up on that,” He mumbled, looking at me, but not realizing how close I’d gotten. He closed his eyes and then pushed his face into my neck. “I can’t look at you without crossing my eyes.”

“Then don’t look at me.” I said, running my hands under his shirt, feeling his smooth skin under my fingertips.

“I wanna look at you.” He breathed against my neck.

I tightened my grip on his waist, acknowledging what he said. “My baby.” I whispered into his ear, causing him to squirm and laugh under his breath. “What’s so funny?” I wondered.

“Hmm, I like it when you call me that.”

“Call you what?” I asked, pretending I had no idea what he was talking about.

“Your baby.” He muttered. I could feel the warmth from his cheeks against my neck.

“That’s because you are.”

“I’m what?” He breathed, playing the same game I was. pulling his head back to look at me.

“You’re my baby,” I smiled, saying it once more. He pulled his head back to look at me, biting on his lip as he knew made me weak in the knees. I don’t think either of us cared about morning breath at this point, because the both of us eagarley leaned into each other to press our mouths together. “You’re so cute.” I breathed, my lips ghosting over his.

“I’m not cute.” He pouted, pecking me on the lips.

“Yes you are.” I nodded, watching as a grin appeared on his face. Our lips began moving in sync, put instantly separated when someone came barging into my room.

“Rise and shine, sleepy heads.” Rebekah called out.

“What are you doing?” I shouted, covering the both of us up even though we were fully clothed. “Get out!”

“Oh, please it’s nothing I haven’t seen before,” She started, leaning her shoulder against the doorframe. “Are you going to the Mayor’s Birthday Celebration?” She asked, casually.

“Ugh, oh, my God,” I whined, glancing over towards the clock. “8 AM seriously? Do you really have nothing better to do at 8 AM?” I asked somewhat rhetorically. Isaac’s eyes grew wide, but remained pressed into my side.

“Yes or no?”

“Are you going?” I asked, glancing down at Isaac and placing my hand on his arm.

“Only if you were.” He whispered.

“Yes, Rebekah I’m going.” I said, focusing my attention back to my sister.

“Great,” She grinned. “Wear something nice.” She said, closing the door behind her.

“I hate you!” I yelled after her, hearing her laughter from the hall. Isaac and I exchanged looks at each other, smiles coming to our faces once we realized how embarrassing that just was.

“Well now it looks like we have to get up.” Isaac mumbled, sitting up and throwing the covers off him.

“Hmm, not for a while though.” I protested, grabbing at his wrist as he attempted to stand up. “You can just stay for a little longer, yeah?” I said, hopefully.

“I should really get home,” He explained. “I was supposed to tell my parents about that party and I completely forgot to. They’ll be so upset that I told them at the last minute.” I dropped his wrist and watched as he put his shoes on.

“You’ll meet me there later tonight, right?”

“Not unless I meet you there first.” He smiled, walking around the side of the bed to place his lips on mine. When we pulled apart, I reached my hand up to brush his hair down and in return he kissed my cheek.

“Do you want me to walk you out?” I asked, watching as he made his way towards my bedroom door.

“No, no you don’t have to do that,” He said, shaking his head back and forth. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Bye, baby.” I mumbled, noticing how his eyes lightened up at his new nickname. He waved at me once more before closing the door behind him. I threw my head back against my pillow, letting out a deep sigh and curled over onto on Isaac’s side of the bed to allow sleep to take me again.

(Isaac’s P.O.V)

On my drive home, I couldn’t help but horribly sing along to whatever song was on the radio because I had no care in the world. Last night was fantastic and I feel like Penner and I grew closer together—mentally, not physically, even though that was something that also happened.

When I got to my house, there weren’t any cars in the driveway and I couldn’t help but wonder where everyone went. It was almost 9 AM and Nixon wouldn’t even be up yet, so it must just be my brother home alone. I went inside to find Trey in his usual position, on his stomach too close to the TV while he watched whatever random cartoon they had nowadays.

He snapped his attention over at me and then a large grin on his face appeared, keeping his eyes on me and I moved closer to him. At first I thought the black mark on my brother’s face was just a shadow, but then when I sat down next to him, it was obvious it was something else.

“Trey what happened to your face?” I asked, grabbing his chin so I could get a better look at it.

“It was the boys at school,” He started. “They don’t like it when I talk to Matt.”

“Have you told your teacher about this?” I wondered, dropping his face.

“No, they would just call me a tattle tale.” He mumbled, looking at the ground. I huffed at how sad my brother was becoming, I mean one simple mistake like kissing his friend is going to make him an outcast for the rest of his life. He didn’t want to do sports anymore because of it, and it was only a matter of time before he didn’t want to go to school anymore.

“Look Trey,” I said, laying down on my stomach so we were at the same level. “Those boys—those boys are chickens and if you stand up to them just one time, they won’t bother you anymore.” I explained, trying to give him a bit of advice. I honestly had no idea if what I was saying was true, but it couldn’t hurt to give him a little bit of hope.

“You sure?”

“Positive,” I said, confidently. “Do you know where Mom and Dad are?”

“They went somewhere with Kitty.” He said, directing his attention back to the TV.

“Is Nixon upstairs?” I asked, watching as he nodded and paid no attention as I got up from next to him go make my way upstairs. “Hey.” I muttered, when I realized he was still asleep.

“What?” He groaned.

“Where’d Mom and Dad go?” I asked.

“They took Katherine to the park or something.” He said, flipping over so he was facing away from the door.

“Do you know when they’ll be back?”

“Nope,” I learned that talking with my brother when he’s half-awake was pointless, so when I made a moved to close his door again, he asked me a question. “Are you going to that party at the Mayor’s house?”

“How do you know about that?” I wondered.

“Is that a serious question?” He asked, but I didn’t answer. When there was silence, he huffed and sat up so squint at me. “Hannah told me about it.”

“Are you going?”

“Probably.”

“I doubt Mom and Dad will let you.” I said, crossing my arms.

“We’ll just have to see,” He shrugged. “Can you get out now?” He said, glaring at me until I shut his door and headed back downstairs.

“Trey, have you eaten anything?” I asked.

“Yeah, before they left.” He explained.

“Okay,” I nodded. “Are you gunna be okay down her by yourself?”

“Yes, Izzy.” He sighed, looking at me like he was old enough to look after himself.

“Fine,” I said, holding my hands up in defense. “I’m going to my room.” I informed, making my way up there. The first thing I did was shower because that was something that desperately needed to be done. I also brushed my teeth for what felt like ten minutes just because that also seriously needed to be done. Then I looked through my closet for something to wear to the party tonight. Even though this wasn’t something I was looking forward to, I’d take any reason to be around Penner I can get.

(Rebekah’s P.O.V)

The Birthday Celebration was getting closer and closer by the minute, and when I thought that showing up ten minutes early would be a bad idea since I didn’t want to have to hear Penner’s whining the whole time about how there wasn’t anyone here, I was proven wrong. By the looks of things, I felt like we were the last ones the show up. I glanced all around to see if I’d gotten the time wrong, but people still filed in behind us.

“Oh God!” My brother groaned when most of the eyes in the room landed on him. I was used to people coming up to me and asking about my brother because he was in a band, but it wasn’t anywhere near how bad he got it. “I shouldn’t be here.”

“Come on,” I encouraged, placing a hand on his back to try and push him further throughout the house. I quickly scanned the room for my parents who said they’d be here, but I didn’t tell Penner since I knew he’d change his mind about going. “Don’t be a downer, everyone loves a good party. It would be rude to skip it.”

“I really liked you a whole lot better when you hated going to stuff like this.”

“Oh I still do, I just love that they love me,” I nodded, noticing all the people smiling at us. A lot of people I recognized, but had no intention of talking to. The one person I was searching for was yet to be found, and I did something stupid to my brother that I knew he would make me pay him back for. “I’m gunna find Zach.” I muttered, ditching him and hearing him threaten me behind my back.

I looked through at least two rooms, one of them more than once, until I found him. And naturally, he was talking with the one person I wanted to avoid the most.

“The cursed faculty position.” Harper said, when I came up to the side of Zach.

“So I've been told,” Zach smiled, focusing his attention on me. “Hey there you are.”

“I see you’ve found—.”

“Harper Moseley.” She said, cutting me off, trying to draw Zach’s attention back to her.

“Moseley, as in, Morgan?”

“She's my little sister.” Harper nodded.

“I hear she's very bright, not that I've had a chance to see for myself she didn’t sign up for history this year,” I couldn’t help but glare at Harper the whole time Zach talked, and when he noticed he tried to drag out the conversation. “You, uh—you live here your whole life?”

“On and off,” She nodded. “I’ve traveled a bit.” She explained.

“Really, where?” Zach asked, but Harper gave him a look as if she was offended by his questions. “I'm sorry. I'm nosy. I don't mean to snoop.” Zach apologized.

“Rebekah, I heard about what happened at the daycare,” Harper said, changing the subject so it focused on someone else. “I hope everything’s okay now.” It was obvious that she was trying to be sincere, but I couldn’t believe a word she was saying.

“Everything’s great,” I said, forcing a smile on my face. “Zach, would you like to get a drink with me?” I wondered, trying to walk away from the conversation.

“Yeah, sure.” He nodded.

“I hope you have a nice time, Harper.” I said, letting Zach follow after me.

“It was nice meeting you.” I heard him say from behind me. “What was that all about?” He wondered, when we reached the table of drinks.

“Harper and I don’t exactly get along like we used to,” I explained, taking a drink of whatever it was the guy handed me. Wine, wonderful. “Why were you talking with her?” I wondered.

“I was waiting for you to show up and she came up to me and started talking.” He said, defending himself in case he thought he was in trouble. “She didn’t seem like that bad of a person.”

“I try to steer clear of her at all times.”

“I thought you guys were friends in high school?”

“Yeah, that was before my boyfriend cheated on me with her.” I explained, reminiscing back to junior year.

“Well it looks like you’ve made up to me” He shrugged. “Who was the cheater anyway?”

“Ian Michaels.” I muttered, gritting my teeth just trying to say his name. If there was anything I realized after Harper got back in town, it was that she was never going to change. She still acted the way she did when she was a teenager, and it seemed impossible for her to become something else.

“Wait, the crazy dude that followed you around?” He asked, shock in his voice. “The guy that beat me up in the streets last month?”

“He wasn’t crazy in high school,” I defended. It was true, I mean Ian was a quiet kid who was a part of the drum line. It seems to me that the people you once knew in high school either drastically change or don’t change at all. And neither seem to be for the better.

(Penner’s P.O.V)

After Rebekah ditched me to go find my history teacher, which by the way was still something I was getting used to, I was forced to stand alone and awkwardly smile at all the people that made eye contact with me. I tried to be as polite as possible considering that I was probably being photographed at any moment. If one bad picture of me was being taken and leaked online, my management would call and yell at me for being a dick to someone. But being back at home didn’t have me constantly worrying about that since I was considered ‘normal’ here.

When a face I knew passed by me, I instantly grabbed onto his arm. “Nixon, where’s Isaac?” I wondered.

“Trying to win Dancing with the Stars,” He mumbled, pointing out to the crowd of people dancing. Isaac was spontaneously spinning with Morgan who looked like she was about to throw up. “I mean, one drink and he’s already off his rocker.”

“A drink?” I gasped, my eyes going wide. “You let him have a drink?”

“They don’t give alcohol to minors in a room full of adults, relax,” He started. “I don’t know what’s going on with him, but I like it.” He laughed.

“You don’t find this strange?” I said, gesturing to Isaac.

“Obviously it’s strange.”

“Has he been acting different to you?” I asked.

“No different than usual.” He shrugged.

“I’m being serious.”

“I don’t know, we don’t trade unicorn stickers and gossip like normal siblings.” He muttered, sarcastically.

“Can you stop being arrogant for five seconds and help me?” I asked, licking my lips.

“Fine,” Nixon said, looking back at his brother, and then back at me. “He’s struggling. I suspected it earlier but now I know I was right.”

“Struggling with what?” I wondered, scared of the answer.

“His problem,” He began. “Something in Waverly must’ve made it worse and he’s trying handle it on his own but clearly he’s failing.”

“His alcohol problem?” I asked, watching as Nixon nodded. “He’s gunna relapse or something?”

“Hopefully not.” He muttered, turning to walk away, but I caught him by the arm before he could wander off too far.

“That’s it?” I snarled. “You’re not gunna tell me what to do to help him?”

“Well make sure you keep any eye on him,” He nodded with his lips pushed out. “Oh and don’t forget fruit snacks either. He gets a bit annoying without them.

I sucked down a deep breathed when I realized that Nixon was suggesting that I treat Isaac like a child. “How can you stand there and act like you don’t care?” I began. “How is that possible not to feel anything?”

“All it takes it a little practice.” He whispered, slipping out of my grasp and disappearing in the crowd. When I turned back to check on Isaac, he instantly spotted me and weaved through the people to get to me.

“I found you.” He smiled, kissing me in front of everyone. I know that we’ve never really talked about our limits with PDA, but it was something that we usually never did. I didn’t object to it, but it just caught me off guard.

“You found me,” I agreed, noticing the red on his cheeks. “How are you feeling?” I asked.

“I’m fine.” He nodded, his smile still on his face.

“Yeah?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He wondered, raising an eyebrow.

“You seem to be having a bit more fun than usual.” I shrugged, trying to play off my curiosity with basic responses.

“What’s so bad about that?”

“Nothing, nothing.” I said, shaking my head back and forth.

“Come dance with me.” He grinned, pulling on my hand towards the dance floor.

“Isaac I don’t—.” I protested.

“Oh, come on.” He muttered, grabbing onto my waist as we began to sway back and forth. Something in me liked this Isaac, but another part of me was scared of him. I was scared of what was to come.

(Grayson’s P.O.V)

Across the room, I spotted my oldest sister talking with the bartender, more than likely trying to bribe him to give her something stronger to drink. When the guy’s head shook back and forth she stormed off towards me. She poured whatever it was that was in here cup out the window and looked around to see if anyone noticed.

“I saw that.” I said, making her jump.

“We'll keep that between you and me,” She smiled. “Where is the bathroom?” She wondered.

“This way, I'll show you.” I said, knowing every room in this house since I’m over here all the time with Hannah.

“Is that soda?” She asked, ripping the cup from my hand. At first I was scared that she would yell at me for drinking in front of everyone, but then I remembered that she wasn’t Morgan and Harper would let me get away with anything. “Vodka, thank God!” She cheered, following me up the steps to the restroom. She confessed to me that she didn’t really need to go to the bathroom, she just wanted to snoop around to see if she could find something else to drink. When I offered her my stash, she gladly accepted and the both of us took the party outside.

“I can’t even walk!” I exclaimed when we tried to go back inside once the cold was becoming too much to handle.

“I know, me neither,” She agreed. “Morgan is going to kill me.” She muttered.

“She won’t even notice.” I smiled, handing over the almost empty bottle to my sister who took one last gulp and wiped her face before bravely going back to the party.

(Morgan’s P.O.V)

I couldn’t remember the last time I danced this much without having a care in the world of what other people thought. It was probably all thanks to joining Drama Club and helping me get out of my shell. I was still keeping that secret from Jai, and that’s probably why he was looking at me so funny. He wasn’t used to seeing me behave like this.

“Who knew I’ve been missing all the fun at adult parties?” I laughed.

“This is rare, believe me.” He added.

“Is it bad that I’m enjoying myself?”

“No, it’s great that you are enjoying yourself,” He said, honestly. “Thanks for making me dance.”

“Come with me to get some air, will you?” I asked, catching his attention.

“Sure.” He nodded. As soon as he grabbed for my hand, Penner came up to us with a hint of worry on his face.

“You haven’t seen Isaac have you?” He breathed.

“No, not in a while.” I said, noticing as Penner left without another word.

“Oh my God.” Jai breathed. I followed his eyes as they landed on my sister and Dean making out in a corner.

“What the hell are you doing?” I exclaimed. Normally, I wouldn’t be so upset about this, but since Carly told me about how she and Dean were getting closer, it sparked a nerve inside of me.

“Morgan?” Harper wondered, pulling away from Dean.

“Harper!”

Out of nowhere, Jai grabbed onto the collar of Dean’s shirt and threw him against the wall. It was obvious that he and my sister were both drunk because their words were slurred and they thought that most of the things that were happening were hilarious. “Whoa, dude calm down.” Dean smiled.

I don’t know what happened next, but I blinked and Jai and Dean were throwing punched at each other, causing everyone around us to turn and watch. “Jai, stop it!” I said, trying to break it up. “Stop it, you're hurting him! Somebody help us.” I muttered, panic filling my voice. To my left, Mr. Reed pushed through the crowd and pulled Jai off of Dean, bringing him to his feet.

“I’ll take it from here, I’ll take it from here.” Mayor Barker said, finally making an appearance at his own party. He pushed Mr. Reed out of the way to pat his son on the shoulder.

“Thank you.” I muttered to the teacher. He simply gave me a nod and back away from the scene.

“Are you hurt?” The Mayor asked, noticing the blood dripping down Jai’s face. I didn’t see what happened to Dean, but when I turned to back to look at him, he was gone. “Go get cleaned up.” He said.

I grabbed a handful of napkins from the table next to me and dabbed at Jai’s bleeding face. “Put your head up.” I mumbled.

“Everything’s fine,” The Mayor said towards the crowd of people, reassuring them that there was nothing to worry about. “Come on everybody let’s get back to the party let’s go. Come on, have a good time!”

“Are you okay?” I asked, noticing Jai wince as touched the cut on his eyebrow.

“Where is he?” He wondered.

“I don’t know.” I breathed.

“I’ll take it from here, Morgan,” Jai’s father said, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Thank you.”

“I’ll find you later.” I promised.

“Let’s go.” The Mayor growled, grabbing onto Jai’s shirt.

“Dad, I’m sorry, I don’t even know what happened,” I heard him mutter as his father dragged him into the closest room. I sneaked up behind them to lean against the wall so I would be out of sight. “I was— I lost control. I can’t explain it.”

For a while there was silence, but then I heard skin on skin contact that made my eyes widen in fear. “That is the last time you ever embarrass this family.” I heard Jai’s father mumble. I quickly left the scene and pretended like I saw and heard nothing. I scanned the house once and found that Harper was no longer here. I huffed to myself and looked for my jacket in the coat room and then proceeded to make my way home.

When I got there, I pulled out my phone and I realized that I didn’t set my phone to vibrate this whole time. I’d recently missed a call from Jai and I put the phone to my ear to listen to the voicemail.

“Morgan, it's me. I thought you were coming back to meet me. Look, I need to talk to you, and umm, t's important.”

Halfway through his message I could feel a single tear roll down my cheek as I knew what he wanted to talk about. I thought about calling him back that second, but I don’t think I was emotionally stable enough to do that just yet.

(Penner’s P.O.V)

After the party, Zach helped me get Rebekah back to my place and I was thankful for that. I wasn’t happy about her whining about how crappy she was feeling or about how she thought the room was spinning. In case she didn’t notice, that’s what happens when you get drunk.

“I’m not feeling so good.” My sister mumbled, allowing me to take her shoes off and throw a blanket over her as she lay down in bed.

“I’d be surprised if you did.” I muttered, sitting down next to her.

“I’m gunna go to bed.” She said.

“Are you okay?” I wondered.

“Fine.” She breathed, closing her eyes.

“Are you sure?” I asked once again.

“I’m fine Penner.” She said, waving me off. I patted at her arm and then proceed to turn her lights off and close her door. I knew it was nearing midnight and I honestly wanted some sleep as well. After dancing with Isaac and then having him spontaneously disappear made me exhausted, but Nixon tried to reassure me that he probably just went home. I, on the other hand, thought of things much worse than that.

I opened the door to my room and reached for the light switch, turning it on and almost having a heart attack.

“Oh my God you scared me!” I exclaimed.

“Sorry,” Isaac mumbled from his spot on my bed. I made my way over to him, his hyperness obviously disappearing and being replaced with a deadpan expression. “I’m sorry that I ran off earlier.” He apologized.

“What happened, is everything okay?” I asked, trying to get a better look at his face.

“Uh, no.” He breathed, shaking his head back and forth.

“Talk to me,” I said, kneeling down in front of him. “Isaac, tell me.”

“I tried so hard to keep it together tonight and it was working,” He started, his breathing starting to quicken. “It was working but then Morgan’s brother, he had soda—I thought it was soda and—and it wasn’t—it wasn’t soda.” He stuttered, wiping his hands on his pants.

“And then what happened?” I gulped, one of my worst nightmares becoming a reality. Isaac had taken a drink without even knowing it, without even having a choice in the matter. Just thinking of that made my insides hurt.

“Penner, my head is pounding,” He whimpered. “I feel like my skin is on fire, I have this hunger inside of me that I’ve never felt in such a long time and all I keep thinking about is how we promised that we would never keep anything from each other, and so I’m telling you this—.”

“That’s okay,” I nodded, feeling completely helpless. I couldn’t think of anything that would make him feel any better since I had no experiences with anything like this before. “I need you to tell me these things.” I whispered, taking his sweating hands in my own.

“But I don’t want you to see me like this,” He said, tears forming in his eyes as he shook his head back and forth. “I don’t want you to know that this side of me exists.”

“Isaac, you’re gunna get through this,” I promised, taking his face between my hands so he would look at me. “I’m gunna help you stay calm. It’s gunna be okay, you’re gunna be okay.”

“No, no, no, no, no,” He pushed my hands away and stood up to begin pacing back and forth across my room. “I'm sorry, I can’t.”

“Don’t shut me out,” I breathed, going over to him to reach for his face again, this time he allowed me to do it, but rejected any kind of eye contact. “Izzy, don’t hide from me.”

I pulled him tight against my chest and heard him whimper out my name. I tried my best to try and not let him know that I was scared of what was happening, and hopefully I convinced him that I wasn’t. I know I convinced myself I wasn’t because it was replaced with fear. And fear is ten times worse than being scared.

 


	14. Sunday, Oct. 14th: I Could Be Your New Addiction

(Penner’s P.O.V)

It felt nice to be able to wake up whenever I wanted. That I didn’t have any responsibilities or plans that I had to attend to. All I had to do today was be extremely lazy and make pointless conversation with Isaac who was lying next to me. At least I thought he was lying next to me, because when I turned my head to look at his face, there was no one there.

I immediately sat up and scanned the room to see if he was just stretching his legs or something, but I was the only one in my room. I started to panic, because of the condition he was in last night didn’t make me feel like he was stable condition. I felt my breathing to begin evening out when I heard rattling coming from downstairs. I hopped out of bed and strolled into the kitchen, mentally preparing to put my worries to rest.

“Isaac?” I started, but found that it was my history teacher digging through my cabinets. “Hey.” I greeted.

“Hey.” Zach smiled.

“Have you seen Isaac?” I wondered, the muscles in my shoulders beginning to tighten.

“Uh, no I just got here.” He explained, the both of our heads turning when my sister came around the corner.

“Hi.” Rebekah said, reaching for the coffee pot.

“Hey, where's Isaac?” I asked, getting straight to the point.

“He was here last night?” She mumbled, raising an eyebrow at me.

“Oh, that’s right,” I began, a grin appearing on my face. “You were incredibly drunk when I brought you home last night.”

“No judgments,” She glared, pointing a finger at me and popping a few aspirins in her mouth. “I’ll catch you later, I’ve got things to do.” She said, setting her cup down on the counter and leading Mr. Reed from the kitchen.

“It’s Sunday, where do you have to be?” I wondered, following after them.

“Zach is helping me clear out all of my junk at my apartment,” She explained, throwing her coat on. “I told you this a few days ago remember?”

“Right,” I nodded. Of course I remembered, I mean that’s the excuse I told Isaac when I was at Mrs. Stark’s office. “Yeah I know.”

“See ya.” She waved, closing the door behind her. I took a deep breath, trying to come up with any possible reason that Isaac would leave without telling me. Obviously, the first thing that came to mind was that he was off relapsing of something like that—actually that was my only thought. I ran up to my room to rip my cell phone from the charger and dialed his number as fast as I could.

It rang about five times before going to voicemail. Well, that wasn’t a good sign.

“Hey, it's me,” I said, trying to sound as calm as possible. “Where are you? Call me as soon as you get this.” I quickly tried to think of what to do next. If something bad were to happen to him, then it would be completely my fault because I was supposed to look out for him. I was supposed to make sure this kinda thing didn’t happen.

Instead of freaking even more, I called the one person who I knew could at least help me in some kind of way. “Who are you and why do you have my number?” He answered.

“Nixon, is Isaac there?” I breathed, not even clarifying who it was he was talking to.

“Oh, it’s you,” He huffed, already growing annoyed with me. “Look, Isaac’s got to let me know if I’m supposed to cover for him. Mom’s cool with the two of you, but you guys are pushing it.” He muttered into the phone.

“Listen to me,” I said, trying to sound serious. “Is Isaac there with you?”

“No, everyone thinks he’s with you,” He paused. “Isn’t he?”

I gulped, hoping he couldn’t hear it through the phone. “I don’t know where he is.” I mumbled, mentally slapping myself in the face.

“Wait—,” He laughed, waiting for me to tell him that I was joking. “He didn’t stay at your place last night?”

“No,” I spit out, but immediately backtracked. “I mean he stayed with me, but when I got up he was gone.”

I heard ruffling on the other line of the phone before he said something. “His bed hasn’t been slept in and his car’s not here. Where is he then?” He wondered.

“I don’t know, that’s why I called you,” I huffed, dragging my fingers through my hair. “Can you come over?”

“I’m a little—,” He paused, looking for the right word. “Detained, if you haven’t noticed.”

“Tell them you’re going to my house and I’m gunna help you with math or something.” I pitched, trying to get something accomplished. The longer we sat talking about how neither of us knew where Isaac was, the more likely we weren’t going to find him.

“Give me your address.” He muttered. I babbled into the phone, telling him what my place looked like. He said he would try and be there in about a half hour, but it seemed longer than that before he showed up. I tried calling Isaac about every three minutes, but they went straight to voicemail. I didn’t feel like eating or drinking anything because every part of my body was too busy wondering where Isaac was and what he could possibly be doing.

I caught myself chewing on my finger when the doorbell rang. I quickly made my way to the door and it was Nixon who was standing in front of me. His Mom was parked along the street, looking to see if he was telling the truth about where he was going. I allowed the kid to come inside and waved at his mother as I closed the door behind me.

“So, how does it feel to lose your boyfriend?” He mumbled, plopping down on my couch.

“Look, enough with the tough guy act, alright?” I said, startling him. I swallowed a deep breath and sat down next to him when the clock on the mantel chimed 11 AM. I was beginning to grow more and more irritated that the day was passing by and I wasn’t out there doing something to find him.

“How was he acting before he disappeared?” Nixon asked.

“He was really shaky,” I began, thinking back to last night. “He was saying how anxious he was feeling. I mean, I’ve never seen him like that before.”

“How did he even get a drink?” He wondered, raising an eyebrow at me.

“He said he thought the bottle Morgan’s brother had was soda.” I mumbled, shrugging my shoulders.

“Well, that’s Grayson for ya.” Isaac’s brother said under his breath.

“How long is it gunna take before he goes back to normal?” I wondered, hoping Nixon could answer all the things I didn’t understand.

“A couple days,” He shrugged. “Give or take.”

“It’s been a couple days.” I said. My phone in my pocket began vibrating and I pulled it out to see who it was. Surprisingly, it was Isaac’s name that flashed on the screen. I immediately answered it.

“Hey, Isaac.” I greeted.

“I’m fine, really.” He breathed in the phone.

“Why don’t you tell me where you are?” I began, trying to make my voice gentler. “That way I can come get you.”

“You don’t have to do that,” He said. “I’m alone and that’s a good thing.”

“Izzy, don’t—.” I started, but the line went dead. I ended the call and threw the phone down on the couch.

“Did he just hang up on you?” Nixon asked.

“He did.”

“He's lost it.”

“So we need to find him.” I said, standing up and going towards the door.

“No,” Nixon started. “You need to back off.”

“What?” I muttered, scrunching my eyebrows together. “What good is that gunna do?”

“Look, I don't like this any more than you do,” He paused. “We gotta just let him do his own thing.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” I said, not caring if I was being rude. “If someone has a problem you don’t let them suffer through it alone. You have to be there for them, you have to believe in them.” I couldn’t help but speak from experience. I wanted to give Isaac what I know my parents never gave me when I was going through the Tyson thing.

I watched as Nixon’s shoulders sagged, letting out a deep breath and grabbing at his jacket that he hung up on the rack. “I guess that makes sense.” He mumbled.

“Okay, let’s go.” I nodded, locking the door behind the both of us. I suggested that we go on foot that way it’ll be easier to sneak up on him just in case we needed to, but Nixon pointed out that if we were to find him, he might not want to come willingly. And by that he meant we might have to drag Isaac from wherever he was and there was no way the both of us could carry him.

The both of us jumped into my car and began driving around town. “Where do you think he’d be?”

“I’m not sure I’ve said this, but I don’t know.” I muttered, trying to look for Isaac, but also trying not to kill us both.

“The Diner?”

“No, he said he was alone,” I paused, biting on my lip to think. “He wouldn’t be in a public place.”

“Well, I’m not gunna be of too much help since I just moved here,” Nixon breathed. “So it looks like you’re gunna have to take the reins on this one.”

“This is the first time I’ve been back in two years,” I started, trying to think of any place Isaac could be, but coming up short. “I don’t exactly remember everything like I used to.”

The both of us sat in silence, hopelessly shouting out ideas of where he’d be. “Have you taken him anywhere— private?” Nixon whispered, obviously embarrassed to say that out loud.

“No, I don’t—,” And then it clicked in my head. I took him to a place that only I knew about, a place that everyone thought didn’t exist anymore. “The boatyard.” I muttered under my breath.

“Isaac’s on a boat?”

“It’s the best guess I’ve got.” I said, doing many illegal things to get to the ocean faster.

“Look at the both of us,” Nixon began, a smile growing on his face. “Doing a rescue mission together.”

“Well, Isaac trusts me to look after him,” I swallowed. “Just like I trust him to look after me.”

I could see Nixon roll his eyes to that, but it was true. Even though I haven’t told him everything about my past, I was completely honest with him about everything else. “There was a time when I trusted him more than anyone.” Nixon mumbled, looking out the window.

“Trust breeds trust,” I said. “You have to give it to get it.”

“Are you lecturing me?” He wondered, turning to face me.

“Do you need to be lectured?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. When I felt the phone in my pocket vibrate once again, I pulled over alongside a curb and strangely, it was Isaac’s mother who was calling.

“Hello?” I answered, trying to sound as cheerful as possible.

“Hey, Penner,” She greeted. “It's Marsha, Isaac’s mom.”

“Mrs. Baldwin, hey.” I said, getting a surprised reaction from Nixon.

“Where's Isaac?” She wondered. “He’s not answering his phone.”

“Ah,” I said, getting tongue-tied. “Isaac's uh— Isaac’s not here at the moment.”

“What's going on?” She said, getting out her mom voice that I knew all too well.

“It's really hard to explain over the phone—.”

“Hey, Mom,” Nixon said, ripping the phone from my hand. “Everything’s fine, we’re just taking a bit of a break.” There was mumbled chattering on the other end of the line and then Nixon started again. “Yeah, Isaac’s helping with math, ya see, because it’s kinda like a scavenger hunt, yeah. Every problem I get right the- I get a clue that uh—gives me a location and Isaac is waiting at the end with $50.”

“What?” I whispered, watching as he waved me off.

“Yeah, I’m actually learning so much,” He shrugged. “Look, I gotta get back to that learning stuff, so I’ll see ya later.” Nixon ended, handing me back my phone.

“You can’t really think she bought that.” I said.

“Oh, she did,” Nixon nodded. “My Mom’s extremely gullible.” He explained.

“You know you’re not getting $50, right?” I mumbled, raising an eyebrow at him. He only grinned at me. It wasn’t long before we reached the boatyard. I went over with Nixon which on I thought he was on and which way was easiest to get on it.

We hopped on board, scanning the top deck first, but finding nothing. I led the both of us below deck, noticing an open door to my right. Since I didn’t want to scare him, I knocked on the metal door and looked inside. There was Isaac sitting on the floor with his back against the wall and his head buried in his knees that were pulled to his chest.

“Isaac?” I said, catching his attention.

“So much for being alone.” He muttered, throwing his head back against the metal.

“I’m so happy I found you.” I made a move to wrap myself around him, but Nixon grabbed onto my shoulder, shaking his head back and forth. I gave him a confused look, but his expression made it seem like it was for the better that I keep my distance.

“Is that so?” He seemed like he was back to his old self, except for the part where he was curled up at the bottom of my grandfather’s boat because of his craving for alcohol.

“What are you doing here?” I whispered, sitting down next to him, keeping a few inches between our bodies. “Isaac?”

“I don’t know,” He shrugged. “I just went to clear my head and I kinda found myself here.” If there was something different about Isaac, something noticeable, it was the way he talked. It was almost childish the way his voice was raised in pitch.

“Well, are you okay?” I asked, still getting no response. “I-I’ve been worried about you.” I stuttered.

For the first time since Nixon and I arrived, I finally got eye contact. His eyes looked like they were glazed over and when something in his head clicked that it was me sitting in front of him, there seemed to be a hint of light breaking through. “Hey.” He smiled, shifting into a more comfortable position.

“Hey,” I said, allowing him to grab my hand. “Isaac, look at me. Are you okay?

“I’m fine.” His voice was back to normal now, and I found it strange that one sip of alcohol was causing Isaac’s personality to drastically change.

“You sure?” I asked for clarification. “I mean you seemed pretty upset last night—.”

“Let me do it,” Nixon said, pushing me aside. To be honest, I felt like the way I was handling things was getting through to Isaac, but I guess Nixon didn’t see it that way. “C’mon Isaac, we’re gunna go home.”

“I don’t want to.” Isaac pouted, dropping my hand to curl in on himself tighter. If Nixon could’ve waited just ten more seconds I could’ve gotten Isaac outta here without a struggle. Although Isaac is my boyfriend, Nixon is his brother, and is higher on the scale of forcing Isaac to do something. But the only thing I was forced to do was sit and watch as the brothers argued back and forth.

“Yes you do,” Nixon nodded, grabbing at Isaac’s wrist to try and pull him off the ground. “Let’s go.”

“Nixon, stop.” I whispered, but I doubt any of my words were going to make a difference. I didn’t like the fact that Nixon was being rough with him, but I didn’t know what was going to get through to Isaac, and maybe force was going to be the only option.

“Can you for one minute actually believe that I’m trying to help you?” Nixon wondered, raising his voice.

“I don’t need your help.”

“You don’t need my—are you kidding me?” He stuttered. “Do you remember what happened last time you said that?” Nixon mumbled, waiting for an answer. When Isaac didn’t respond, his brother dropped his wrist and took a few steps back.

“Hey, you gotta relax.” I said, focusing all my attention on Nixon.

“Isaac’s a problem,” He scoffed. “All I’m trying to do it help.”

“In my experience,” Isaac said, catching the attention of the both of us. “There isn’t any problem that can’t be solved by getting really, really drunk.”

“You see what I’m talking about,” Nixon said, pointing at his brother. “C’mon, we need to go home and talk.” Once Nixon made a move towards his brother, I placed a hand on his shoulder this time. I knew I could get through to Isaac better because I was being kind and gentle. That’s all anyone wants when they feel like they’ve been shrunken down in size.

“Izzy,” I whispered, taking both of his hands in my own. “Let’s go home, yeah?”

“I need it Penn,” He said, saying it with so much force it was causing his hands to begin to shake. “I have to have it.”

“No you don’t, you’re going to get through this,” I mumbled, repeating what I said last night. I kneeled down to his level so we were face to face. “I’m here with you, your brother is here. I’m not gunna let you be alone.”

“Penner,” He whimpered, his face turning to sadness. “Please don’t get tired of me.”

“I couldn’t possibly—.”

“It happens every time,” Isaac interrupted, clearly on the verge of tears. “People lose interest in me. I wonder if it’s my fault sometimes, but then I realize that people never stay in my life, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

As he finished his sentence there were slow rolling tears on his face. “Isaac listen, I’m right here,” I said, taking his face in my hands. “We’re gunna go home and I’m gunna be there, sitting right next to you.” I promised. I gradually helped him to his feet and handed off my keys to Nixon who went to unlock my car. I opened the back door for Isaac who crawled in and laid on his side the whole ride back to his house.

When we pulled into the driveway it was nearly 2 PM. Nixon and I got out of the car first, but Isaac didn’t make any sign of movement to follow us. “What are we gunna do with him?” Nixon wondered.

“I think right now we just need to tell the truth.” I swallowed.

“Great,” Nixon huffed. “Mom will be so happy when she finds out we’ve lied to her yet again.”

“We lied to keep him safe,” I started. “He was better off being helped with just to two of us then being bombarded by five other people.”

“Well I hope you have that same spirit when she starts yelling at the both of us.”

Nixon helped me walk Isaac through the front door. When we got inside, their parents and younger siblings were all sitting in the living room together, playing a few games by the looks of it. Both parents shot out of their seats, but it was his mother that came over and took Isaac in her embrace. She must’ve been able to tell the difference between stable and unstable Isaac because she ripped a blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around his shoulders.

Without a word, she took him up the stairs and I was confused on what was happening after that. “Where is she taking him?” I asked, knowing that his room was above the garage.

“Usually when he gets like this, Mom takes him to a quiet space where he can write about everything he’s feeling,” Nixon explained. Their Dad took Trey and Katherine upstairs, too, probably taking them to their rooms. “His old counselor thought writing it down would help him. It’s worked in the past.” Unfortunately, I knew all about Isaac and his journal. Mrs. Baldwin thought it was a good idea to show it to me behind Isaac’s back and ever since then I’ve felt like crap about it.

A few moments later, Mrs. Baldwin came back downstairs and gestured towards the kitchen. I followed after Nixon, a little afraid of what was going to happen. The three of us sat around the table in silence, but when each of us made a move to talk, Nixon and I silently agreed to let Marsha go first.

“What in God’s name happened to him?” She asked, her eyes growing wild with many emotions.

“Everything that has happened has been a complete and total accident.” Nixon said, trying to defend himself right off the bat.

Mrs. Baldwin looked to me since Nixon exactly the most trustful person in their family at the moment. I explained everything that happened since last night when Isaac was in my room until the part where we were walking through the front door of the Baldwin house. She added her own commentary throughout the story, but it was usually just about how pissed off she was about being left in the dark. I swore that I was telling the truth in case she didn’t believe anything I said.

“Okay,” She began. “What needs to happen is patience. He’ll need some time to recover, but just go about yourselves as if nothing is different.”

“I’ll give him whatever he needs.” I promised.

“Don’t make him feel like there’s something wrong,” She began. “He wanted me to tell you that he didn’t want you to leave.”

“I’ll stay,” I said. “That is if you allow it.” I added.

“Just this once.” She smiled. For some reason, I felt as if a large amount of weight was lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t have to worry about everything I did because Isaac was now with someone who knew how to handle stuff like this. I took a sigh of relief just thinking about it. A few minutes later, Trey came down the stairs and over to me, wondering if I wanted to play Monopoly with him. Nixon and Mrs. Baldwin said that they’d both like to play, so we set the board up and all played at the table.

About halfway through the game, footsteps could be heard coming down the stairs. At first, I thought it was Mr. Baldwin or Katherine, but when Isaac stepped into the kitchen we all turned our gaze toward him.

“Penner.” He grinned. He looked one hundred times better than he did when Nixon and I found him.

“Hey, baby,” I smiled, using the nickname I’d recently learned he loved. “Do you wanna play?”

“Umm, no,” He walked over towards me, holding his hand out to me. “Come with me.”

I gently grabbed hold, looking back at his family sitting at the table. “Don’t steal any of my properties,” I called over my shoulder. He led me up the stairs and to the left where only one door was waiting down the hall. “Where are we going?” I wondered.

“I want to be alone.” He mumbled, pulling me in through the door. I quickly realized that we were in his parent’s bedroom and for some reason started to feel uncomfortable. Maybe it was the fact that his Dad hated me that gave off a weird vibe in here.

“Hmm, what for?”

He walked over to the desk that sat near the window and picked up a black book and carried it back to me. “I want you to read this.”

“Isaac,” I breathed, recognizing the book he was trying to give me. “Are you sure?”

“I think I’ll feel better knowing that someone understands what’s going on in my head.”

“I’m not sure I—.”

“Please?” He said, pushing the familiar book into my hands. I swallowed hard and went to sit down on the edge of the bed. I began to read the words on the page.

_I have a real need to please people, especially my family. I always wanted to be the person that everyone wants to be, the person that everyone loves and adores. So as I started getting older and falling short of those standards, I became a little unhappy with myself, I guess. I wasn’t getting grades like Nixon, and I wasn’t doing well at sports like Trey. I just had this thought that I needed something to be good at, and Emmett helped me find it. Except that having an alcohol addiction isn’t something to go around and brag about._

Isaac once told me about his past with Emmett, how he stood up for him when he was being bullied. Emmett was the one who introduced Isaac to the idea that alcohol was something cool to do, and it bothered me a little that Emmett was still constantly on his mind even though he basically ruined his life.

_The low point is when I pushed my family away. I’d been trying to make friends by going out to parties with Emmett, but the way the alcohol made me ran everyone off. My parents were scared that I was going to do something terrible to Trey and Katherine, something that could never be undone. Nixon was old enough to remember how I acted, but not old enough to know what the cause of it all was. I was all alone with no hope. I was miserable and that’s when I began to seriously contemplate if there was a way out of all of this._

_I thought all those weeks in recovery had worked, that I’d no longer have that urge inside of me. The problem is that you don’t just choose recovery. You have to keep choosing recovery, over and over and over again. You have to make that choice 5-6 times each day. You have to make that choice even when you really don’t want to. It’s not a single choice, and it’s not easy. But sometimes you just have to give in, and I want to so badly._

I flipped the page to see if he’d written anything else, but then I realized that that’s where it ended. I don’t think either of us wanted to say anything, but in order to let him know that I understood everything he was saying, I grabbed onto the back of his neck and pulled him in for a hug. I rested my head on his shoulder and began rubbing his back gently.

All I wanted him to know what that I was here for him, and I wasn’t going anywhere no matter what.

 

 


	15. Monday, Oct. 15th: I'm Dead In The Water

(Isaac’s P.O.V)

I have to admit, it was a struggle getting out of bed this morning. I was trying to wrap my head around all the new emotions I was feeling. Even though it seemed highly unlikely, I felt a weight lift off of my mind now that I know Penner is about a sentence on the same page as me. I was beginning to feel like I was alone in the dark.

It was just the hunger that crawled on every inch of my skin that drove me crazy. That feeling wouldn’t go away for a while, and it was always a struggle to try and make it go away because I wanted nothing more than to give into it.

The uneasiness I was feeling made it nearly impossible to sleep and as soon as I saw a hint of light coming through my window, I made my way into the house. My brain must’ve refused to turn on since I didn’t think I would need any shoes to walk outside in the middle of October. It definitely got cold here faster than it did in Nebraska.

I practically ran into the house, hoping that the door wouldn’t be locked and the needles in my feet weren’t for nothing. I hopped back and forth on my feet and tested the doorknob, ripping it open and jumping onto the carpet and shutting the door behind me. I immediately regretted being as loud as I was because I didn’t take into account that some people would still be asleep. Thankfully, I heard noises coming from the kitchen and followed the light.

“Hey.” I greeted, trying my best to not scare Mom. That didn’t turn out so well since she practically jumped out of her skin.

“What are you doing up?” She breathed, placing a hand on her chest. She was still in her pajamas, and I wasn’t exactly sure how early it was.

“I couldn’t sleep,” I shrugged, sitting down at the table. “I guess my internal clock still thinks I’m going to school today.”

“I think you could use a break, don’t you think?” Her back was turned to me as she made her cup of coffee.

“I suppose,” I muttered, glancing towards the clock on the wall. It was only a few minutes after 7 AM which meant that my siblings should be up by now and Mom should be ready to go to work, too. “Where’s Nixon?” I asked.

“He left early,” She began. “He said something about being late to student council meeting.”

That was an obvious lie, I just didn’t understand why Mom couldn’t see that. “Umm, Mom—.” When she heard me unsuccessfully try to hold back a laugh, she turned around to face me.

“He’s not a part of student council is he?”

“No.”

“I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do with him,” She huffed with defeat, sitting down across from me. “I’m gunna have to put a tracking device on him or something.”

I wasn’t quite sure if she was joking or not so I just nodded like I understood what she was talking about. “It doesn’t help that I’ve gone and made things worse.” I muttered.

“Oh,” She sighed, reaching her hand out to me. “Izzy you haven’t—.”

“I know I have.” I interrupted, speaking truthfully. If moving here didn’t add enough stress on my parents, then the fact that they have four children who are constantly changing their attitudes about everything. Trey doesn’t know if he wants to play sports or not, Nixon is constantly doing drugs, and who the hell knows what my sister is doing these days—I should probably change that. Speaking of Katherine, her cries could be heard throughout the house, meaning that she was awake.

Mom’s attention was taken away from me and towards the stairs. “I should go check on her.” She said, getting up. I trudged back up to my room and before I knew it, I’d fallen asleep again.

(Penner’s P.O.V)

I knew that I wouldn’t see Isaac at school today, but every time I would see someone who even had the same brown hair as he did I would automatically think I was him. I tried my best to not make it seem like I was smothering him with text messages and calls, but that didn’t turn out so well. After about four texts without a response I kinda gave up and knew he probably needed to be left alone.

I doubt sitting alone at our lunch table was healthy, especially since every person who walked by would glance at me. I probably should’ve found something to do with myself since I didn’t have anyone to talk to, but luckily one of my best friends, Boone, started calling me.

“Hey,” I answered after the second ring. “How’s it going?”

“Oh, so you do know how to work a phone.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t called you back, B,” I apologized. “I’ve been busy these past couple of days.”

“As long as that’s all it is.”

“What do you mean?” I wondered.

“I was talking with Rico and we were just thinking that you are still pissed at Zander for going through your phone a-and—.” He stuttered, trying to find the right way to say what was on his mind.

“And you think I’m avoiding you all because of it?” I guessed, finishing his thought.

“Hey, it’s all cool now,” He reassured. “I was just checking in to see how you’re doing.”

“Well, I’m fine.”

“Good,” He hesitated. “Have you talked with Z?”

“Here and there.” I lied. I was still mad at Zander for going through my stuff, but it was the kinda mad you get at a sibling. I doubt my anger will grow into something else.

“I don’t blame you,” He laughed. “Have you checked your emails today?” He asked, changing the subject.

“Not recently,” I paused, waiting for his response. “Why?”

“Management sent out our travel details.” He explained.

“Crap,” I sighed. “I don’t how I forgot about that.” I had at least some idea of how it slipped my mind. Lately I’ve been feeling—normal again. I’ve been involved with real life issues and I’m starting to feel like my old self again. My old self before I became famous and believe it or not, it was a good feeling.

“Yeah,” Boone started. “I don’t know who you could forget you’re in band.” He said, sarcastically.

“You know what I mean.” I mumbled.

“Not really,” He said. He was probably expecting me to explain to him what I meant, but I didn’t think he needed to know just yet. “Is something going on there?” He wondered.

“Yeah, something big,” I admitted without even thinking about it. “Now’s not really a good time for me to up and leave for a week.”

“Are you dying?” He joked.

“No.” I breathed.

“Is Rebekah pregnant?” He guessed again.

“Boone.”

“Did you gain a hundred pounds?”

“Would you stop guessing already?” I snapped, slouching in my chair.

“Not unless you tell me.”

“I can’t,” I huffed. “It’s not my place to say, he’ll have to tell you himself.”

“He? Oh, so this is about Isaac then?”

“Boone—.” I started.

“You could’ve just told me you guys were hooking up all the time—.”

“Seriously, stop,” I growled, taking the laughter out of the conversation. “You’re not being funny.”

“Okay, sorry.” He apologized.

I sucked down a deep breath before asking my next question. “Where are we going?”

“New Orleans.”

“Wow,” I sighed. “That’s far.”

“That looks to be the trend,” He began. “Maybe next time you can bring Isaac along.”

“I don’t know.” I said, scratching at my arm. There’s no way I could take him to Louisiana if he wasn’t healthy enough to come to school. And how was I going to tell him that I’m leaving in a week? He’s probably depending on me to be there for him, I mean he practically begged me yesterday to never leave him. Any way I tell him it’s going to cause some major problems and I Isaac’s not exactly stable at the moment and that can cause everything to spiral out of control.

“I’d love to meet him,” Boone muttered, snapping me out of my thoughts. “And I’m sure the other guys would, too.” He added.

“You’d like him.” I smiled, thinking about my best friend and my boyfriend becoming friends. That would just be perfect.

“Hey, I’ll talk to you later, my sister is calling me.”

“Alright, man see ya.” I ended, sliding my phone in my pocket. As I sat and tried to figure out the perfect way to tell Isaac about everything, not three seconds later did Jai come and sit in Isaac’s seat.

“Eating alone?” He wondered, offering me a kind smile. He had a cut lip and a bruise near his eye from his fight with Dean at his father’s birthday party.

“Is there something wrong with that?” I muttered, sliding my bottle of juice back and forth across the table.

“No, I’m just not used to seeing it,” He paused, glancing around the cafeteria. “Where’s Isaac?” He asked.

I’d already decided before the day even began that I wasn’t going to tell anyone what happened to Isaac because it would be his choice on who he told his secret to, and I felt like it was my responsibility to cover for him. “He’s at home.”

“Yeah, I saw him at my dad’s party,” Jai nodded. “He wasn’t looking so good.”

“I think he’ll be feeling better soon,” I grinned, trying to avoid certain words slipping out of my mouth. “I doubt it’s anything serious.” I lied.

“Regardless, he must be in a lot of pain right now, should I send lasagna?” He wondered, causing something inside of me to snap. I didn’t appreciate the fact that he was joking about something he didn’t know about or know how serious it was.

“Okay, now you’re just being rude.” I mumbled, throwing my uneaten bag of chips and my drink into my book bag.

“I’m mean, you hate me so the Earth is back on its axis.”

“What is with you and Morgan?” I started. “I mean, one minute we can sit and talk and then the next— whatever.” I muttered, snatching my back pack and storming out of cafeteria. I wasn’t for sure where I was going, but a loud crash coming from the boy’s bathroom caught my attention. I went in and checked it out just in case someone was having a seizure or something, but I found a familiar boy sitting in the corner with his head relaxing against the wall.

“Nixon,” I breathed, going over to him to see if he was alright. Laying around him were spilt pills and an empty orange bottle. He shifted his head towards me, his eyes red and droopy. “What the hell?”

“Oh.” He breathed, closing his eyes. I picked up the bottle and read the label, Isaac’s name printed across it with a prescription I didn’t recognize.

“What’s Ambien?” I asked, touching his arm so he would focus. “Nixon, what did you take?”

“Man, I don’t know.” He mumbled.

I quickly pulled out my phone and looked up the medication. It was for insomnia or in some cases it was used for a muscle relaxant that would give the person “a night they wouldn’t remember”.

“Getting high in the school bathroom,” I muttered to myself as I began scooping up the pills and putting them back into the bottle. “That’s a new one.”

“What gave it away?” He wondered, smiling to himself.

“How long have you been high?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” Thankfully, no one had come into the bathroom yet, or if they had they didn’t pay any attention to us. I figured if he took a medication to completely relax his body there was no way I could cover for him as I dragged his lifeless body around school. So I threw his book bag over my shoulder and helped him to his feet, throwing my arm around him to support his weight. “Where are you taking me?” He asked, as he slowly put one foot in front of the other.

“It’s obvious you’re high, and I don’t particularly feel like stressing out Isaac anymore then he already is,” I began, setting him down in-between rows of lockers so he would be out of sight. There was about 15 minutes until the bell would ring. I had to think of a way that would allow me to leave school without getting into trouble. An idea popped into my head and I figured that it would be the best one I could come up with. “Stay here.” I said, rounding the corner and dialing Rebekah’s number.

“It’s about time you called me.” She greeted.

“Rebekah, I need you to do me a favor.”

“Okay, like what?” She wondered.

“Can you pretend to be Mom and get me out of class for the rest of the day?” I asked, trying to sound as serious as I could even though it seemed like I was kidding around.

“And how would I do that?”

“I don’t know,” I sighed, thinking of reasons that would be believable. “Say that I have to go to the dentist or something.”

“Hmm and what do I get if I do it?” She asked.

“Anything you want.”

“Dinner,” She muttered. “Just the two of us.”

“Deal.” I agreed.

“What’s the real reason you want to ditch?” She wondered.

“I can’t really talk about it now.” I breathed, trying to avoid any further questions.

“Fine,” She huffed. “I’ll call them now.”

“Thanks, sis.”

“Yeah, yeah, Baby Penn.” She ended, using the nickname that I’ve hated my whole life.

On my way to the office to get my excuse pass, I checked on Nixon to make sure he was okay. He seemed like he was sleeping and I was hoping for that so he wouldn’t argue with me as I dragged him out of school with me. I didn’t know how a pass for me to leave school was going to help Nixon any, but I wasn’t trying to think about that right now. When I came back from the attendance office with my pass in hand, Nixon’s eyes were open.

“Here,” I said, handing him my bottle of juice from lunch. “Drink this.”

“Orange juice?” He mumbled in confusion.

“I heard that Vitamin C helps shorten the high,” I remembered, thinking back to when Rico accidentally ate a pot brownie before one of our shows. “It’s the best I’ve got so it’ll have to do.”

“Well,” He sighed, taking a gulp. “Looks like someone went to health class today.”

“Looks like someone didn’t go to any class today.” I muttered, noticing that today’s classes weren’t even half over yet. I helped him to his feet again, and tried my best to act normal as I practically carried his limp body down the hall.

“You're a dick.” He growled.

“You do not talk to me like that I’m not your brother,” I warned. “And from now on don’t talk to your brother that way either.”

“So you’re going to lecture me just because I hurt Isaac’s feelings yesterday?” He mumbled, his words starting to slur a bit. I was starting to grow concerned when the change in his voice occurred, and I considered taking him to the hospital, but they would probably say the only thing they could do was let him sleep it off

“Cut him some slack.”

“He’s not the only one who needs to be eased up on.” He breathed.

“Oh and you think everyone’s being too hard on you?” I mumbled rhetorically to myself. “That’s a good one.” When we reached the security desk, I put a smile on my face and handed the gentleman the pass.

“You’re the kid from that band, right?” He grinned.

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“My brother is a huge fan.”

“Oh, thanks that means a lot.” I said, trying to adjust Nixon as he was growing heavier and heavier.

“Is he alright?” He asked.

“Yeah, he’s just not looking forward to the dentist.” I muttered, leaving the building before any other questions could be asked. When we made it to my car, I threw him in the back seat and groaned when I began driving.

“Seriously, where are we going?” He whined, his arm covering his eyes as he lay on his back.

“I’m taking you home.”

“Don’t.” He breathed.

“I’m not kidding,” I mumbled, stopping in front of my house. “You can’t do this anymore Nixon, not in this town, not around Isaac.”

“Why not, nothing that I haven’t done before,” I couldn’t see him through my rearview mirror when I occasionally glanced back there. I don’t what it was that made me want to constantly cover for him, and I don’t know why Isaac felt the same way either. As much as I hated what I was about it do, it would save the both of us from getting into an amount of trouble later on. I turned my car off and helped him into my house. “Why is it suddenly so important for everyone to keep me in line?” He muttered, collapsing on my couch.

“You need to sleep it off.” I breathed, throwing a blanket over his body.

“I’m not tired.” He slurred. No more than ten seconds later did he sigh and mumble, “Don’t tell Isaac,” before passing out.

(Isaac’s P.O.V)

I didn’t sleep as long as I hoped I would. I was constantly woken up every hour because Mom would come in and make sure I was still alive, and every hour it would always be the same answer. Of course I was alive, even though I sometimes felt dead on the inside. I haven’t felt like this in such a long time and I couldn’t quite remember how long this feeling was going to last.

I was trying to find something to focus my attention on, but when I realized it was a little after 3 PM, my siblings would be coming home from school and that’s when my alone time would end. My parents would probably want to have a family dinner so we could all get caught up on what’s been going on in each of our lives, and I was definitely not looking forward to that.

Due to my music being turned up too loud, I wasn’t able to hear Nixon come up the stairs and barge into my room. “Could you turn it up a little bit?” He shouted over the music. “I think Katherine might be able to hear this.” He joked.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, pausing the song. “How’d you get home so fast?” I wondered.

“Oh, Penner gave me a ride.”

“That was nice of him,” I smiled. “How come he didn’t come talk to me?”

“He said he didn’t want to bother you.” He explained, stuffing his hands in his pockets. To be honest, I felt a little upset that Penner didn’t come and at least say hi, but he probably figured that I didn’t want to talk to him since I hadn’t replied to any of his calls or texts.

“Where were you this morning?” I asked.

“Why do you care?” He muttered, deflecting the question.

“Because Mom knows you lied to her.”

“It doesn’t matter where I was.” He shrugged, slouching down on the couch.

“Okay, Nixon.” I sighed, turning my music back on so he knew that I no longer had any desire to talk with him anymore. The only way I knew that he left was when I glanced over to where he was sitting and he was gone.

My mind began to think about Penner again, and how it wasn’t doing me any good to sit here and wait for whatever I thought was going to happen. If I wanted to talk to Penner so badly then I should just call him myself. Without a second thought, I grabbed my phone and dialed his number and waited until he answered on the third ring.

“Hey, what’s going on?” He wondered, genuine happiness in his voice.

“Nothing, I just wanted to thank you for giving Nixon a ride home from school,” I started. “It’s getting colder and colder every day, and I don’t think he needs to be out walking in that.”

“Oh right—uh,” He paused, clearing his throat. “Uh, yeah it was no big deal.”

“Well I’m sure Nixon appreciated it even though he doesn’t deserve it,” I joked, hearing his muffled laugh in my ear. “I-I missed you today.” I stuttered, nervously.

“Me too,” He said, honestly. “It was weird day today, even weirder since you weren’t there.”

“What happened?” I wondered.

“I’ll tell you when you come back to school,” He started. “It’s a long story.”

“You know, I actually feel up for it tomorrow.” I muttered, confidently.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Things aren’t going to get any better if I’m sitting in my room all day.”

“Very true,” He laughed. “Actually, tomorrow before school could you come over to my place?”

“Sure, what for?” I asked.

“I gotta tell you something,” He said. “Something important.”

“Are you sure you don’t wanna tell me know?”

“No, no I wanna tell you tomorrow,” You know when someone says “We need to talk,” and it’s never about anything good? Well I’m now thinking about every possible bad thing that Penner could want to tell me in person. “Hey, Izzy, I gotta go. I promised I’d have dinner with my sister and I gotta go to the store.”

“Yeah, okay,” I breathed. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I hung up the phone and threw my head back against my pillows. Not five seconds later could I hear Trey running up the stairs, screaming my name and asking me to play with him. I immediately closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this series so far!


	16. Tuesday, Oct. 16: Angels Choking On Their Halos

(Isaac’s P.O.V)

I didn’t sleep at all last night, and it was because of two reasons. The first one was because I was going to walk the halls of the school again even though I knew I was 100% yet. The second reason was I couldn’t find my insomnia pills. I only take them whenever I’m anxious about something coming up and I desperately needed them last night.

Before I left the house to meet Penner, I got a lecture from Mom about being sure I was ready to go back to school and I lied to her face and told her I was. She also said that I needed to be responsible for myself and know when too much is too much. I was still struggling with figuring out when exactly that was, but I was slowly working on.

When I got to Penner’s house I reached my hand up to knock on the door, but I snatched it back so I could close my eyes and take a deep breath. When I was able to work up the courage to knock, it wasn’t long before Penner opened the door.

“Hey, come on in,” He smiled, allowing me inside. I slowly let in a deep breath and took off my back pack so there wouldn’t be as much weight on my back. “How are you doing?” He wondered, sitting beside me on the couch.

“I’m okay,” I said, truthfully. “My body is still a little jittery and a little on edge, but I’m getting there.” I mumbled, noticing his eyes scanning my face as I talked.

“Good,” He grinned, putting an arm around me. “I’ve been really worried about you.”

“Thank you,” I breathed. I could tell we were tiptoeing around each other because neither of us wanted to talk about the real reason that I was here. I was trying not to get myself worked up over an answer I didn’t even know would be good or bad. “So what did you wanna tell me?”

“Izzy,” He paused, shifting so he could put his hand on my leg. I felt like I was about to get taught a lesson from my dad by the way his body was sitting. “Do you remember last month when I went to New York?” He asked, focusing his attention elsewhere.

“Yeah.” I nodded.

“It’s next week.” He whispered.

“Oh.” I breathed, looking at my feet and trying my hardest to not fiddle with my fingers. This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening. He can’t leave now, everyone always leaves whenever I need them the most. Doesn’t he know that I need him here more then anything?

“I realize now’s not a good time for me to leave.” He muttered, wiggling his body so he could get closer to me. This is probably the worst thing that could possibly happen. I’ve been working on getting back in control, but I can’t help but feel like Penner is the only steady thing that’s keeping me balanced. If he leaves, there’s no telling what could happen.

“Where are you going?” I wondered, finding my voice coming off a bit shaky.

“They’re sending us to New Orleans.” He explained, brushing his fingers on my arm to try and comfort me. That was something I’d probably never understand about Penner. He always knew when there was something wrong with me, and honestly I was feeling like I didn’t know when something was wrong with him. I hated that I was getting all the attention in our relationship, I mean he’s rubbing my arm for crap’s sake.

“Louisiana,” I mumbled, chewing on my bottom lip. “I bet it’ll be nice there.”

“Maybe somewhere in the future you could come with me.” He offered, biting on his lip as well.

“Maybe.” I breathed, grabbing my backpack off the floor and making my way over towards the door.

“Where are you going?” He wondered, following after me. Honestly, I didn’t care where I was going because I just wanted to get away from here. I was trying my hardest to make sure Penner didn’t see that I was breaking on the inside. I never want anyone to see me like that.

“School,” I muttered, saying the first thing that popped into my head. “I don’t wanna be late.”

“Okay,” He nodded. “Wait for me.” He whispered, turning to grab his jacket and book bag. I considered ditching him and taking off on my own, but then that would only cause problems between the two of us.

He offered to drive me to school, but I lied and said there was somewhere I had to be right after school. He didn’t ask any further questions and I was thankful for that because I wanted to get to school and out of eyesight from Penner.

I guess I was having such a hard time comprehending the fact that he was leaving next week because I was scared of how I was going to behave. If I could barely hang on with him here, I could see myself flying off the edge the minute he left.

I wasn’t necessarily paying attention to the road when I was driving, and when I got to school I didn’t even remember getting here. It was like I was thinking too deeply and I somehow blocked out everything that was around me.

When I found a parking spot I grabbed my stuff and not even bothering to look and see if Penner showed up yet. The answer was yes though, and I knew it was because I saw him coming out of the corner of my eye and there was no way I could pretend I didn’t see him.

“Ready to go?” He asked, raising an eyebrow and grabbing onto my hand. I gave him a weak nod and we proceeded to walk towards the building. I had to get out of here. I needed to find a place to calm myself down before I did something I’d regret. I thought I could keep it together for at least one day, but I didn’t even last an hour. I grabbed onto Penner’s arm about a foot away from the door to catch his attention.

“I-I left my phone in the car.” I lied, trying to get away as fast as I could.

“Do you want me to go with you?” He asked.

“No, I’ll be fine.” I mumbled, taking off towards the parking lot. It wasn’t until I was halfway to my car did I look over my shoulder to check and see if Penner was following me. Thankfully, he wasn’t, but I was met with another familiar face.

“Hey, where are you going?” Morgan wondered with too much pep in her voice. I began looking back and forth across the parking lot just in case Jai or Carly or anyone else decided to come sneak up on me out of nowhere. “Class is about to start.”

“Can you tell Penner I wasn’t feeling well and went home from school?” I asked, avoiding her question and fumbling with my keys in my hands.

“I’m gunna a little but more to go on.” She muttered, raising an eyebrow.

“I thought I was ready for this, but I’m not.” I said, wiping my sweaty hands on my jeans so I could unlock my car.

“Where are you actually going?” She wondered, sounding a lot like my mother.

“What?” I felt my skin grow goose bumps when she asked me that. How could see possibly know that I wasn’t actually planning on going home?

“You forget Grayson is my brother,” She smiled, grabbing onto the straps of her book bag. “I know lying when I see it.”

“I’m fine, Morgan.” I gulped, hearing the warning bell in the distance.

“Uh huh.” She nodded, raising an eyebrow as she watched me carry out my lies. The next thing that came out of my mouth was probably the stupidest thing I could’ve said in my whole life.

“Can you keep Penner busy so he’s not worrying about me?”

“If you haven’t noticed he and I aren’t exactly besties.”

“Morgan, seriously.”

“What if I have practice after school?” She wondered, not moving from her spot like she didn’t care if she was going to be late to first period.

“Do you?”

“No,” She sighed. “What if I just don’t want to?”

“You’re going to,” I started, snapping a little bit. “Or I can tell Jai about the play.”

She opened her mouth, but paused for a second as her eyes scanned my face. “You’re not as innocent as everyone thinks.”

“No, I am not.” I whispered.

“Isaac, if something is going on with you and you get hurt it’s gunna be all my fault for not stopping you.” She explained, using way too many hand motions.

“I’m not gunna get hurt,” I muttered, sitting down in the driver’s seat. “I’m just clearing my head.” I said under my breath, trying to convince myself that that was all I was doing.

“Whatever,” She huffed, throwing her hands in the air. “But I’m covering your skipping ass either.” She called, turning her back to me and not looking back once. Now that I was free, I turned my car on and drove until I found myself parked in front of a cemetery.

(Penner’s P.O.V)

I was sitting in Health class when my teacher asked for a volunteer to roll a cart of computers all the way to the other side of the school. Naturally, everyone shouted out that they would take it since they could leave class ten minutes early.

“So you like, personally know Rico Ramirez?” A girl sitting in front of me asked, turning around and leaning her arms on my desk.

“Yeah.” I nodded, watching as other people focused their attention on the two of us.

“So you’ve like, talked to him?”

“Well, we are in a band together.” I muttered, trying to smile. What was this girl not understanding, I mean it’s not rocket science.

“That’s so cool,” She smiled, her eyes growing wide. “Do you think I could get an autograph?”

“Umm,” I started. “You know I’m just your classmate and I don’t think now would be the best time—.”

“Mr. Watson,” Ms. Buckland called out, stopping me in my tracks. “Can you take this to Mr. Reed’s class?” She wondered, gesturing towards the computers. I gave her a quick nod and gathered my things up without giving the girl in front of me another look.

Ms. Buckland handed me a hallway pass, and I have to admit, it was hard steering this cart. It was heavier then it looked, especially turning around corners and I might’ve hit a wall two or three times. I tried to take a shortcut through a set of lockers, but that turned out to be a huge mistake since the hall was too narrow for the cart to get through. The hardest part was turning the thing around since it was like towing a dead body around school, and I can proudly say that I have never done that before.

I tried my best to pull at the cart to try and get it to move, but it wasn’t going to budge. I looked to see if the wheels were caught on anything, but I couldn’t find any sort of problem. When I looked back up, Morgan Moseley was standing at the opposite end of the cart. “Here, I got it.”

With her pushing and me pulling, it finally shifted and loosened from its spot. “Umm, thanks.” I mumbled, continuing to push it back to the main hallway.

“Where ya going?” She asked, following behind me.

“I gotta take these computers to Mr. Reed.” I explained, not stopping to chat.

“What are you doing for lunch?” She wondered, catching up to me. Our arms even brushed for a second.

“I’m going to meet Isaac for lunch.” I said, scrunching my eyebrows. Did I have some kind of annoying girl magnet planted into my back pack this morning? Why was Morgan so obsessed with what I was doing and where I was going? It’s not like she’s cared before until now.

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” She began, giving me unnecessary help going around a corner. “He wanted me to tell you that he was sick and went home.”

“Really?” I breathed, watching as she nodded. At least he knew that he wasn’t fully ready to come back to school, I just wished he would’ve told me himself instead of telling Morgan to pass along the information. “Good to know.” I breathed, hoping that’s all she wanted and would go on with ignoring me. As promised, that’s not what happened.

“And he also wanted me to keep you busy the rest of the day.” She said, a hint of happiness in her voice.

“Don’t sweat it.” I muttered, stopping in front of Zach’s classroom.

“What are you doing later?” She continued. “Do you wanna hang out at the diner and shoot some pool?” She shrugged, stuffing her hands in her jacket pocket.

“Uh, why?” I said, trying to figure out why she was being so friendly.

“Why what?” She asked, innocently.

“Well, you never asked me to play a game of pool before, so why now?” I wondered, leaning my elbow on the cart.

“Uh, I-I don’t know,” She stuttered. “I thought it’d be fun, never mind.” She tried to smile as she turned to walk away. I mentally cursed myself when I called out to stop her.

“Okay, sure it’s just—.” I mumbled, stopping myself from potentially causing her anger. I was gunna say that we really aren’t friends anymore and I find it weird that you’re now trying to act like one, but I figured I’d probably get slapped if I said that.

“Just what?” She breathed, turning her attention towards the ceiling where the bell was sounding for class to end.

“It’s just, I’m really bad at pool.” I grinned, noticing her cheerful reaction splattered on her face.

“I thought you might be.” She nodded, turning around to walk with the crowd. When there was enough space for me to navigate the cart, I finally was able to get the cart to where it belongs.

“Ah, yes,” Zach breathed, standing up from his desk to shake hands with me. “I was wondering when those would show up.”

“Are we using those in class today?” I asked.

“You’ll just have to wait and see,” He grinned. I nodded silently, watching as no students were in the room. “You okay?”

“Do you not have a class this period?”

“It just so happens to be my lunch hour,” He explained. He must’ve noticed how quiet I was being because of his next question. “Did you wanna eat in here?”

“Umm, yeah.” I muttered, sitting down at a desk that sat directly in front of his. I pulled out a small bag of chips that I bought earlier this morning and began chomping down on those until it was time to go to my next class.

Throughout the day I tried keeping to myself, especially when someone would try and start a conversation with me I would brush them off with a small smile and carry on with myself. I was told to meet Morgan at the diner right after school and when I walked into the building I got greeted with at least ten senior citizens looking to see who walked in the door. Morgan’s mom, Larissa, was working behind the counter, talking with a woman while she poured her coffee.

I waited for Morgan to show up for about ten minutes until I found an empty spot against a wall and leaned up against it. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and found that I’d gotten a text from Isaac that read, _Don’t worry, I’m fine. Have fun with Morgan._

I sighed to myself and quickly typed back a reply that said, _Of course I have to worry. Can I come see you later?_

“Penner!” Morgan shouted, startling me since all my attention was focused on my phone.

“Hey,” I breathed, noticing she was alone. “Is Jai not coming?”

“Jai?” She wondered, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I thought he would come as your bodyguard or something.” I smiled, trying to give off the vibe that I was joking.

“He’s at some baseball meeting,” She began. “And by the way, I don’t need Jai to protect me.” She clarified, holding her head up high.

“I remember.” I nodded, thinking back to our childhood where the three of us were conjoined at the hip. She squinted her eyes at me and then took off towards the back of the restaurant where the pool table was. Unfortunately, it was occupied by some middle-schoolers and Morgan took a seat at a table just a few feet away. She excused herself to go order food and then came back five minutes later with a plate of cheese fries.

“Do you want some?” She wondered, shoving a few in her mouth.

“No, I’m good.” I grinned, turning my phone over in my hands. I wanted to tell her that whatever she wanted from me she needed to get on with it so I could continue on with my life, but I figured I should give her the benefit of the doubt.

“If I don’t eat, I get those moody phases.” She muttered, catching my attention.

“Yeah,” I agreed, wondering when those children would give us the freaking pool table. “It happens doesn’t it?”

“Not often, thankfully,” She started, almost finished with her food. At least we were making a little progress. “I’m just surprised that Jai hasn’t gone completely insane putting up with me.”

“Well stage one is insanity,” I added. “Then he would just skip the next steps and just kill you.”

“But you wouldn’t let him would you?”

“Hmm, don’t hold your breath,” I muttered under my breath. She opened her mouth to say something, but then something caught her eye and she froze. I looked over my shoulder to see her mother looking over at the two of us, then looking back like she didn’t see anything. “What was that about?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

I didn’t believe her answer, and I waited to see if she would explain more to me, but when she didn’t I asked another question. “Are you fighting or something?”

“I made her mad.”

“Why?”

She took a while to respond, but I didn’t expect the answer she said to me. “I chose to live with my Dad instead of her.”

“I can’t believe it.”

“It’s a long story,” She mumbled, pushing the plate away from her. She looked down at her lap, then back up at me. “Let’s go, the table’s open.” It wasn’t long until she began kicking my butt at this game, I mean it usually took about two or three times for me to get one shot in.

“You are bad.” Morgan laughed, watching me struggle.

“I’m better at air hockey.” I muttered, defending myself.

“Well, feel free to cheat if you need your dignity back.” She smiled, aiming her stick to get ready to sink the ball.

“Come on, hit the ball.”

“Alright, I got winner guys.” John grinned, approaching us just after Morgan made her shot.

“Get ready, this slaughter is almost over.”

I tried to make my next shot on the first try, but clearly that didn’t work and they both laughed in my face. Morgan weaved her way so she could take her next turn. “You here alone?” I asked, talking with John.

“Yeah, just me.”

“Where’s your brother?” I wondered, spinning the pool stick in my hand.

“I’ll see him back home,” He muttered. “Why?” He asked, a little panic in his voice.

“I thought he was sweet.” I shrugged, leaning down for my turn. As soon as I make contact with the white ball, Morgan’s mom came up to us.

“Will you help me with this?” She asked, handing Morgan a tray of food and pointing to the table of people in the center of the restaurant.

“Geez,” She mumbled once her Mom left. “You get one day off and they still want you to work. I’ll be right back.” She said, handing her stick to John and leaving to give people their food.

I looked over my shoulder to make sure Morgan wasn’t looking so I would be able to take shot after shot so I could keep up with her.

“I’m sorry about the other day,” John mumbled, leaning down so he could rest his hands on the table. I didn’t understand at first what he was talking about, but he then explained further when I had confusion written all over my face. “I shouldn’t have asked about your family.”

“It’s not a problem,” I shrugged, thinking back to when he asked about my family that lived in England. “It was actually interesting.”

“I know, I just want us to fit in here for once,” He sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. He added, “It’s tough Penner, being different,” before Morgan showed back up. It only took three more shots until Morgan swept the table with me. I handed over my stick to John who made it a close game, but Morgan ended up beating him as well.

It was almost 5 PM and all she wanted to do was play another game. I still couldn’t find answers to why she wanted to hang out with me all day, and to be honest I was starting to get fed up that she wasn’t giving me a reason why.

I turned down her offer to play another game and muttered, “Okay, now I’m leaving.”

“Wait!” She shouted, following after me. The placed filled up with so many people that it was hard to get through them all.

“No, no, no, Morgan,” I said, stopping in my tracks to face her. “You have two seconds to come clean.”

“What do you mean?” She wondered, looking at the floor.

“I’m talking about how you’ve been distracting me all day,” I began, noticing her lack of eye contact. “Is there something going on that you guys don’t want me to know about?”

“No, that’s not it.” She huffed.

“Then what is it?” I asked, shouting a little so she could hear me over to crowd even though we were starting to get a few strange looks. “Is it about Isaac or—?”

The look on her face gave it all away. She let out a deep breath and crossed her arms, looking anywhere else but at me. “Is there something going on with Isaac?” I growled, becoming extremely concerned with what could possibly be going on.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” I said, my eyes growing wide. “Are you kidding me?”

“I’m sorry, but I-I don’t know.”

“How can you let him go off on his own like that?” I snapped, feeling for my keys in my pocket. “He could be doing something insane!”

So whatever Isaac told Morgan had to have been a lie because why else would he want Morgan to keep me occupied all day? He knew what he was doing was wrong, and that’s why he didn’t want me to know about it. Now all I had to do was find where he was and try to control whatever was going on with him.

“I figured he was a big kid and he knew what he was doing,” She defended, honesty written on her face. “I would not have let him put himself in danger.”

I shook my head at her and stormed out of the building so I could look for the boy I cared so much about. I first checked my grandfather’s boat since that’s where he was the last time he ran off. Unfortunately, he wasn’t there. I considered asking Nixon if he’d seen him or if he would help me look for him, but then I figured he would tell me that it was my problem to deal with.

I tried my best to think about all the hiding places I used to go to as a kid, but each one had no sign of Isaac ever being there. I tried calling him on his phone and I never got a response. I was walking along the side of the road next to the old cemetery when I tried to call Isaac again. Off in the distance I heard what sounded like a ringtone. I followed it through a thin line of trees until it opened up to an old mausoleum, the same spot when Isaac and I first met each other.

I quickly made it to the other side where the bench was that Isaac was sitting on that night. I found him sitting on the ground, using it as a back rest. “Izzy,” I sighed with relief. His knees were pulled up to his chest and his head was resting on the tops of his legs. “God, you gotta stop running off without telling anyone where you went.”

“Yeah,” He muttered. “I should stop doing a lot of things.”

I realized that I’d probably come off a little harsh considering that he was in a fragile state at the moment. I silently made my way over to him and sat down beside him so our feet were touching. “Whatcha doing out here?”

“Just thinking about stuff.” He shrugged, sitting up.

“All day?” I wondered, watching as he nodded. “We should get inside, it’s cold out here.”

“It keeps me awake.” He mumbled, picking at the grass that was around us.

“Have you not sleeping?” I asked.

It took a while for him to reply, like he was trying to play out in his head what he was going to say. “I couldn’t find my sleeping pills last night.” He said, sounding a little embarrassed.

“Okay, let’s go home and I’ll help you look for them,” I said, encouragingly. I made an attempt to stand up so we could be on our way, but he wouldn’t budge let alone look at me. “Isaac, please talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to say.”

“I don’t know what you’re going through,” I started, placing my hand on top of his so we would make eye contact with me. “But I care about you too much to let you go through it alone.”

He shook his head back and forth and then said, “I can’t talk about it, Penner.”

“Isaac, please.” I whispered, begging him to let me know what’s going on with him.

I didn’t pressure him anymore than that, hoping that by me backing off he would feel more capable of saying what was on his mind. I don’t know how long we sat in silence, but when he finally spoke it was like the sun came out of the clouds.

“While I was sitting here today, I realized something,” He started, looking straight ahead. “I’m—I’m not sure if I’m depressed, I mean I’m not s-sad, but I’m not exactly happy either. I-I can laugh and joke and smile during the day, b-but sometimes when I’m alone at night I forget how to—to feel,” He explained, stuttering throughout.

I could tell it was a struggle for him to admit what he just said to me, and that’s why I waited to say something until he was completely finished saying what needed to be said. “I don’t know why I feel like this, I mean I have you and you make me feel things I’ve never felt before,” He muttered, playing with his fingers in his lap. “I don’t understand what’s wrong with me.”

I felt my heart crack when he let out a whimper. I instantly wrapped my arm around his shoulder and began rubbing on his arm to comfort him. “Oh, Isaac there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re strong and one little step back is nothing when you look at the progress you’ve already made.”

“I guess.” He shrugged.

“Something tells me that you’re upset about something else, too.” I mumbled when he didn’t look noticeably better.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does matter,” I said sternly as I lifted his head so I could look directly at him. “It matters to me.”

“It’s not gunna change anything,” He muttered, shaking his head. I didn’t stop staring at him and I think that made him cave and let out what was really bothering him. “I don’t want you to leave.” He grumbled, sniffing and wiping at his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket.

I gave him a sad smile although he couldn’t see it. I knew this was going to happen and I knew that this is how I was going to feel for leaving him behind. I felt like crap because I wanted him to feel like he had a stable environment but he couldn’t have that because I was coming and going every month.

I tried to think of the least cliché thing I could say at the moment, but that seemed to be the only thing going through my mind. “Look, I know things are hard and I need you to know that I’m going to be here. Always,” I said, kissing the side of his head. “Your family is here, we’re all here for you. You’re not alone.”

I couldn’t help but say the same things Rebekah told me when I was still trying to get over Tyson. Even though words couldn’t heal wounds, it was important to hear them so you knew that you weren’t crazy. He sniffed one last time before he nodded and let me help him off the ground. He told me that he parked his car at Camden Care and would get it tomorrow. I gave him a ride home and he invited me up to his room.

I awkwardly sat down on his bed, waiting for him to say something or do something. Maybe he was waiting for me to do the same thing. I didn’t want to press the topic about his drinking anymore then was necessary, but I couldn’t help myself since I was dying to know the answer. “So, out there you were just upset about me leaving or was it—was it more like cravings?” I asked, hoping that my question made sense.

“I think I was having a hard time trying to control the urge and it just got worse when I thought about you leaving.” He explained, sitting down next to me.

“Isaac,” I breathed, catching his attention. “Can you promise me something?”

“I’ll try.” He smiled for the first time today.

“Whenever you feel like running off, can you please come talk to me instead?” I muttered, noticing his smile slowly drop from his face. “Every time I hear that you’ve gone off on your own it freaks me out.”

“I’m sorry,” He whispered, wrapping his hands around my waist and laying his head against my chest. I rested my arm against his back and began rubbing there in slow circle. After a few minutes of the two of us just being together, Isaac mumbled, “Do you mind if I write a little bit?”

“No, no go ahead,” I said, releasing him from my hold. “I can leave if you want.” I breathed as I stood up and pointed towards the door.

“I want you to stay.” He grinned once again, going to sit down at his desk. I quietly sat down on his couch and grabbed my phone out of my pocket to scroll through Twitter. I hadn’t been on in a while and it was obvious since my notifications were blowing up. It wasn’t even five minutes later did he come over and slide his journal in front of my eyes.

“Read please.” He smiled, plopping himself next to me. I felt like this would be a habit of ours now, that whatever he would write I would one way or another read. I was never going to tell him about the time where his mother forced me to read a few pages behind his back. He’d probably never forgive me if he found out.

I took one quick glance at him to make sure he was okay with this, and when his smile didn’t disappear I began to read the words on the page.

_It’s scary to find someone that makes you happy, you start giving them all of your attention because they’re what makes you forget everything bad that’s going on in your life. They’re the first person you want to talk to in the morning and the last one before you sleep just so you can start and end your day with a smile. It all sounds great to have that someone, but it’s scary to think about how easily they could just leave and take that happiness with them._

There wasn’t that much written there, but I understood everything he was saying. I was actually beginning to grow afraid because of how similar we were. It was like the air got knocked out of me just thinking about it. He was looking at me with pleading eyes in the hopes that I would know what he was trying to say. I gave him a smile and a small nod before latching onto him like I did before.

It was about an hour later when Isaac’s mom said that he had to go down for dinner. I followed him down the stairs, letting him know that I had to be getting home and I didn’t want to interfere with their family dinner. Believe it or not I actually miss them myself. Since his mother was standing right in front of us the whole time I wasn’t able to give Isaac a proper kiss, so he had to settle for one on his cheek instead. We mumbled goodbyes to each other and Isaac took off for the house and left me alone with his mom.

“Penner,” Mrs. Baldwin breathed. “How is he?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged, truthfully. “I don’t know what signs are good and which ones are bad.”

“He’ll get better,” She reassured. “You know, Trey has been asking when you’re coming over again.”

“Oh?”

“He’s taken a liking to you,” She smiled. “Katherine even asked ‘where’s picture man’.”

“Picture man?” I asked, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

“She calls your tattoos, pictures.” She explained.

I nodded in understanding then said, “I can cover them up when I’m around if you want.”

“That’s not necessary,” She muttered, shaking her head. “But if she starts drawing on her arms you’ll be the one to clean her up.”

“Deal.” I grinned, making my way towards my car.

“Listen, I was thinking you could come over for dinner on Thursday,” She began, stopping me in my tracks. “Would you be up for that?”

“Umm, yeah,” I nodded, trying to think if I had anything to do that day. “I wanna get to know your family more.”

“As do I,” She grinned. “Drive careful.” She said before going inside and leaving me outside in the cold.

 

 


	17. Wednesday, Oct. 17th: I'd Hate To Be The Bad Guy

(Isaac’s P.O.V)

In the morning, I didn’t tell my mom I was leaving for school because I knew she would try and tell me that I shouldn’t go back just yet. I knew I wasn’t all the way ready, but instead of making progress I would just sit in my room and sink further back into myself. Nixon was still hitching a ride from his so called friends at school so I didn’t have to worry about leaving without him.

I spent my first class avoiding Morgan’s questions about what happened yesterday. Then in my second class I had to deal with Nixon looking over his shoulder at me while we were playing badminton, which is the only sport that I’m somewhat okay at. Then in Math, Morgan continued asking questions about what happened yesterday. I brushed her off like before, telling her that I’m behind and I’m trying to pay attention, and after that she didn’t say one more word to me. After class, she took off towards the lunchroom with Carly and left me to walk the hallways alone.

I suddenly felt hands on my waist, and I couldn’t help but jump a few feet away. “You really gotta stop doing that.” I huffed as I was being dragged by the hand to the side of the hallway.

“I will when it stops being funny.” Penner smiled, avoiding all the looks we were getting by the students around us when our lips connected.

“I think there’s rules about sneak attacks in the middle of the hallway.” I muttered.

“Uh oh, I wouldn’t wanna get kicked out,” He started, his grin not leaving his face. “Oh wait, everybody loves me.”

Just as he finished his comment, Jai gave us a glance, but then turned his head as if we were invisible. “Not everybody,” I breathed, gesturing my hand at him. Instead of commenting, he took my hand in his and made our way to lunch like everyone else. After waiting in line for food that was too gross to eat, I started a conversation by saying, “So my mom said that you’re coming over for dinner tomorrow.”

“Yeah, if that’s alright with you.”

I nodded, but added with a serious face, “I can’t promise there won’t be any family fights, mental breakdowns or a cat in the dishwasher.”

“It wouldn’t be the same without it.” He joked, gently pinching my arm.

We began munching on our food and casually talking to each other for the next few minutes, but when I remembered something I’ve been wanting to ask, I brought it up. “”Look,” I began, catching his attention.  “I know it’s probably a bad time to ask, but you said that something happened at school on Monday.”

“Oh, yeah that,” He muttered, wiping his hands with a napkin. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea for me to say.”

“What could be so bad?” I wondered, watching as he stayed silent. “Did Mr. Taylor actually bring his son’s iguana to school?” I smiled, thinking back to last week when Mr. Taylor was so excited about the lizard that he was going to bring it in to show everyone. He sometimes acted younger than his students and that was a little unnerving considering he was responsible for us.

“Uh, I don’t think so.” He mumbled, scrunching his eyebrows as if he thought I was joking.

“So what then?”

“I lied to you,” He said, looking me in the eye. “Well, more like we lied to you.”

“What?” I breathed, my jaw dropping to the floor. My mind was racing with so many different things he could be talking about, but instead of jumping down his throat I decided to let him explain.

“You know how you couldn’t find your sleeping pills?” He asked, going off track. What could he have done with my pills that would make him lie to me about them? I didn’t take him as the kind of person that would steal, especially prescription medication.

“What about them?” I growled, becoming angrier and angrier.

“Nixon took them and got off on them,” He explained. “I found him in the bathroom during lunch and took him back to my house until school was over.”

By this point I was fuming. Penner knew how badly Nixon has been acting for the last month and yet he decides to help my brother when he’s done something stupid. I know Penner is a great person, but I didn’t expect him to willingly help with my drug using brother. I tried my best to bite my tongue so I wouldn’t say something to draw attention to myself, but I couldn’t help but mumble underneath my breath. “Unbelievable.”

“Look, I should’ve just told you about it right when it happened, but I didn’t want you to stress about it.”

“Thank you for telling me.” I said, unclenching my jaw and focusing my attention on drawings from art class that hang on the walls.

“What’s going through you head?” He whispered, leaning in closer to me.

“I feel like an idiot I mean, no matter how hard I try he’s never going to stop,” I muttered, referring to my brother. “I’m so tired of putting so much effort into it without ever getting any in return.”

“It’s partially my fault,” He began, his words catching my attention. “I keep bailing him out whenever he gets himself in trouble and I should just let him suffer for it.”

“Yeah, I tend to do that, too,” I agreed, a smile forming on my face. “From now on, he’s on his own.”

“Deal,” He nodded, pulling my face towards his so our lips could connect. “I really am sorry for keeping that from you.” He said once again. I could feel his fingers brush back and forth underneath my ear.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Well, I promise never to do it again.”

“Pinky promise?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.

A grin appeared on his face as he held his smallest finger out and said, “Pinky promise.”

“So, since you know about every problem in my life, what’s been going on in yours?” I wondered, starting up a new conversation. “How are those nightmares you’ve been having?”

“They’re uh, better.” He swallowed.

“What are they about?”

“Just something from my past.” He shrugged, not going into much detail.

“Yeah, I know that,” I started. “But like what exactly?”

“A person I used to know.”

“You mean Tyson?” I wondered. He fell silent and turned his head away from me. “What happened?”

He licked his lips and took in a deep breath. “It's not something I like to talk about.”

“I get that, but I just want you to know that you can,” I said, waiting for a response.

“I know,” He muttered. “Thank you.”

“The truth is,” I breathed, trying to think of the right words to explain myself. “I don't know a whole lot about you, and I really want you to open up to me.”

He adverted his eyes and then muttered, “You’ve been talking with Jai and Morgan—.”

“This isn't about them, it's about me trying to get to know you,” I said a little harshly. My tone got his attention and I was able to calm myself down enough to continue. “Look, I feel like you’ve got a lot of stuff you’re not telling me about, like this thing with Tyson.”

“Let it go,” He said, placing his hand on top of mine. “I don't want to talk about it.”

“Well, say something about yourself,” I growled, ripping my hand out from underneath his. “Otherwise, I'm left with nothing but what other people tell me.”

There was a beat of silence as we tried to figure each other’s emotions out. I was hoping that he would just come out and tell me what he was hiding, but he ended up saying the opposite. “I promised you that I wouldn’t lie to you anymore, but I’m not ready to talk about it.”

I knew I was making a mistake when I snatched up my back pack, but my patience had run out and I was done sitting around and begging him to tell me the truth. “Call me when you are.” I said, leaving him to sit alone for the rest of the lunch hour.

Even though I received a few texts from Penner saying how sorry he was, I continued on with the rest of my day in silence, going from class to class and keeping to myself.

After school, I told Nixon to meet me at the diner because I needed to talk to him. I didn’t tell him it was going to be about him stealing my pills that way he wouldn’t try to get out of coming here. I tried to sit in the middle of the restaurant so my brother could see me when he got here.

“Hey,” Morgan said, coming up behind me. “Whatcha doing?”

“Waiting for my brother to show up.” I explained, not giving much details on what I needed to talk to him for.

“Oh yeah, I saw Penner dragging him out of the cafeteria a few days ago,” She nodded, sitting in the chair next to mine. “Did he catch what you had?”

“Nah, I don’t think so.” I muttered, remembering that I was faking sick yesterday. I saw someone come through the door and assumed it was Nixon, but it turned out to be Jai. Once our eyes met, I quickly adverted mine elsewhere so I wouldn’t give him the idea that I wanted to talk.

“What’s up with you two?” She asked, causing my eyebrows to raise. “You and Jai.” She clarified, gesturing towards him. I noticed he stopped to talk with Sherriff Moseley and I was hoping that Morgan would get the question I was sending her telepathically, but that didn’t happen.

“Nothing.” I answered, shaking my head.

“I haven’t seen you guys say one word to each other all week.”

“I don’t know, Morgan.” I shrugged, not feeling like explaining what was going on with me and Jai. She took a deep breath and adjusted herself in her chair.

“So how are you and Penner after what happened yesterday?” She wondered, changing the subject to something I also didn’t want to talk about.

“Okay, I guess.”

“You guess?”

When I realized that she wasn’t going to back off until I gave her an answer she was looking for, I decided to just give her a response. “Okay, here it goes before Nixon shows up— what do you think of Penner?”

I figured since Morgan grew up with him that she would know small details about his life and his family that he wasn’t saying to me.

“What’s he done?” She wondered.

“Nothing, he's just so secretive all the time and I’ve been telling him a lot of stuff about me lately,” I paused just in case Morgan wanted to comment on anything I’d said, but she gave me an expression to finish my thought. “I think there's something that he doesn't want me to know, which makes me want to know even more.”

“Like what?” She smiled. “Like he has an obsession with feet and steals your socks while you’re sleeping?”

“No, of course not,” I huffed, rolling my eyes at her sarcasm. “But what do you know about him, really?”

She took a few minutes to think before rattling off a few facts. “He sucks at pool, he’s definitely a people person, always has been. He also had a snail collection when he was 11 years old, was obsessed with his grandfather, and as much as I hate saying it, he’s a nice guy.”

I sat in silence to take in everything she just said. It’s kinda scary that I didn’t know even those smallest things about Penner. Even though Morgan and Penner weren’t exactly on the same page anymore, I was surprised at all the nice things she said about him.

“So you think I'm just being paranoid?” I asked, some of my anger towards Penner was wearing off when I realized that there wasn’t anything to be honestly mad about.

“I think you should talk to him.”

“Talk to who?” Jai asked, surprising the both of us when he sat down at our table. Morgan and I exchanged looks, her eyes shifting to Jai in the hopes that I would start up a conversation with him. Instead of following after her lead, I took the situation in my own direction.

“If my brother does show up can you tell him to go home?” I mumbled, focusing my attention on Morgan.

“Yeah.”

“Thanks, I’ll talk to you later” I said, gathering up my jacket and placing my hand on her shoulder as I walked by.

Since my parents took Trey and Katherine to the ear doctor in Augusta today, Nixon and I were left alone for most of the night. I didn’t see a need to rush home because no one would waiting for me when I got there, I decided to take the long way so I could clear my head just in case I head to prepare for a fight with my brother.

I walked through the front door and the living room and the kitchen lights were on, so obviously someone was here.

“Nixon?” I called out, following the sounds of plates clinking together. I wasn’t sure on who I was expecting to see around the corner, but was definitely not one of them. “Holy crap, Penner you scared the hell out of me.” I breathed, my hand clutching onto my chest as if that would calm my rapid heartbeat.

“Sorry.” He apologized, mixing together what looked like to be dough. Scattered on the countertops were several ingredients ranging from pepperoni, cheese, and red sauce.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, getting a closer look at what he was doing.

“Nixon told me that pizza is your favorite, and I happen to be somewhat of an average cook.” He laughed, acting like nothing happened between us this morning.

“You were with Nixon?”

“I talked to him at school, but I haven’t seen him since.” For a minute I thought my brother was with Penner when he didn’t show up at the diner, but that’s not what actually was going on.

“Why are you in my kitchen?” I wondered, trying my best to make that sound as nice as possible.

“You want to know me, right?” He asked. I silently nodded, moving closer so I could inspect on what he was doing. “So let's start with Tyson.”

“Penn, stop,” I mumbled, placing my hand on his forearm. I noticed his eyes glance from my face down to where my hand was rested, and it was obvious he was trying to be discreet about it. “You never make me talk about things I don’t want to so I shouldn’t force you to either.”

“I want to,” He smiled, sliding over as if he was asking me to help. I small grin appeared on my face as I stuck my hands in the dough. “Tyson was the most unusual guy that I had ever met. He had this dangerous look in his eyes that instantly drew me in. Plus he an adventurous personality, I mean he knew how to have a good time, but Tyson was also very demanding and selfish and at times not very kind.” I tried to take as much information in as I could because it seemed like he was going to talk forever, but when he seemed like he was finished, I began asking questions.

“Why did you break up?” I wondered as I continued to mold dough together in my hands.

He took a few moments to think about what I just asked, and he ended up washing his hands twice before answering. “There were some things that happened that just couldn’t be fixed. We began to hate each other and I just didn’t want a person like that in my life.”

“Were you happier?” I whispered. The nagging voice in the back of my head began to take control of my voice box as I asked harder questions.

“I’m happier now then I was then.” He responded instantly.

“No, I mean were you happier after you separated?” I reworded.

“At first I missed him because he was all I knew,” He started. “I would constantly sit and wonder why I didn’t notice what kind of person he was when I first met him. I wasn’t fully happy again until I decided to let go of the remaining feelings I still had for him.”

Once I realized that he answered those questions without arguing about them, I felt every ounce of anger I had towards him dwindle away. At that moment I didn’t care about what I was wearing because I wiped all of the dough that was on my hands onto my shirt and pulled my around his shoulders. Even though I knew there were things he was still keeping secret, I was thankful that I at least got this much out of him.

I could feel his shoulders loosen up when he put his arms around me as well. “I’m sorry.” I apologized. I think I put two meanings behind that apology because I was sorry for how I acted at school. But I also was apologizing for what Penner went through with Tyson.

The rest of the night we continued to make pizza together and watched movies in my room like usual. We began talking to each other like there was truly nothing between us that could ruin this moment together. For the first time in weeks I actually went a night without worrying about what my brother was doing and just enjoyed being around Penner. Honestly, I could get used to having peaceful nights like these, but these nights would only become routine once Penner got back from New Orleans.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Part 2 of the This Is What You Wanted Saga has begun!


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